In wake of Paris Attacks, Edward Snowden Returns to the United States

Edward Snowden’s jet moments before it was boarded by a SWAT team

INTERNET — Friday evening, eyewitnesses at San Francisco International Airport tweeted in astonishment as a SWAT team boarded an Aeroflot passenger jet from Russia as it was still rolling in on the tarmac. Edward Snowden was extracted in handcuffs as the . . .

PENTAGON IGNORES NEW EVIDENCE, CALLING L.A. UFO EXPLOSION ‘A MISSILE TEST’

Blind people wish they could see these harrowing images

CHRONICLE.SU EXCLUSIVE — The Pentagon has refused to address a series of photos which contradict government claims that strange lights seen over Los Angeles late Saturday night were attributable to a naval missile test.

Dozens of reports claim the object in the sky exploded and disappeared, but not before a missile made its way toward . . .

Remember, Remember, Anonymous November

Bieber was seen wearing a Guy Fawkes mask in support of Anonymous.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING ANONYMOUS

V For Vendetta was a turd film for shit-minded people – people like Anonymous – who flock like birds to the government birdseed.

Eat shit and die, you dimwitted pack of nobody, followers. You people are losers.

Anonymous is cancer.

. . .

Bug chaser seeks pos-party: ‘I just want to catch a disease’

Zoë Quinn

I am a 19-year-old trans gay boi looking for unlimited bare back action at a pos party near me.

I will get up in the sex chair and let you do whatever to me all night, provided you are HIV-positive.

I have heard that if I already have AIDS I can combine it with someone . . .

GUY FIERI MEMES TAKE INTERNET BY STORM

Guy Fieri limply hold onto the microphone at the national Homophobia Awareness Association's yearly meeting. Source: Wikileaks

There’s never been a better time to invest. 4chan is rapidly cornering the market on Guy Fieri memes, and Guy rarity is spiking hard.

Investors don’t know whether to shit or go blind, but drug abuse is on the rise in the face of Fieri ferocity on the meme market as brokers struggle to meet . . .

The blogosphere isn’t happening

I see the way you look at our website. The gluttonous envy with which you feast your dumb eyes upon the glorious and infallible Internet Chronicle would disgust even a thief. You are nothing. And that is our fault?

Continue denying yourself the life you want – the life you feel you deserve . . .

#ShareaCoke with your dialysis technician

Lebal Drocering Ambulatory Services offering 50% discount on new dialysis sign-ups. Use promo code 'coke' at checkout.

Lebal Drocering Ambulatory Services offering 50% discount on new dialysis sign-ups. Use promo code ‘coke’ at checkout.

The Coca-Cola corporation has spent hundreds of millions of valuable US dollars on “independent” research firms who cast doubt on the faulty link between sugar-water and obesity.

Coca-Cola boasts power over more than a dozen British . . .

Barrett Brown announces new Bit Train diesel therapy tour

Barrett Brown is often misunderstood to be a competent journalist and activist, when in fact he is neither.

Lebal Drocer, Inc. is proud to introduce the brand new Bit Train, which carries the Anonymous spokesperson long distances in a reformative practice called diesel chamber therapy. Adoring crowds welcome the train’s arrival with a warm chant of the enterprise:

What, did they get ya Barry?

Years in the slammer, for sharing a link!

. . .

A Carolina Wonderland: Bacon and drug tests

drug party!

My uncle told me to pad my resumé with dead businesses. “They can’t call ’em,” he said.

That’s not necessary, I told him. I got a job with a corporate spy agency. I got benefits. I got paid meals and travel. I get mileage. I get paid double what I was working before without overhead. . . .

Hypermart Syndrome

Lindsey

If you fail to keep these temple flames burning it angers the gods, and the gods take your satoshis. Weird dream? Dronebreakfast would be nice but the bitcard’s battery is all fouled up. It’ll be hours before it’ll take enough charge for any kind of a transaction. All that crypto in these new cards . . .