Category: Editorial

I recently read that giraffe smell terrible……almost unbearable. One person described the giraffe as an animal that always smells like it’s been dead for a week. Upon hearing this, I had to find out why they smell so bad. I couldn’t help myself. After doing a little research, I found out that giraffe hair contains two of the chemicals that give feces its smell. The smell is so bad, that it actually repels ticks and mosquitoes. Can you imagine having hair that reeked so strongly of shit, that ticks wouldn’t even crawl on you? Game wardens claim that they can smell giraffe from a mile away when they are downwind.

While doing research on the pungent aroma of the giraffe, I learned about the sloth, and how terribly they stink. The tree sloth spends most of its life hanging upside down. They move so slowly, that they could not possibly climb down on the ground to piss. So, naturally, they piss all over themselves every time they piss while hanging upside down. And having a lifetime of piss in their fur tends to create quite a stench. Adding to the stench is the mildew growing in the piss-soaked fur of the sloth. The mildew actually serves to provide camouflage for the sloth. That piss-soaked, mildew covered fur, creates a stench that must be experienced for one to fully comprehend it.

Now, this isn’t the national geographic stinking animal forum, so I will get to the real issue I wanted to discuss……..third world countries……..and their human-giraffe-sloth populous.

We’ve all heard of the swine flu pandemic coming out of Mexico. The common misconception is that this is a disease caused by the Suidae (aka pigs), which was passed on to the Mexicans. Now, I have been to Mexico many times, and I can tell you that you can smell the place about a mile from the border at Tijuana. It is a typical third world country, in which the collective masses ignore well known sanitary practices, and choose to live in their own squalor. There is raw sewage flowing through the streets of every large city I visited in Mexico. If the people there are content to live in their own squalor, one can only imagine the conditions in which Mexican pigs are forced to live…….eating, standing, and sleeping in their own filth. It’s a shame that any animal is forced to live in those conditions. It’s no wonder that swine flu is running rampant down there. The truth of the matter is that the Mexicans gave swine flu to the pigs, they didn’t catch it from the pigs. They gave swine flu to the pigs, then caught swine flu from the pigs, and were later generous enough to sneak into neighboring countries and share their swine flu with the world.

The official position of the Mexican government is that the blame for the swine flu pandemic lies squarely on the shoulders of the World Health Organization for not doing more to stop the swine flu pandemic after they caused it. Yep……..you read that correctly…….it’s not their fault that they caused this problem, but it’s everyone else’s fault for not fixing the problem after they caused it.

As you sit at your computer reading this, there are citizens of third world countries taking a dump in the garden where they grow their food, and pissing in their own water supply. Just like any five year old American child knows not to do that, they know not to do that, but they do it anyway. And when they get sick from doing what they know they shouldn’t, it will be your fault for not somehow doing more to clean up the pile of shit they left on top of the food growing in their garden. I mean, you could stop reading this right now, fly down there, and follow these human sloths around, and clean up their shit and piss for them. But you’re not going to…….your still sitting at your computer reading this.

So, everything is your fault, asshole!