Internet Chronicle

INTERNET — Hacker Group Anonymous unveiled that NeoReactionarian Oligarchists in possession of an HBGary “Metal Gear” Persona Management propaganda system on Twitter are steadily brainwashing “Anarchists” into opposing police. The NeoReactionarians are a collection of billionaires with aspirations of building one world oligarchy based on scientifically derived algorithmic economic models regulated in the Cloud.

Already the NeoReactionaries have warehouses full of robotic “drone” style police equipment clogging their shelves, and abolishing the police is the only way for these industries to expand. HBGary offshoot Booz Allen Hamilton fell under similar allegations after orchestrating a “Snowden Psyop” aimed at taking down the NSA, and may now receive over 10 billion dollars in federal funding for their own privatized NSA-style datamining facility.

One Anonymous NeoReactionarian robot-manufacturing Billionaire smiled, “We’ve got enough non-lethal fast action tranquilizing dart turrets to equip all the public spaces in the nation. There will be no need for police, and the age of school shootings, public rapes, and so on will be over. We can’t run this economy on the whims of the average idiot, either, so the Robot Consortium is taking over and eliminating nearly all remaining democratic institutions. We’re even revoking all of the stock to the stockholders, if you can believe it! Just leave the economy in our robotic hands.”

INTERNET — Fans of the hacker ensemble Anonymous have long found a home at Vince in The Bay, an internet talk radio show where anything goes except on-air doxings and swattings (malicious tactics used by hackers to silence one another). The show’s host, Vince, recently lost weight and gained a seemingly new, more aggressive, persona.

Jeremy Hammond, an Anonymous hacker, was recently sentenced to 10 years in prison after going on a hacking spree guided by FBI turncoat and former Anonymous leader Sabu.  Fans of Vince in The Bay noticed general personality changes in the host, Vince, which seemed to climax in his spontaneous victim statement at Jeremy Hammond’s sentencing which Motherboard called “bizarre,” scare-quoting the word “‘victim.'”

Vince at first received accolades for trolling the proceedings, but then later claimed he had not actually been trolling the Hammond trial. Vince maintains that he was indeed swatted, doxed, pizza bombed, and Chinese Food bombed by the hacker ensemble Anonymous and its “Rustle League” offshoot. Vince demanded members of “Rustle League” apologize to Ron Brynaert, who faced the same strange persecutions as Vince, but then Vince was caught dodging questions about his use of testosterone supplements.

Anons Against YourAnonNews, a troupe of Anons defined by their opposition to the delayed distribution of mass-produced Anonymous merchandise provided by YourAnonNews, claimed Vince reconciled with Sabu before making his victim statement. Anons Against YourAnonNews also insinuated Vince most likely was Sabu all along.

However, conclusive hacking evidence unearthed by Anonymous sub-group GNAA reveals Vince in the Bay indeed regained his slim, muscular figure and aggressive masculine personality by purchasing testosterone supplements on the Silk Road 2, a bitcoin black market hosted on the Tor. One Anonymous GNAA Hacker said, “We’re worried Vince might be increasing his dosages to dangerous levels as he’s switched to the intravenous testosterone. It’s also possible he’s dealing the ‘T’ to local teenagers in order to finance his growing habit. Either way, we’re worried about this new slimmed down Vince. He’s unhinged.”