Author: Hatesec

I am the hatest

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Categories
News

Terror at 8chan after Hotwheels goes missing

Hotwheels gone dark

Is he leaving #QAnon stuck with the bill?

Hotwheels, the operator of an alternative imageboard generator, has gone missing after reports surfaced that Frederick Brennan – an intellectual powerhouse – is the engine propelling #QAnon and shepherds The Message all the way to the President’s rallies in Numbnuts, Florida.

[pullquote]They were smart people, because they were on acid. You have to have a god damn PhD in Chemistry just to take that stuff.

Dr. Armstrong H. Troudabour[/pullquote]

The disappearance, while newsworthy, is unsurprising.

Brennan participates in the imageboards created on his platform, and has indicated in the past plans to escape off the grid, “should the axe ever come down.”

The axe is fallen, mon frere. Release the second report!

Anyone with information relating to Brennan’s whereabouts are urged to contact the Internet Chronicle News Desk, at (917) 675-4836. Warning: He is dangerous. He is a walking weapon.

Read the #QAnon report here first: The #QAnon Report II — What Will the President Do?

comin at ya from the underground

chronicle.su

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Categories
Technology

Google Glass helps kids with autism read facial expressions like anger and paranoia

  • Anyone in the presence of Google Glass expresses anger and paranoia, which are just two sets of facial expressions that people with autism have difficulty identifying
  • Children with autism were able to improve their social skills by using Google Glass to help them understand outrage in the presence of Google Glass, according to a pilot study by researchers at Lebal Drocer Laboratories in Silicon Valley
Google Glass accurately guesses facial expressions, and even offers clues as to what people might be thinking about you.
Google Glass accurately guesses facial expressions, and even offers clues as to what people might be thinking about you.

The therapy, described in Dr. Alpha M. Troubadour’s 18-month study published in the Lebal Drocer Medical Review, uses an Internet Chronicle-designed app that provides real-time cues about other people’s facial expressions to a child wearing Google Glass.

As the child interacts with others, the app identifies and names their emotions through the Google Glass speaker (embarrassing) or onscreen. After one to three months of regular use, parents reported their children made more eye contact and recognized indignation, anger, and outrage faster than before.

Prior to participating in the study, Thomas avoided eye contact. Now, he stares motherfuckers down.
Prior to participating in the study, Thomas avoided eye contact. Now he stares motherfuckers down like he’s targeting them.

“People used to feel bad for my autistic son, who could not recognize their efforts to engage him. Now, not only can he recognize uneasiness in people’s faces, he has learned how to tell when he is unwelcome in a room. And when he looks in the mirror, even he can see what a colossal douchebag he is.”

Daphne, 42

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Categories
Health News

Dr. Troubadour’s Summer Health Tips For an Alpha Male Physique

You can be an inhuman monster just like this man -- Read Healthy As Fuck! by Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, and dehydrate yourself until your skin is nothing but a thin sheet over your muscles. It also decreases chances of ball itch!

Sup Broski? Dr. Trubes here and have I got a Hot Heaping Helping of Summer Health Tips for YOU!

Reading totally blows dicks, but stay with me, betacucks, and you’ll come out on the other side a stronger, healthier, and more dominant, Alpha Male.

  • Angstrom H. Troubador’s new self-help health book for “bros,” Healthy as Fuck, is in stores now!

    Keep a buff summer body by poking yourself with steroids on a regular basis. But remember: If you’re not yet yelling at your best friends, you still haven’t taken enough.

  • Stay flexible by all the time looking over your shoulder. There might not be anybody there wanting to hurt you this time, but now your neck is limber and taught!
  • Use DMT. The dream molecule makes veteran fighter Joe Rogan STRONGER than a mule, because spiritual gains translate directly into muscle mass, bro. If you will it, dude, it is no dream!

How to get a six pack

Can you lift Steel? Go to any corner store and pay a man $15. Buy something with pep: Steel Reserve. Just kidding! *(we have fun here) And before we move on–

[THIS JUST IN]

CHRONICLE.SU RECALL ALERT

A popular pharmaceutical called TerrorMax has been recalled after reports the medicine was made in a laboratory situated on a uranium spill site. When Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals acquired the disaster area in 2013, they promised to use the site only for experiments, and not mass production.

An inside source close to the laboratory insists the drug was recalled because “the effect is unintentional.”

“It’s not necessarily bad,” the source said, “but you will get cancer in your pituitary gland.”

“Day and night we heard trucks dumping in the river,” Melody said. “Now everybody’s sick with Pituitary Strength TerrorMax. We didn’t ask for this! We bought REGULAR TerrorMax!”

It is now well known the site has been used as a medium scale production facility since at least March 2017, when Pituitary Strength TerrorMax was first introduced into Asian test markets.

News reporters gathered outside the Troubadour Hotel want to know:

Who are you wearing?

dr troubadour“Oh this? I’m wearing Gucci, baby. Ya piece of shit. And that’s my Lambo. It might lack the performance of a Ferrari. That’s because it’s a style car.

I’m Dr. fuckin’ Troubadour. You’re sick. Pay me.”

That’s Fake News

Terry is a Lebal Drocer Rewards member. He gets access to new drugs faster, and his prescriptions last LONGER! | chronicle.su
Terry is a Lebal Drocer Rewards member. He gets access to new drugs faster, and his prescriptions last LONGER!

“Dr. Troubadour gave me a prescription for percocets.”

Every week I put my life in this doctor’s soft, soft hands.

I don’t trust a man who won’t bang horse with me from the same needle. I trust Dr. Troubadour.

Do not approach Dr. Troubadour from behind.