Everything about you is scary.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen – but especially the ladies – on this evening of esteem and prestige.
Lebal Drocer is proud to present tonight’s following top story.
Dinosaurs on LSD are ripping apart your family, NOW.
Plus, tonight, on an all-new episode of Hate Radio billy and hatesec and kilgoar and good tyler not the bad one are going to be rustling, tusling, laughing, riffing, giffin and gaffing in your face, for 2.5 hours straight.
How’s that grab you?
Nothing?
Maybe this will tickle your taint:
BREAKING NEWS
Las Vegas, NV—Hide your pets. One more deranged person has been placed into Las Vegas.
Dallas-Fort Worth, TX—Dallas man kicked 88-year-old aunt to death, documents showed she saw it coming, powerless to stop it
New York—Someone kind of achieved their potential.
Salem, VA—Wasena Skate Park reopens to 230,000 skaters who immediately ruined the halfpipe
Waco, TX—Nothing
Los Angeles—A woman got Botox injected into her face, now wears a frozen expression of permanent worry
Backbeat—Word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now
INTERNET—Chronicle perseveres under near-constant threat of annihilation
Let’s go to the police, our only source, for tonight’s story.
Hi, I’m Officer Traylor. My first name is Officer. I was bred into law enforcement, born to do this job. Serving and protecting the community is my favorite thing to do with a gun. The Internet Chronicle? They’re piss ants. They’re nothing. I make $105,000 a year gooning in a squad car and I’m 50% more likely to hit my wife. Why? All different reasons, and in this case it’s because I’m gay but chose not to be.
Your feelings are valid at Internet Chronicle.
chronicle.su is your only source of fulfillment in that gray unloving hellscape of your own creation
