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Entertainment Fashion

Miley Cyrus Upskirts For All.

Billy Rape Cyrus joins callgirl daughter for on-stage duet about the dangers of sexting.

Los Angeles, Calif.–Billy Ray said sexting between family members is not considered incest and proposed the idea of legalizing child porn. He said it would “aid in the promotion” of his daughter’s newly famous crotch shots that got that guy in a lot of trouble.
Miley Cyrus gave the go ahead on sales of the photo when she realized she could no longer get by on her jailbait status alone.
Stay tuned for more details on the rapid decline of the Cyrus family country music sex dynasty as November 23 approaches.

miley cyrus upskirt gives hope to whores
miley cyrus goes on the record to demonstrate the awesome dangers of sexting, and of growing up with a pimp for a daddy, who himself is a whore
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Entertainment

Mel Gibson joins with ex-Rage members

Mel Gibson’s latest abusive rant reached a level of intensity so extreme that musician Tom Morello contacted him, seeking a vocalist who won’t pussy out like Chris Cornell. After dropping Cornell the band reformed to rage for the machine, rather than against it. There has been disagreement between de la Rocha and the band since. Tom Morello has recently commented that the band has “lost their piss,” and “[we] need some real, genuine anger.” For years, Rage has been in search of someone who could match the intensity of Zach de la Rocha, and according to Tom Morello, “we only let him back in the band for the money.” Mel Gibson is set to replace Zach de la Rocha in Rage’s upcoming tour promoting their newest album, Domestic Abuse. Elf Wax was able to contact Mel, but his only comments were shouted antisemitic slurs targeting “that dirty jew de la Rocha and his disgusting fucking hair. FUCK!”

Elf Wax has exclusive rights to Mel Gibson’s first single off of his new album, “Blow me, Bitch.”

Blow Me, Bitch

[audio:https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/Blow-Me-Bitch12.mp3|titles=Blow Me, Bitch]

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News

All things are pure and beautiful

The beach, Fla.–The NOAA (Nodworthy Organic Assholes Association) said Gulf seafood so far is “safe to eat,” adding, “it contains no less oil than your average meal from Long John Silver’s.”

Long John Silver's food is being used as dispersant following public outcry
Long John Silver's food is being used as a recyclable dispersant following public outcry

According to a federal agency inspecting varying species caught on the oil fringes yesterday, everything is safe to eat. They wouldn’t lie. It’s a government agency.

According to expert scientists, fish are beginning to contaminate the Gulf of Oil, polluting and removing the crude oil from the waters by selfishly absorbing it into their bodies.

The federal government has closed off over eighty thousand square miles of fishing waters, making all fishable fish safe to eat.