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EGYPT IS HACKING MY GMAILZ, BARRETT BROWN U LOSE

My wildest dreams to be hacked by Anonymous have finally come true

Someone in Egypt with a limited understanding of the English language might read Chronicle.SU and see it as something threatening. However, this is only because of the language barrier. It’s okay. I’m not afraid of being h@x0r3d and have been preparing a bottle of the finest Pabst Blue Ribbon for this day. Yeah motherfucker, it’s time to get drunk. Poor Egyptians probably don’t even have Pabst. Let’s hope the Arab spring blows some your way. Most likely, this h@x0r lives in Gaza, and is just using Egyptian proxies. It would be pretty silly if that were his actual IP, wouldn’t it?

Meanwhile, Barrett Brown is losing the war against Echelon2, also known as Project Oddysey.

What else can I screencap, as proof of my superiority? After all, numbers and hacks ARE everything. I bet no one even cares to hack [email protected]. Who would even try? Barrett Brown won’t write for us and Ian Murphy won’t either. I even gave Murphy an account. Well, feel free to pawn it off on your little troll Barrett, he might change his mind when he sees how much attention we get. AND TALK ABOUT CHICKENSHIT. HOLY CRIPES BARRETT BROWN WHY’D YOU HAVE TO POST THAT SHIT TO REDDIT? DO YOU LOVE BEING HATED?

It’s not slimy enough to covertly record a roommate dispute; no, you had to post it to Reddit for the whole world to see. See how I used a semicolon to prove that I understand good writingzorz? You took down the video, so I just have to imagine you standing there, rambling with a cigarette in your mouth about how you’ve written for all sorts of important publications. In these cocky speeches, do you usually mention your appearance on Fox News where your little virgin asshole got torn apart by vicious professional haterapers? Do you mention the part where lowercase anonymous kicked you out of anonymous? HELL NO.

IF YOU CANT STAND THE TROLLZ STAY OFF THE ITNERNETZ.

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Adrian Chen knows about Boxxy

 

BREAKING: This just in: It was reported moments ago that Gawker writer Adrian Chin is aware of the existence and activities of internet celebrity boxxy [boxybabee]. Stay tuned for the latest updates.

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WHATIS-THEPLAN? RIG THE VOTE

IF YOU TOUCH IT RIGHT THERE AND DRAW A VAGINA IT IS HAX0r3d

Hacker forum WhatIs-ThePlan has purposefully dissembled their true plan because it’s fucking disgusting. That’s right, those untrustworthy bastards at WhatIs-ThePlan are organizing mass election fraud for 2012 as part of a non-violent coup.

Within the deepest recesses of their still-private forums, The Plan distributes malicious software designed to compromise the security of computerized voting machines. As it turns out, hacker overlord Sabu is working behind the scenes at The Plan to place himself at the head of America’s future Hacktocracy, where only those who are able to hack voting machines will be given a voice.

The Plan keeps a large group of peaceful protest fanboys around to cover their illegal activities, as hackfag Anonymous does with DDoSfags.

Meanwhile, Scientologyfag Anonymous continues to protest against freedom of religion, but WhyWeProtest.org is actually owned by Tom Cruise. Anti-Scientology protests give Scientology a much needed publicity boost after the South Park scandal blew their shit up.

While Hacktocracy is a completely retarded way to decide the legitimacy of authority, it is in fact somewhat better than the Corporatocracy that reaches up Obama’s asshole, tears out his innards, and forces him to sit at the table and enjoy every delusional little Tea Party that comes his way.