The four stages of the Internet Rejection Cycle

Fawning

Usually it all starts with a sickly transparent appeal for the acceptance and affection of a group by a complete outsider. Often the fawning stage is baldly disguised as self-deprecation, but more often it begins as a contrived yet frank attempt to become part of a group. The endorphin rush of acceptance accompanies the act of fawning rather than the acceptance itself.

Denial

Suffering from the contradictory feelings of total rejection and overwhelming delusional acceptance, the rejected outsider’s ego snaps and he or she inevitably posts jocular comments under many different names, always usurping the identities of those who refuse to validate his or her fawning. This is a sad attempt at “play” from an outsider in complete denial of the obvious rejection. I have seen this stage last for months, and the number of handles used by the same individual, “Geo,” reached a record of 63 different “identities.” This list is incomplete, however, and dates from July of 2011. Since then, “Geo” has repeatedly continued through this cycle and added countless nicks to his trophy case of shame.

Aggression

Having finally reconciled the rejection, the subject goes on the attack. The most common statement is something like, “I used to like your group, but you’ve gone way downhill recently.” This stage may also last for months, and often the use of transparent alternate identities will persist, even though the repetitive and absurd comments follow an all-too-easily recognized pattern.

Ragequit

The famously obvious Ragequit is often extremely dramatic, but always entirely meaningless. Sometimes it’s really just a part of the aggression stage and it doesn’t necessarily signify a reset in the cycle. Often saying absurd things like “I’m quitting the Internet” or “I’m never visiting this website again,” the rejected person might even try to portray their rage as a quiet and sad admission to the failure of their fawning, only to revert back to the fawning stage within a few days. (Or a single day in THIS case)

I recently posted a very long work to the secretive and prickly SubGenius newsgroup at the suggestion of a SubGenius friend. Many supporters and detractors of Anonymous found this work a valuable analysis of the stagnant discourse plaguing the nascent Anarchic movement, and much of it was obviously inspired or borrowed from the Book of the SubGenius. Some SubGenii, however, immediately identified this as an act of fawning, and set to the same kind of public shaming I’ve dealt out to “Geo” for the past year. My ironic wit immediately engaged in a rapid-fire parody of the vicious cycle of rejection, but this “Satire and Parody fan club” seemed to have succumbed to dementia and failed to recognize the sarcasm. Sadly, I am now trapped in this cycle and any move will be interpreted as one of the four stages of Internet rejection.

“Keep telling yourself that, pinkboy.” ~ Rev. Ivan Stang

Chronicle Editor Frank Mason trolled by Sabu?

In a highly charged article by Frank Mason, executive editor for the Internet Chronicle, questions were raised about an Anonymous “moralfag” known as MotorMouth, who runs the MotorMouthNews twitter feed. MotorMouth might be described as one of many leaders within Anonymous, but he considers himself more of an educator. His self-styled role in Anonymous is purportedly to keep new members in line with the principles of freedom of press, freedom of religion, and freedom of information.

In Frank Mason’s article, MotorMouth is depicted as a “bounty hunter.” While MotorMouth has confirmed that the pastebin referenced in Mason’s article was legitimate, he says the statements were taken out of context. “I said I was a bounty hunter as a part of an experiment to see how [Jamie Corne] would react. And she took the bait,” MotorMouth stated.

This disinformation campaign against MotorMouth allegedly started over MotorMouth’s refusal to support the Stratfor hack. MotorMouth suggests that the smear campaign against him might have even been Sabu’s idea.

While this is all very interesting, this cyberwar bullshit must be taken with a grain of salt. In the heavily edited words of Frank Mason: “So remember anons, if you see this man[/woman/ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO BE FROM ANONYMOUS], do not divulge information to him[/her]. He[/she] could be a bounty hunter hooking up crooked cops, so better safe than sorry. Like we used to say back in the World War II days: ‘Loose Lips Sink Ships!'”

In the post Sabu era, this is more true than ever.

What the fuck is this!?

So today I signed onto Chronicle.SU and saw fucking porn ADS popping up all over the place. What the shit has this place become?

Just a couple of days ago I read a really great article and I thought Chronicle was finally making a comeback…

Now they’re just going to make a bunch of ridiculous stories up for hits, you know. Not even writing funny stories, just hit stunts using search engine tricks. Fuck the Internet Chroncile. Yeah you heard me, fuck this place.

