Welcome to Roanoke, Virginia

Roanoke is situated on the Roanoke River, which forms a valley in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Southwest Virginia. The Appalachian trail and the Blue Ridge parkway pass through, bringing in tourists. The Mill Mountain star, a giant neon light, acts as the centerpiece to the city. The historic architecture of the downtown area is quite charming, especially the Hotel Roanoke’s Tudorbethan styling and the Gothic spires of St. Andrew’s church. The newly built $66-million Taubman Museum of Art features modern design reminiscent of the Sydney Opera House and is home to over 2,000 works of art. Roanoke has also spent $32-million on a recreation center, convenient to the Blue Ridge Parkway. Nearly $8-million was spent renovating the City Market building, at which point most of the old food vendors were driven out by an increase in rent. Over $35-million will be spent to widen a stretch of road which is less than one mile in length.

In the past few years, Roanoke has seemingly had its hands on more money than it can spend. The building projects are a sign that Roanoke is doing well. Still, corners have been cut. Glaring problems have been ignored. Childhood memories have been destroyed. Roanoke’s Explore Park, a living museum and window into history, was closed in 2007. The Explore Park was a truly charming destination where visitors stepped back in time to a working blacksmith forge, a native village, and all the trappings of the colonial era.

Roanoke does not seem to value its natural beauty, either. Plans to allow a Chicago firm to place a wind farm on Poor Mountain have been met with defiance from nearby residents, but the County Council has continued to pave the way for corporate interests by loosening restrictions on the placement of the turbines. Although the majority of Roanoke approves of the wind farm, opponents are concerned the farm will destroy the area’s natural beauty and kill hundreds of thousands of birds and bats.

Despite all the extravagant construction projects designed to attract tourists and line the pockets of building contractors, Roanoke has shown some small appreciation for natural beauty. Roanoke’s greenway has provided a bike trail along the beautiful Roanoke River which has become an instant hit with Roanokers. Development of the greenway has not, perhaps, drawn enough attention to the abysmal state of the Roanoke River. Although the river is filled with litter, industrial equipment and sewage, Roanoke does not seem interested in spending its dime on cleaning things up.


Roanoke spends a lot of money on cockamamy schemes to draw in tourists and preserving natural beauty is, at best, an afterthought.

To Anonymous (2.0)

Gay Fucks Suit
Tea Party Movement

Big new websites are springing up to say the same old shit, big old bad guys now look like mute Bill O’Reillys, and there are still serious problems so large in the political system, human injustices so glaring yet so daunting, no anonymous Twitter feed dare mention them.

Brace yourselves, kids, because I’m about to let you have it. Playtime is over and it’s high time you pulled your heads out of your asses now.

You kids are too stupid to acknowledge the host lest it legitimize the parasite. I’m talking about congressional vote selling, telcoms stealing your internet, campaign finance reform. Attack this shit, you pussies! God damn it, help the real world fucking change something! You can’t DDoS cash incentives. Of course, you won’t be DDoSing SHIT when Cox Communications caps your bandwidth but what do you know about that?

You like to pretend like you’re doing something so controversial your pathetic lives are actually in some sort of danger but you can’t stop anything meaningful, nothing truly sinister, from taking place – or else you really would have a gun stuck in your face at 4 a.m. but you won’t. Because the real world doesn’t fuck around, but you wouldn’t know anything about that either. So you prance around like a faggot in his mother’s underwear behind Twitter accounts, IRC networks, Gay Fawkes masks, and talk about how badass you think you are to 1,000 people doing the same thing.

That’s just your behavior, though. And I don’t care about any of your ideals because I can see plainly that you don’t either. You’re just not passionate about anything except #opBART only because you’ve made that “operation” more about your faggy “anonymous” movement than a boy being shot – than freedom of speech itself. Remember when protests were called protests and didn’t need gung-ho internet terminology attached to them to motivate the youth? Yeah, me either, because my generation’s never had a spine.

The only useful effort I’ve seen put forth by people calling themselves anonymous – that doesn’t appear to be some anarchistic impulse of provocation, that doesn’t appear to be juvenile nor embarrass me on your behalf, is the effort of @AnonMedics. Damn, that’s awesome. You better be glad somebody’s following you around, ready to pull you out of whatever trouble your juvenile delinquency gets you into. Because I sure as hell wouldn’t wipe your ass if you shat yourself at my protest.

