Category: World

Witness as seemingly unrelated events gradually interconnect to degrade your overall quality of life in America.

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News Special Interest Trolling Uncontrollable Patriotism World

U.S. State Department to “Troll” Terrorists

Borrowing a classic move from The Internet Chronicle, the U.S. State Department is funding an initiative dubbed “Viral Peace,” which aims to “troll” online extremists out of positions of respect and power.

Led by Shahed Amanullah, Viral Peace uses “logic, humor, satire, [and] religious arguments, not just to confront [extremists], but to undermine and demoralize them.”

Expert extremist troll Kilgore Trout was reached for comment.

These extremists, they’re all the same. They get up on their soapbox and say whatever it takes to get people over on their side, and the shit they say, it’s as stupid as it gets. In any zone where they can be challenged, they MUST be challenged, not because they are right or wrong, but because they are DUMB.

Insiders at the State Department revealed that this entire project was inspired by Kilgore Trout’s trolling of AnonNews.com, a site where dumbass 12-year-olds explained their own twisted, absurd and uninformed meanings for Anarchy and Anonymous.

Trout is recognized as the world’s leading expert in this field, and is currently seeking a high-paying job advising Viral Peace on proven strategies.  

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Technology World

Topiary pleads guilty to satisfy the butthurt bloodlust of a wretched justice system

This is a horse

Topiary (Jake Davis) plead guilty to excellent charges of heroism, including an attack on the Serious Organized Crime Agency (SOCA).

SOCA is an unjust, contradictory agency established by the Illuminati to attack internet security through freedom reduction.

Dr. Liebehart Schwartz of the Cannibiological Institute of Human Progress called Topiary a “hero” and “a freedom fighter,” for fighting against authority with not just technical prowess, but his words, too. “Because of toxic organizations like SOCA and the NSA, people are less safe on the internet now than they were in the year 2000. [pullquote]With Topiary’s wit and charm, LulzSec was able to captivate a larger audience, earning their sympathy and support. That’s what made him dangerous.[/pullquote]”A blind migrant worker can exploit a security vulnerability left over from Web 2.0.” said Schwartz, “But with Topiary’s wit and charm, LulzSec was able to captivate a larger audience, earning their sympathy and support. That’s what made him dangerous.”

Asperger’s enthusiast Ryan Cleary also pled guilty to various charges, none of which included being a snitch.

Eat your cheese, rat.

Topiary enjoys a large support base including #FreeTopiary on Twitter, young intellectuals, and the mighty thundercock of justice and hate better known by you as the chronicle.su.

Topiary and his lesser counterparts will stand trial April 2013. If convicted, Topiary faces prison time. Make no bones about it, he will be handed a prison sentence, which should make for a more interesting year for everyone who has watched the LulzSec case from beginning to end, after the Beast of Greed and Delusions rears its ugly head once again.

This message was brought to you by Norton Internet Security. Are you scared yet?

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World

Luka Rocco Magnotta framed by enemies

Luka Magnotta wrongly accused by Canadian authorities
Luka Magnotta, seen here not eating a corpse

“I want my Pomeranian back.”
– Magnotta

Canadian Playboy Luka Magnotta, famous for his controversial worldviews and love of necrophilia, was wrongly accused by Canadian Mounties as being the star killer of a viral snuff film in which a Chinese student is brutally suffocated and stabbed to death with an ice pick, by an unknown killer.

The full video features the grizzly murder of a nude male Chinese national. The person in the video, who is not Magnotta, is seen dismembering, eating, and committing violent sexual acts upon the motionless, Communist corpse. In a gesture of goodwill, the individual’s body parts were later packaged and sent to Canadian political figures as thanks for fixing the economy and appropriate handling of G-20 protesters.

CHRONICLE UPDATE: BERLIN– Sources confirmed Magnotta was taken in Monday by the Gestapo. He has not been seen since.

In his own words, Magnotta explains that he was framed and the police have the wrong person, and that he wants his Pomeranian back:

“Killed who? Magnotta chance in hell!”