I’m quitting this fucking web site, you’ll never see me here again. Kilgoar and Ol Brutus are dead to me. Everything they write from this point on is just to make money. Fuck. I hate this.

AnonymousIRC’s “Rush Limbaugh” Moment

AnonymousIRC's Rush Limbaugh Moment

Friday, the @AnonymousIRC Twitter account made an uncalled for and wholly sexist attack against @RevMagdalen, a church leader who has faced religious persecution. Reverend Magdalen’s feed has often featured opinions about the manifold dangers created by Occupy and Anonymous, as well as educational material on related subjects.

This disrespectful and frankly sexist attack against Reverend Magdalen is exactly the same as what Rush Limbaugh did to Sandra Fluke. Both Rush Limbaugh and AnonymousIRC found themselves threatened by a woman of greater intellect and resorted to sexist remarks. Limbaugh did use coarser language, but the message was the same: You are a sexual object and nothing more, now be quiet while the boys talk about important stuff. AnonymousIRC could not be bothered to apologize to Reverend Magdalen, so in that way he is actually worse than Limbaugh.

Among such “radical activists” as Anonymous, this kind of sexism should have no place. No voices within “Anonymiss,” a bitterly repressed class of the Anonymous collective, have spoken up to support Reverend Magdalen. Anonymiss is too busy entertaining their superiors by posing naked with Guy Fawkes masks and putting sharpies in their anus. The demand for increasingly demeaning pictures of Anonymous-supporting women is a hallmark of the Anonymous culture, and in this light the demands of AnonymousIRC become even more clear.

Reverend Magdalen is a lot more than just stupid tweets. AnonymousIRC isn’t.

Internet Chronicle Ignites Race War: HELTER SKELETOR!!!!!

This man is our IDOL!!!!

Finally, we have ignited Helter Skelter. Our inflammatory and hateful divisive attacks on black celebrities have brought about a race war of trolling never seen even on 4chan. Welcome to a NEW LOW, Internet! And each day, hundreds of thousands of you fools swarm upon the simulated death of your beloved AKON, LIL WAYNE, or WHITNEY HOUSTON, but NEVER Kanye West. We MAKE SO MUCH DAMN MONEY DOING THIS! Thems Chronicle boys’ a’paid by the government, I tells ya!'”

Yes, we knew it would come to this from the very first day the Internet Chronicle was founded. HELTER SKELTER! FINALLY!!!!

Charles Masnon was just another LULZ extremist just like us. Lulz! LUzl1! WE gonna hack your brains n’ control you litle fuxors ta DDoS teh Government!!!!

I wrote a letter to Charles Manson and asked him the best way to control people, and he said “It’s the Internet, dummy,” so I fed the internet a continuous dose of LSD. And lies.

Now the entire Internet is eating out of my hands, scrambling desperately for my sweet nectar of explanation. None of this makes sense, Anonymous is just destroying human rights. The 9/11 truthers are killing my GOD DAMN anti-war movement with their POISONOUS double false flag conspiracy.

God Damn America!

Rest in Pain, Andrew Breitbart!

Have an eternally dry cock, Rush Limbaugh!

GO TO HELL, ANONYMOUS!

TAKE YOUR “PEACE” AND SHOVE IT, OCCUPY!!!!!

WE GOT A FULL ON RACE WAR A BREWIN’

WE ARE THE INCITERS

WE STARTED IT

IT WILL NEVER END!!!!!!!!!11111!!1

 

WE’ve GOT PURE RACISM!

UNLIMITED SEXISM!!!!!

DEATH RAPE GORE PORN HELL MMORPG!!!!!

+100xp Rape

+33hp Heart Eat Regeneration Spell

-222mp Ejaculation

Microstorms on Poor Mountain

Wind Turbines can catch fire and kill all the ULTRA RARE piratebush found ONLY on Poor Mountain

I knew Old Man Charlie from the days of my youth on Poor Mountain. That old man mostly kept to himself, but when I’d see him walking around on the mountain, he’d talk my ear off. Charlie told a lot of stories, but the ones that always got him worked up the most were the stories of what he called “dem saclones.” Charlie spent a lot of time walking the ridge of Poor Mountain, just to pass the time, but I always liked to ask him about dem saclones.

