axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Wikileaks alleges Hindu Nationalists are behind false flag Islamist terror attack on Charlie Hebdon, 9/11

Narendra Modi, president of India, was implicated by Wikileaks as backing ISIS and Al-Qaeda
Narendra Modi, president of India, was implicated by Wikileaks as backing ISIS and Al-Qaeda

INTERNET — WikiLeaks spokesperson Jolene Assange shocked the world, announcing, “Both Al-Qaeda and ISIS have their highest leadership positions infiltrated by Hindus who want to sow discord among monotheistic religions. It was not the United States government that engineered 9/11. It was India.”

A leaker shared documents with WikiLeaks which confirmed beyond a doubt that the attack on Charlie Hebdon in France was carried out by a special Muslim-to-Hindu convert militia known as the PakiHindus. The PakiHindu commando squad has framed Muslim terrorists for heinous acts both in India and abroad since their creation in the late 70s.

Angstrom H. Troubador, Wikileaks volunteer analyst, said, “Christian missionaries won over millions of Hindus in the past century and the Muslims are across their border with a finger on a nuclear trigger. You don’t think ISIS, Al-Qaeda, or the shooting at Charlie Hebdon would take the pressure off of them in a cost-effective manner?”

Troubador elaborated, “A moderately powerful nation such as India could easily afford a double false flag, leaving evidence that the CIA had perpetrated the 9/11 attacks while carrying them out with their already established commando squad. They see Islam, Christianity, and Judaism as a single entity — Devil Abraham — which must be provoked to self-immolate and usher in the maximum proliferation of polytheistic belief. I think it’s working incredibly well, it should have been obvious. But even though the monotheistic world finally has proof, I don’t think it will Matter. There won’t ever be an end to petty bickering over cartoons. Monotheistic religions won’t stick together, instead there will be a gradual erosion of faith through fear and competition. The Hindus will inherit the Earth.”

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Law News

Kanye West suing compass manufacturer for illegal use of his name

Kanye West: "SIRS Navigation doesn't care about anybody whose families and reputations they hurt when that needle lands on them."
Kanye West: “SIRS Navigation doesn’t care about anybody whose families and reputations they hurt when that needle lands on them.”

Copyright law faces a new challenge after rap artist Kanye West™ announced his intentions Wednesday to open up a “reverse” class action lawsuit against SIRS Navigation, and other companies for illegally using his name without permission.

“I didn’t ask to be born with this name,” West said. “But I won’t be bullied around by these faceless instrument manufacturers anymore.”

West said he is not the only person whose rights were infringed upon.

“Anyone bearing the surname of a cardinal direction is invited to follow suit,” he said. “I’m looking at you, Peter North.”

If the West court battle goes as planned, experts confirmed it will be the first time an individual has simultaneously squared off against the veteran legal teams of three corporations, all leaders in their fields.

“It’s a reverse class action,” West said. “SIRS Navigation doesn’t care about anybody whose families and reputations they hurt when the needle lands on them. That is why I’m suing literally everybody who ever slapped my name on a product.”

West and his attorney Jeremy Matthews said the lawsuit is also aimed at Global Sources and Kasper and Richter, as well as several small Swiss instrument makers.

West said he would like to see SIRS Navigation go in the ‘right direction’ by adding a small trademark symbol (™) or the letters TM after each iteration of his name, as in the case of the large capital W appearing on most compasses.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, Professor of Law at MIT, called the charges “unprecedented,” adding that he has never seen anything like it in the 45 years he has studied and practiced law.

“When something like this crosses my desk, I just shake my head in wonder,” Troubadour said. “I’m consistently amazed at my country’s capacity for justice. Kanye will have his day, yet. Just wait.”

Matthews said charges will be formally filed by the end of the end of the week, at which time a press conference will be organized in front of his Hidden Hills mansion, which he shares with his Kim Kardashian in California.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Entertainment

Michael Jackson ‘spotted in Afghanistan’

Reports of Michael Jackson in Afghanistan suggest he could prey on vulnerable children.
Eyewitness reports from Afghanistan suggest a tall, pale white figure is taking advantage of vulnerable youth.

KABUL, Afghanistan — Strange new reports from American intelligence officials in Afghanistan suggest the sudden appearance of an unlikely face among the turmoil. Legendary pop star and homosexual pedophile Michael Jackson, who is widely believed to have died from a heart attack at his Los Angeles home in 2009, was reportedly spotted in and around several small villages under control by emerging factions of the Islamic State, or ISIS.

ISIS, who recently suffered losses with the collapse of oil prices, have turned to human trafficking as a means of income, pulling in a remarkable $520 million in 2014. Among their customers are major governmental figureheads, from British MPs to American diplomats, and even celebrities. Classified intelligence reports suggest the appearance at “human trade shows” of a tall, pale white man who never speaks.

An anonymous source inside the CIA told the Internet Chronicle he has firsthand evidence Jackson is taking advantage of the fog of war throughout several despotic gaps in the Kandahar region of Afghanistan, one of the deadliest and most easily exploited provinces in the Middle East.

Experts predict that after five years without medical care, Jackson’s plastic surgery has likely suffered gross deterioration. Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, of the Los Angeles School of Cosmetic Surgery and Design, said he believes there is a good chance Jackson’s sandblasted face has taken on a new, unknown form.

“His face could appear weathered, pock-marked and cratered,” Troubadour said, “He probably has changed so much he is no longer recognizable, which would give him a staggering advantage over his prey.”

Conspiracy theories already emerging suggest Jackson, compelled by an insatiable lust for child sex, faked his own death and even allowed his personal doctor to face jailtime, to go onto a permanent sex vacation, walking the earth until he “ascends to take his throne in the great big Neverland Ranch in the sky.”