Report: Dan K. Back in Town

YOURTOWN, US–After a recent independent investigation, it has come to our attention here at the Times that Dan K., a known pal to many locals, has indeed returned to the area. For the past several months, Dan K.(whose last name is unknown but certainly begins with ‘K’) has been missing from the vicinity, leaving friends […]

WA Boy Buried Alive By Best Friends

Everett, Wash.–An Everett-area ginger kid died Monday from suffocation after being buried alive by his playmates in a backyard sandbox. Mainstream media implies that the cartoon Naruto “may be to blame” without citing any actual evidence as such, and without acknowledging that this 10-year-old boy may have never been taught or intuited on his own […]