From what the old man told me, I gathered that he had been experiencing some kind of ultra-rare meteorological phenomenon that may be unique to Poor Mountain. It’s hard for me to go into any detail, but Charlie described clouds quickly forming very close to the ground, twisting like a cyclone. Within the course of a few minutes, an extremely small area would be pelted with up to quarter-sized hail. Sometimes the hail would be smaller, and the affected area could be as large as a house or as small as a frisbee.

Honestly, I never believed that old man. After he died, I wondered a little about Charlie’s stories and eventually researched some information on the internet. I learned that it’s possible “dem saclones” were also called Microstorms. No one on the internet seemed to have seen these vicious kind of tornadic hail Microstorms, and I tried contacting a few meteorologists. None of them seemed to believe the stories from Charlie, and just said that Microstorms were not proven science. However, Poor Mountain surely has great importance as a possible meteorological oddity.

Poor Mountain is located in Roanoke, Virginia, and is currently under threat of industrial development for wind power. Help us, Anonymous. Hack our government into submission for Old Man Charlie and his crazy cyclones. They’re probably real, and when those wind turbines go up, the Microstorms may disappear forever. Have you ever seen what happens when a wind turbine gets pelted with an intense cyclone full of quarter-size hail? Mayhem. Pure mayhem is coming to Poor Mountain if this wind farm is approved. STOP THEM NOW.

 

Reddit is the world’s largest child porn website

Fans of Reddit often see their servers overloaded with child porn.

Preliminary polling of Reddit users has revealed a shocking statistic – over one third of Redditors are in fact registered sex offenders. A recent post on SomethingAwful, the internet’s best source for gore, rightfully accused Reddit of being the primary hub for trading of hurtful child pornography.

The vast majority of content on Reddit is composed of self-made images by teen and preteen girls. The community often goes out of its way to coerce young women into posing nude and performing sex acts on camera, and the vast amount of this kind of data continually taxes the resources of Reddit.

Formerly, /b/ was decidedly the most depraved web site on the internet. However, /b/’s gore and porn obsession has turned into revolutionary anarchism because endemic egomania brought about the self-mythologizing Anonymous cult. It seems all the disillusioned pedophiles have fled to the welcoming atmosphere of Reddit.

If you don’t want to go to prison and be labeled as a sex offender by association, stay off Reddit.

 

TehWongz retires from hacking

Charrie Wongz (@TehWongz) was recently kicked out of Destructivesec following his alleged arrest and cooperation with law enforcement agencies. In a recently leaked conference call, agents used derisive terms to refer to Wongz.

Wongz is fifteen years old and has been hacking since he was twelve. He has hacked the online video game service Steam, as well as going on the offensive against his own school. By planting a malicious batch file into the school’s system, he crashed every computer with one swift stroke.

Wongz denies allegations that he is in any way working with law enforcement or that he was ever affiliated with Anonymous. However, he does admit he did have his computer equipment confiscated and had a voluntary interview with police. He is currently campaigning to raise money for a new laptop.

Sadly, Wongz informed us that he has retired from hacking at the request of his girlfriend.

Representative Dan Gordon rejoins anonymous, gets trolled off tinychat

a robotic voice booms:

you don't really join anonymous. we are not an organization.
you can only associate yourself with them.

He kept pretending not to hear what I was asking, “Representative Dan Gordon, I recall you claiming to have joined Anonymous, what ever happened with that?”

“HOW DO YOU JOIN ANONYMOUS” he shouted with turgid eyes, desperately searching for the way out (or in?).

He made excuse that needed to reboot and never came back, surrendering the channel to chronicle.su

