disease Archives — Page 2 of 2

Intelligent Design to End Life on Earth

All carbon based life is set to be destroyed within the next year. A new biological system has been designed by top scientists which is at least a million times more efficient than anything currently designed through natural selection. Some Scientists have dubbed this new line of evolution Life 2.0.

A new type of cell similar to bacteria will be the earliest ancestor of every life form on Earth, causing the final demise of all carbon based life. Within only a few thousand years the first bacterium will have already evolved into a set of organisms creating an ecosystem equally as diverse and thriving as today’s crippled ecosystem.

By integrating organic nano-computers into an all new digital silicon cell design, evolution for the new bacterium has already been mapped out carefully by top scientists at MIT. DNA and random copying of life has been holding progress back for billions of years, but it will for no longer. Scientists claim that human suffering will be limited, but skeptics exist within the project.

The worst case scenario, according to Professor Frank Shawlsberg is that “[The artificial bacterium] will seek out water and then invade our body and kill us in a matter of minutes. Our corpses may then possibly be animated in an attempt to find new hosts.” He also made it very clear that there would be no holding out from the zombies anywhere, and that the entire world must succumb at some point.

Of course, other scientists stress that this “possible zombie situation” would be the first step in our evolution towards the a utopia where humans are all three feet tall and have brains selected to be larger and larger as time goes on.

Conspiracy theorists have already decided that these heavily engineered brains may cause intense schizophrenia in over 90% of Life 2.0’s future population. This population, delusional and seeking sanity would create time-hopping saucers and figure out the wonders of our more functional natural design. Failing at this, they have apparently resorted to molestation of rednecks and possibly their livestock.

Assholes……..

Everybody has one. Everybody knows one. Everybody eventually has to deal with one.

I can’t stand an asshole. I hate having to deal with one. And yet, I continuously find myself having to interact with these scorned creatures.

Now, I wonder if these creatures are born, or created? I mean, I’ve never seen a baby that wants to bully and hurt other people. Don’t get me wrong……..I don’t want to give any of you the impression that I’m pro baby, because I actually hate the things. I’m just saying that babies and small children don’t go out of their way to piss people off. President Bush was a baby once, and he wasn’t laying in the crib, drinking from his bottle, and dreaming of ways to fuck up our country. Well………maybe HE was, but most babies aren’t.

I definitely think that most assholes are created, and are merely products of their environment. Every asshole kid that I have encountered, has had assholes for parents. That’s who teaches them to be assholes……..or allows them to develop into assholes without putting a foot in their ass to prevent the transformation.

And I have known some assholes that tried to be nice, but just didn’t know how. They were assholes, and couldn’t help it. Try as they might, they just couldn’t help but act like assholes. These poor social rejects were obviously born assholes, and simply don’t have a choice in the matter. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) defines this particular brand of asshole as an individual with a Dissocial Personality Disorder.

It amazes me that psychiatrists can put a label on anybody. Assholes simply have Dissocial Personality Disorder, asshole kids have Hyperactive Attention Deficit Disorder, gays have Sexual Identity Disorder, and guys who can’t get laid have Sexual Aversion Disorder.

If any of us went to a psychiatrist, I have no doubt that we would leave with some sort of a diagnosis. You may be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or even Trichotillomania.

I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I have a problem with people who have been diagnosed with a psychiatric illness, because I don’t. I myself have even suffered from DSM-IV diagnosis 291.0 (Alcohol Intoxication Delirium), and I’m currently looking for a woman who suffers from DSM-IV diagnosis 306.51 (Vaginismus).

If you find yourself with some free time on your hands, you should go to a support group meeting for people who suffer from a psychiatric disorder. You could learn a little bit about their particular condition. If anyone reading this decides to go to one of the support group meetings, I would recommend going to a meeting of people who suffer from the DSM-IV diagnosis 302.4 (Exhibitionism).