Author: Kilgoar

ORLANDO — Fans mourn the loss of Clayton Huff, better known as the Minecraft YouTuber Dream, after friends found him dead in his apartment from an apparent overdose.

Orlando police chief Clint Saunders told reporters, “Mr. Huff died suddenly and tragically. Our investigation revealed a toxic concentration of fentanyl in his bloodstream and we have not yet ruled out foul play. However, we are also investigating Mr. Huff over sexual complaints from many young women and girls in the area.”

Dream’s death was immediately sullied by fellow content creators, looking to cash in on the millions of potential views in rushing to be the first to deliver the grim news.

“Dream still had his mask on, slouched over his keyboard with several instances of Minecraft running. He passes out like this all the time, but when he didn’t move for a while I tried to help him and he was colder than a crisp, energizing bottle of G-Fuel,” Sapnap told his fans, taking a long swig of the cool drink just moments before calling in the YouTuber’s death to emergency services.

Police are looking into the possibility of foul play, after a fury of questions raised by fans who were suspicious of the live-streamed death announcement.

“I mean I get it, anything can be content. When Dream cheated a little bit in Minecraft, well at least he was making money. But starting up a stream before calling the cops? It’s either suspicious or depraved, I’m not sure which,” said Nancy Howard, mother of little Jeremy Howard, who only calms down when she puts on YouTube. “I don’t like the example they’re setting for my boy.”

Sapnap further angered friends and family of Dream by reading out an alleged suicide note, directed at haters. This video went viral when xQc, known for his famous worm-like reactions, live streamed himself crawling around on the carpet of his apartment and moaning triumphantly as Sapnap read out the suicide note, “Soon, everyone on Earth will know who I am and my death will be BURNED into their memories. Finally my album will get the radio play it deserves, and none of the trolls can send me to prison with their false accusations. I WIN. THE END.”

Fans mourn the loss of Shad M. Brooks, fantasy writer and host of the Shadiversity LARPing channel on YouTube.

Brooks died tragically, Saturday evening, during the filming of one of his many off-the-wall medieval weaponry videos. While testing a barbed steel spike mounted to the end of a bullwhip, the weapon struck Brooks’ chest, piercing a gap in his armor and creating a superficial, but terrifying wound. Doctors say the shock at the wound, as well as the inability to remove the barbed tip, caused Brooks to panic, triggering cardiac arrest. Paramedics had difficulty safely removing his armor to apply sufficient aid, and the YouTuber was pronounced dead on arrival to hospital.

“It’s just like Steve Irwin all over again, a tremendous loss striking right at the heart of Australia,” said Gerald Johnson, longtime fan and admin of The Shadiverse, Brooks’ official Discord. “Who else can tell the world what is realistic or not, simply by using reason, logic, and a keen sense of psychology? Only through the use of such fair debate can we arrive at the truth of medieval warfare. There was no one like him and I’m afraid only snobs like the woke Matt Easton will be left on YouTube, relying on flawed Archaeology and History to make their conclusions and cancel the enemies of their ideology.”

Matt Easton of the Scholagladiatoria YouTube channel refused comment on the death of Brooks but said, “It’s very true he judged evidence very much on the same basis as a medieval scholar, and in that sense he was quite true to the period. How intentional any of it all is, I can’t say.”

Brooks’ fortune has been disbursed equally to his twelve surviving male children according to medieval Salic law that forbids his wife or daughters from possessing land.

Shad’s bestseller, Shadow of the Conqueror, was panned by critics for celebrating a “Fantasy Hitler” protagonist with a penchant for raping thirteen year old girls. Fans, however, loved the book for its high levels of realism. Phillip Lichtenstein, moderator at the Shadiverse Discord server defended the book, saying, “That’s what a medieval king does, is it not? Would you rather have some Black king going around asking for consent from his [expletive] eunuchs like some [expletive] Disney movie?” Lichtenstein continued to berate our reporters who were promptly banned from the chat room for “Spreading the woke mind virus,” having expressed no opinions whatsoever.

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Félix Lengyel, better known as xQc. Mr. Lengyel was found dead in his apartment after friends became worried when he failed to go live for almost half a day.

Lengyel’s vast fortune has been disbursed to Blizzard Entertainment, Kick Streaming, and Twitch TV, as per his contracts.

xQc fan Herman Kilroy, a ninth grade student from Seattle, told reporters, “I was still going to watch but I was afraid to talk about him like we usually do at lunch. He was just so cringe, you know? But now that he’s dead, that’s kind of sad.”

Friends first became worried after xQC lost a debate with another content creator this weekend.

“After that debate, Félix was shaken. He came to hang out with me for a couple of hours and drink a few beers, which is very rare these days. I haven’t seen a lot of him. He was obsessed, he wouldn’t talk about anything else. He felt like Ethan had ruined his career and that he’d made a fool out of himself,” longtime friend Connor Morenstein posted to Lengyel’s facebook. “The rumor is that he hung himself with a microphone cable. Grim.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, media analyst with Google, told reporters, “We’re seeing massive fluctuating numbers coming through our content systems. My friend at Twitch says it’s the same over there. I’m afraid we’ve built our content up like a house of cards, canceling every potential franchise and promoting the most faddish nonsense for short term gains. This whole place is going to go the way of MTV.”