Category: Technology

Tractor beams, microwaves, LHC, ring go stargates, and your mother’s “back massager”

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Categories
Science Special Interest Technology

FEAR 960 AM BROADCASTS UFO SIGHTING VIA DIRECT NASA FEED THROUGH LOCAL AFFILIATE "THE HATE HOLE"


Just what it says. Get with the program.

New things are happening. Don’t use your real information. Don’t worry about me. What’s there will eventually be pushed into obscurity. I will delete this article once it finds a happy position on the front page.

And once hosting is launched, I will go on a crusade, bringing all of these domains together under wicked underground hosting like you don’t even understand. Say goodbye to the confines of censorship and ambiguous intellectual property rights. I’ll get the software like we talked about, and streamline it all. It’ll take hours upon hours consuming days that will turn into weeks of toil and effort. But it’ll be worth it. A modem is on its way. Our video keeps being deleted by copyright laws. That will stop, too, based on my new and improved fair use policy, in which everything goes that’s arguably legal and fair – we don’t have to suffer just because you do.

In the meantime, I present to you:

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Categories
Entertainment Technology

Everquest Online Adventure

Six years after its 2003 debut, Everquest Online Adventure is experiencing an historical resurgence in popularity. Old gamers spent endless zombie-like hours auto-running across crudely textured fields and sparsely treed forests. Everquest Online Adventures barely taxed the graphics capabilities of the Playstation 2, emphasizing repetitive unsatisfying gameplay. Spam circle when you see the monsters. Most of these players have gone on to play World of Warcraft and Everquest II which offers the same gameplay with more detailed environments. Everquest Online Adventures is finally free to play, and offers the exact same gameplay. A larger and larger number of players are switching back, finding the world is still there and in fact better than ever. By removing griefs like training (a complicated procedure where huge groups of monsters could be herded) and adding a few new areas, Everquest Online Adventures is the best choice for the millions of newly unemployed MMORPG player. In the midst of the financial melt-down, the trance-like escape that Everquest provides prevents many suicides every day. SoW please. There are stables everywhere, but never a horse in sight, dammit.

Until Everquest Online went free, the next best thing was a game called MUME, created in 1992. Mume provides all the functions of Everquest, and probably has a more detailed world. MUME has no graphics whatsoever, and emphasizes pointless repetitive monster slaying more than any other game in history.

Everquest Online Adventures boast a dynamic repertoire of character models. However, they mostly go unappreciated as the PlayStation2 does not render them fast enough and at times won’t render them at all. This happens most when running through a dense, crowded area like Freeport, a desert city where all races can congregate together without violence. The game system attempts to load thirty five avatars at once and as a result, loads none of them, creating the effect of running through a ghost town when in actuality, the Freeport market has a higher population density than the Twin Towers on a Tuesday morning.

Standing still doesn’t help either, for the characters only load within a circumference the equivalent of twenty real life feet, so even after everybody warps in, one barely has a general idea of who is around him/her within a sneeze’s reach. Similarly, you don’t know what is lurking in your colon.

Lose the addiction, lose the weight. EverCleanse yourself of EverQuest! Warning: Preceding link is Not Safe For Viewing whatsoever.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Entertainment Local News Special Interest Technology

Internet Relay Call fails again

Roanoke, Va.–The popularly abused text-to-voice communications system AT&T designed to allow deaf or mute people to talk via telephone has scandalously resurfaced. People who are either too poor or too lazy to keep up with a monthly phone bill also find the sit-on-your-ass-and-type convenience appealing. However, the internet took a turn for the worst today when Internet Relay Call failed as a person with functional vocal chords and eardrums attempted to place a call to a local friend, who was aware of the caller’s ability to speak and hear.

“The conversation began very rudely,” the call’s recipient explained. “First, I say hello, like I always do, and some jerk-off interrupts me asking if I know how to use his service. This isn’t like rocket science, or trying to pay a U-Scan machine at Wal-Mart. This is Internet Relay Call. Every educated heap of flesh this side of Hell knows how to use Relay Call. Anyway, he [the jackass at the phone company] kept talking and talking, so I said ‘yes, I understand’ to get him to shut up. He said nothing after that, and he wouldn’t even answer me when I tried to talk to him. I asked him, ‘what now?’ He just kept saying, ‘sir, we can’t be having this conversation; please say ‘go ahead’.” Astoundingly, the recipient said he repeated “go ahead” several times with no results until finally the communication collapsed and the recipient was forced to hang up, frustrated and humiliated. “I don’t know why he won’t just get a regular phone like everyone else.”

Due to abuse of both the free online service and its relay assistants, AT&T’s Internet Relay Calling will be permanently shutting down within the next nine days.