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EXPOSED: Glenn Greenwald HUMILIATED in Revenge Porn SPECTACULAR!

INTERNET – EXHILARATING new developments as Revenge Pornographers LOCK DOWN TANTALIZING LEAKS: GLENN GREENWALD GAY; CONFIRMED!

The raunchy exposé follows YEARS of tedious genocide coverage by the failed journalist, hosted confusingly on Power-Zionist Peter Thiel’s shock news site RUMBLE™. Greenwald had been whining endlessly about incinerating toddler or some such rubbish, but all the while he was betraying their interest – and yours – by soliciting GAY ACTION.

Thiel complained to Chronicle, “I-I-I-I-I- I just told him to…. To…. to stop! I said, I said GLENN. We- you- I- w- you can’t do this! I can’t host this! You think- you think- what, you think it makes any difference if- if- if- if you’re Jewish? Buddy, that’s precisely who they’re locked in on! You think I want these people coming after me?! You… I… You… There’s a very strict protocol for these business arrangements. I-I-I-I- I told him…. Glenn! You have to STOP!”

Get ready, because what you’re about to see next on this web article will chill you to your very bone. Glenn Greenwald in dainty maid and skirt pantyhose gruesome fetish FUCK

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Image pixelated to protect victims (You.) Face of Greenwald maintained for public interest.

I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT, CAN YOU? WILL ANYTHING EVER BE THE SAME AFTER THIS?!

The breaking story reached front desk of Lebal Drocer CEO Raleigh T. Sakers who all but confirmed Mossad was behind the hit. “This is almost certainly Mossad’s doing, I go golfing with the guy who keeps hold of this filth. He has his own private server. Petabytes of the shit.

“But you listen to me cockroach, I’ve been happy to let the Chronicle slide into irrelevance to avoid precisely this type of scandal. You think I want my good friends smeared in my own paper? Not a chance! We’ve got a fundraiser coming up for the annual Fair Saint Louis Parade and I do not want our biggest donors unhappy.

“If you so much as think of publishing even the faintest allusion that Mossad is behind this? You better believe you’ll be the next one in tight panty girdle on the front page of the New York Post! Oh, what’s that? No such thing exists? WHAT DO YOU THINK WE HAD THAT AI BUILT FOR? WRITING ARTICLES? GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!”

Auernheimer’s public profile may never recover from his association with degenerate Glenn.

Long time collaborator and heterosexual icon Andrew “Woiv” Auernheimer was shocked and appalled, “this whole time I thought Glenn was Aryan and straight, but it turns out he’s Jewish and gay? What the fuck, man!” Greenwald did everything in his power to rehabilitate Auernehimer’s public image after a neo-nazi hack gone wrong, but it just wasn’t enough. Old wounds now re-open, and the salt inserts directly, “it’s given me a lot to think about that’s for sure! HAH! HAH! HAH!”

None were more bothered by it though than old friend and collaborator Ethan Klein of h3h3 fame. Klein recently fell into a heaping pile of dung when it got accidentally revealed his wife “Hila” Klein was a former raider in the Israeli Defence Force. The controversy saw users haemorrhaging out of his podcast – and spondulix out of his pocket. Klein worked quick to control the damage, but it just wasn’t enough.

In a last ditch attempt h3 swallowed his pride and solicited donations for Palestine, but accidentally gave all of it to Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib, a Palestinian, yes, but sneakily employed by the Atlantic Council, direct facilitators of the democide. With no where left to turn, Klein’s only hope was a puff piece at the intercept from him old chum Greenwald Glenn, but it turned out he was batting for the other side.

Klein became aggressive on stream after his hypocrisy was revealed.

“After all these years my good friend Glenn Greenwald can’t even lift a finger to write some positive press about me? It pisses me off!”

“For months on end now he’s been brow beating me, Ethan your perspective’s all wrong, Ethan you’re on the wrong side of history. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. But the whole time this is what he’s doing? Maybe those kids deserved to die if this is who’s really pushing their agenda!”

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Justin Bieber Dead at 31

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Justin Bieber, who was found dead in his Beverly Park mansion Sunday afternoon. Bieber sold over a trillion records and held the world record for securing the Teen Choice Awards 18 years in a row. Bieber was 31 years old.

Los Angeles Police Chief Jeff Sable told reporters at an impromptu press conference, “Our mortician says he ain’t seen a body this pickled since Michael Jackson. We found enough Fentanyl in his fingernail to wipe out an elementary school.”

A gaggle of screaming Bieber fans wailed and gnashed their teeth upon the pavement, with over a dozen arrested for slashing their wrists open at the announcement of his death.

