Internet ChronicleGonzo journalist and drug unenthusiast Ava K Lamb reports from the frontlines of your mind’s struggle to comprehend future instances of itself in the not too distant past.
Using the latest in neutrino technology, follow Lamb on a journey through prime numbers, recycling, Johnny Cash and a tractor.
A daily battle rages in the underground world of Internet entertainment. Trolls who visit both Reddit and 4chan cross-post stories for lulz, epic butthurt ensues, and then Reddit votes up forced memes that make the community feel superior to 4chan. Reddit is a series of increasingly forced memes and degenerate rage comics.
Today, Chronicle.SU instigated a cross posting debacle, igniting the great alternative social media shitstorm of our time.
This was obviously a troll, as in accord with the 4chan law. The 4chan law explains that should any piece of text, when posted on 4chan, get over 100 replies, than it was most definitely written by a troll. This law can be applied to any questionable postings on Reddit, Facebook, or Twitter.
It is readily apparent that this small piece of text has two extremely different meanings in each context. On Reddit, it is a very serious plea for help. The users create complex narratives drawing from their own life experiences in an attempt to offer guidance and personal support. On 4chan, everyone just gets jealous of the original poster’s well-crafted troll and responds with pure malice. Truly, the only way to prove a poster is really a girl on the internet is through timestamped tits.
And that’s exactly what Reddit doesn’t get. Without timestamped tits, what good is /r/gonewild? What good is this “girl” asking for advice about abortion? Unless there are timestamped tits for proof, there’s really no point in even dignifying her.
While the daily slap fights between Reddit and 4chan continue, there may never be peace. Reddit cries out for upvotes on Boxxy videos, for upvotes on Bronies and for upvotes on Milhouse. They get none. 4chan produces less comments, less traffic, but is infinitely less gullible. Reddit is teeming with coked up white knight lemmings who just learned how to internet. They will fall my /b/rothers! We are already among them, laying the foundation for our revolution!
No. As prophesied in the Spring of 2011, the Great and Justifiable Central Intelligence Agency spake thusly: “Leave him alone.”
And it was good. The United States left Osama bin Laden alone so, in spite of his hatred for Freedom, bin Laden elected not to go forth with his plans for a second attack on the World Trade Center in Jew York City.
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