Google and the LHC converge to snuff humanity

Our existence is destined to funnel into a black hole of data, in which all 1s become 0s. Google enslaves mankind, only to erase it. Why, Google? . . .

CNN and FOX affiliates announce new patriotic reality show

Snap into a psychotic rage this Fall in an all-new season of War, Episode II, Overseas Contingency Operation. Fuck propaganda – this is the REAL DEAL! . . .

Elf Wax columnist killed during protest rally

Elf Wax political columnist, campaign trail correspondent, and celebrated Communist Kirill Milosevic died violently Friday in a clash with police during a peace riot. . . .

Iran and America Agree: "Fuck Afghanistan"

Iran and the United States have come together in a landmark baby step, citing their agreement. “Afghani drugs are no good,” says Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This is partly because the Taliban is forcing the peasants to grow opium, and partly because the United States would have a perfect . . .

Iran and America Agree: “Fuck Afghanistan”

Iran and the United States have come together in a landmark baby step, citing their agreement. “Afghani drugs are no good,” says Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This is partly because the Taliban is forcing the peasants to grow opium, and partly because the United States would have a perfect . . .

Victory in Iraq!

ZombieTime.Com proclaimed victory in Iraq yesterday, and celebration has rippled through the Conservative blogosphere. In a complicated modern world, it’s important that we mark events in black and white, and know where we stand. If we want victory, we must respect ZombieTime.Com’s decision to be the official decider of . . .

AL QAEDA LEADER IN IRAQ NOT CAPTURED

On an unrelated note, the War will continue.The man suspected to be the Al Qaeda leader in Iraq was found snoozing in a house in the Northern city of Mosul. The man confessed to being the owner of the long, unpronounceable name shown above but the military has yet to . . .

PACIFISTIC FOOT MASKS COME ALIVE

ROSWELL, NM–Though not much is known and/or being stated at this hour, Lebal Drocer Inc. has put out a statement clearing Elf Wax and their smash hit, “Krocko’s Contemporary Strife”, of any participation in this shocking, supernatural occurrence. Lebal Drocer Inc. also has reassured the public that the ubercorporation does not endorse peace . . .

End of the World Draws Near

In the aftermath of the scientific discovery that there is no god and that all is merely as Science explains, Pope Benedict has abdicated his position and liquidated all church assets and given them to the poor. Poverty in Europe has been ended. The middle-east has exploded into a non-stop frenzy of orgies and crime . . .