“Foul play is never out of the question!” Chief Sable smiled as unruly fans were carted off to prison, “And I’m sure we’ll be looking into this one for the next fifty years, a tragedy even greater than Elvis.”

Staring into the camera and entirely breaking the fourth wall, the career law enforcement man’s eyes widened, “There’s a lot more going on here than we’re ever going to know. I’ll tell you what, he looked like a porcupine when we pulled him outta that bed of heroin needles.”

Meandering off topic, Sheriff Sable put out a stark warning to the public that law enforcement was looking to pad out its prison populations. Peering over his lectern, eying the people like sheep in need of shearing, the words smacked his salivating lips, “Y’all teenagers out here today, if you think you can get away with throwin’ popcorn at the movie theaters, think again. My men are at the ready at every movie theater within fifty miles of here, and I locked up twenty of you yesterday. We will put vandals away and make money doing it.” He sighed, speaking to himself, “Our prisoners all got sent off to El Salvador and the prisons are in the red, we’re just looking for anything, any crime anywhere, just so we can keep the doors open.”

The sheriff snapped out of his dissociative murmring and brandished his sidearm, reassuring the crowd of his authority. “You ain’t got nothin’ to fear if ye just do as I say. Now get on out of here!”

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Elon Musk salutes 4chan

INTERNET — Elon Musk slapped himself on the chest and firmly raised a palm-down salute in honor of 4chan, all while scowling with serious intent. This “4chan salute” was first seen in the feature-length Netflix documentary film, The Antisocial Network.

Musk’s nod to trolling culture has been interpreted in many statistically unlikely ways, with some historic interpretations falling well outside the realm of public knowledge and media depictions. Other exotic narratives predominate the interpretation, bringing to mind flat-earth rhetoric. In the midst of it all, a distribution curve depicting statistical manipulation of the discussion has gone viral, hinting that the oligarchs feel they have gained full control over media narratives.

When used more typically in America, Musk’s gesture is called a “sieg heil,” an obscene way to express disrespect to authoritarian figures. If someone were quitting their job, they might raise a sieg heil to their former boss, but only in the more extreme and abusive circumstances.

Nobody has suggested that Musk might have been “sieg heiling” the American people and their democracy in this fashion, among the many other signs of oligarch power conspicuously displayed at the proceedings. While this is unlikely and at odds with Musk’s words, such an idea is far more likely than talk of ancient Roman, the French Revolution, and so on, topics that are predominating the discussion in defiance of all common sense.

Musk’s family ties to fascist Germany have many commenters believing that Musk is a practicing Nazi. While the fascist salute is indeed the 4chan salute’s lineage, it has been further manipulated in a way that is important to understand. Unlike a Fascist salute directed at a dictator, perhaps Trump, the 4chan salute is done towards nothing and nobody, except for the effect that it has in offending others. It’s trolling.

Beyond convenient historic manipulations, we enter a flattening earth where the gesture itself is hyper analyzed. Firstly, there is the belief in an intentional gesture which was not meant to be obscene. While these more charitable interpretations were shared even by the Anti Defamation League, Musk indeed said “My heart goes out to you.” These words are believed to make it into a non-obscene gesture other than a sieg heil, one which has never existed before now. Those who can suspend their disbelief and go along may be seen throwing sieg heils in public in the coming years, only intending to send their hearts out.

Another strain of denial sees the gesture as unintentional or somehow botched, a “slip-up.” Maybe Musk’s true thoughts were coming out in a moment of emotional overload, like a teenage gamer using racial slurs. Perhaps it was all a product of Musk’s physical awkwardness due to neurodivergence, the two crisp and easily identified sieg heils being, in actuality, the random jerky spasms of a disabled man. The “slip-up” theory is among the more plausible ideas, but one that is pretty much limited to gaming demographics, while the preposterous idea about the two sieg heils being one neurodivergent spasm is given more visibility on X than even the shocking historic examples which the 4chan salute is meant to evoke.

And finally, there are those who admit the gesture was obscene, but that the obscenity is valid. Mostly, this comes in the form of still images of Democrat politicians holding out their arms, manufacturing a similar salute, equivocation making such a gesture normal. Multiplying the obscenity with doctored or cherrypicked photos shows a deeper understanding of the 4chan salute, it is meant to upset Democrats. The Tate brother influencers took this attitude one step beyond a tit-for-tat political game and imbued the gesture with a macho virtue, telling their teenage followers to sieg heil more than ever as a means to increase their personal power. These more authentic messages, falling closest to the truth of the gesture, have found purchase among 4channers everywhere who echo Musk’s threat: “We mean business.”