——————–

tylerbass: hey
[12:45 AM] tylerbass: damned interwebs
[12:45 AM] terribleauthor: he’s pretending like he can’t hear this
[12:45 AM] hotspace: rep did you join anonymous is the question
[12:46 AM] terribleauthor: LOL REBOOT
[12:46 AM] tylerbass: that’s up with us getting too close, danRep. Dan Gordon joins Anonymous [12:46 AM] terribleauthor: that’s the question
[12:46 AM] tylerbass: TOO CLOSE
[12:46 AM] terribleauthor: you said you joined
[12:46 AM] guest-300397 entered the room.
[12:46 AM] tylerbass: hahaha
[12:46 AM] terribleauthor: you were like “yeah I am joining anonymous” when I asked you before
[12:46 AM] mssamanthamarie: we are all anonymous remember
[12:46 AM] jblb91: he probably did that answer was pretty conspicuous lmao
[12:46 AM] guest-300397 changed nickname to 14
[12:46 AM] hotspace: too funny
[12:46 AM] weareuhnonymous left the room.
[12:46 AM] guest-300274 left the room.
[12:46 AM] wearuhnonymous: its not so much a group as its an idea
[12:46 AM] tylerbass: it’s like the mob, man. one way in. no way out.
[12:47 AM] hotspace left the room.
[12:47 AM] 14 left the room.
[12:47 AM] repdangordon left the room.
[12:47 AM] guest-300424 entered the room.
[12:47 AM] mssamanthamarie: lol tyler
[12:47 AM] tylerbass: i’ve learned a lot today
[12:47 AM] tylerbass: about liberty, freedom
[12:47 AM] jblb91: why he live
[12:47 AM] jblb91: leave lol
[12:48 AM] terribleauthor: HE REBOOTED LOL
[12:48 AM] jblb91: ohhh ok
[12:48 AM] tylerbass: that was wrong
[12:48 AM] uhhnonymous: welp im off nigs
[12:48 AM] tylerbass: FLYNN!
[12:48 AM] mssamanthamarie: tty guys later :)
[12:48 AM] uhhnonymous: Lol i like the dude
[12:49 AM] terribleauthor: I have strangely mixed feelings about him
[12:49 AM] mssamanthamarie left the room.
[12:49 AM] uhhnonymous: i was just saying you don’t join anonymous, its more of associating with them
[12:49 AM] terribleauthor: we might have a child molester writing for chronicle.su
[12:49 AM] terribleauthor: yeah it was giving me the lols
[12:49 AM] uhhnonymous: what makes you say that? lo
[12:49 AM] uhhnonymous: l
[12:50 AM] terribleauthor: there was total confusion, and then that robotic voice spouting canned phrases about anony
[12:50 AM] uhhnonymous: lol
[12:50 AM] guest-300424 left the room.
[12:51 AM] terribleauthor: trolle

Be a YouTube Reply Girl

We here at Chronicle.SU have quick and simple way, an easy way, to rake in tens of thousands of subscribers on Youtube with very little effort. These views can quickly be turned into cash around the home, as long as you follow a few simple rules and are approved for a YouTube partnership, which we guarantee. This simple method contains a few simple secrets which we will provide to you, our loyal cult followers, at a low, low price. Follow these three simple steps, easy steps, and you will be on the path to  not only riches, but fame and popularity with the online world like you have never imagined.

Step 1: Preparing for your first video

First thing you’ll need to do is make sure you have a camera, or basically any footage at all which won’t get YouTube on your ass for copyright infringement. This part’s actually not that important at all, content is completely irrelevant. There just has to be a video of some sort.

What’s vitally important is that there must be clearly visible cleavage shown in the image YouTubers are going to see before they click your video.

Next, find some YouTube video that’s just now starting to get a ton of visits which hasn’t already been swamped with reply videos. Upload your “reply” using all available optimized search terms. The combination of tits will attach your video like a leech to the underbelly of the internet and you will make tons of money this way. Keep making the videos until your income stabilizes and never forget the tits.

Step 2: Create a pyramid scheme

This part isn’t so straightforward until you really get good at the first bit. All this video uploading and recording is time consuming, so after a while you’re going to want to compartmentalize this knowledge into a get-rich-quick scheme and then sell that, rather than doing all the work yourself.

Start each “reply” video with a short infomercial which links to your ad-infested homepage. Write a few rambling blog posts on a locked blog and charge each person ten dollars for the secret millionaire knowledge.

I have sold the secret of YouTube tit reply video scamming to several young women who are now prospering thanks to their remarkable cleavage. They may get a lot of hateful comments, but one intrepid YouTube entrepreneur I inspired, TheReplyGirl, is now able to go to college because of her titshare program. She has also influenced other women to show their cleavage in reply videos on YouTube, and the Internet community is much enriched thanks to the startlingly insightful opinions the new, growing class of Reply Girls.

 

Step 3: Masturbation