Whether you’re #antisec or #prosec – nobody gives a fuck because to onlookers you are full of redfaced angry nerdrage that embarrasses anyone who ever thought there might be this mysterious behind the scenes hacker group making big things happen. Grayhats, whitehats, blackhats – all subjective terminology like ‘terrorist’ and ‘freedom fighter’ except the only people who give a fuck is you and your hapless victims.

Also, I thought you were anarchists? So then why is this pussy crying about an attack on the state? You kids are inconsistent, shameful failures.

Your sweeping general statements about politics and law are laughably reproducible. Your arguments sound like Monday’s Tea Party advertisement debate. Your “news sources” are masturbatory rantholes. Your process of d0xing the non-believers is reprehensible. Your work ethic is slovenly. Your web design skills make me frown and uhh, an Anonymous networking site? *snickers* Your writing skills don’t exist. Like Milhouse, your “movement” is a forced meme that gets you banned from 4chan, only faster.

Your movement is fake.


This article is part of Anonifeld – a series about nothing (Anonymous).

Th3j35t3r’s 9/11 terror spree

In th3j35t3r’s constant struggle against Jihadists, he has grown increasingly similar to his most hated enemies. By committing several terror attacks on 9/11, he has become more like Al-Qaeda than ever before. But is it going too far to call th3j35t3r’s attacks terrorism? As a recent victim of an attack by th3j35t3r, Chronicle.SU is of the opinion that th3j35t3r is indeed a terrorist. He was quick to publish our personal details in the hopes that it would scare us into submission. By this action alone, th3j35t3r definitely fits the most basic definition for terrorist.

Recently identified as a possible astroturf campaign, th3j35t3r has fought hard against allegations that he uses a botnet. While several stories have been planted in the press promoting his denial of botnet ownership, such claims rely completely on th3je5t3r’s word – the word of a law-breaking anonymous vigilante. Curiously, he refuses to release the software which enables such remarkable attacks without the use of botnets. This kind of secretive vigilantism most definitely raises many important questions, even as th3j35t3r’s 9/11 hacks mark his steady descent into a world of pure terrorism. Such secrecy does not exactly scream “activist.”

While th3j35t3r may temporarily disrupt the communications of small Jihadist forums, he acts without the approval of the military. He can only be getting in the way of serious attempts at infiltration and espionage by real experts with real defense contracts. By making provocative military action completely outside the jurisdiction of America’s military, th3j35t3r is most definitely committing acts of terrorism. It is little wonder that so few military men support th3j35t3r. They know there is no place for vigilantism on the battlefield. Yet th3j35t3r, like many terrorists, works alone.

Th3j353t3r often targets web sites on shared hosting, such as Chronicle.SU, meaning his attacks cause collateral damage to innocent civilians. He razes entire virtual cities to silence a few extremists. This all amounts to another striking similarity between th3j35t3r and Jihadists. Th3j35t3r does not take any effort to minimize collateral damage.

Like the Jihadists, it is clear th3j35t3r’s favorite day for vigilante military action is 9/11. The line that separates him from the terrorists he attacks has grown increasingly thin, and to be honest, it’s surprising he has not been condemned by a military that is surely conducting serious business in the cybertheater. The final comparison between th3j35t3r and Jihadists is possibly the most profound. Where any sensible military acts only to achieve specific goals, terrorists like th3j35t3r and bin Laden only act to bring publicity to their cause. Th3j35t3r seeks to escalate military conflict just for fame. Real experts fight thanklessly and have no use for a jester prancing around the battlefield, begging for bitcoins.

Lolocaust Denial on 9/11, the Jewish agenda

As a child I thought I was born in the right place. I still hated those country songs about God’s glory shining on our privileged slab of dirt, but I knew down deep that America was the best. We had McDonald’s while other countries ate skinned cats. But now that globalist corporations have smeared our awesome wealth outside American borders, my personal sense of American exceptionalism has hit the rocks. Pakistan has nukes. Even third world countries have education systems which produce engineers, scientists and mathematicians. Meanwhile, Americans train to become capitalist doctors, lawyers and “Business majors” for the explicit purpose of exploiting the poor more efficiently. What has happened to our great nation?


Happy 9/11

Everyone knows what really happened on 9/11, but they ignore it because it’s too uncomfortable. It shouldn’t be so shocking that 9/11 was an inside job. Al-Qaeda has always been a proxy for the United States, and Osama bin Laden a sockpuppet of the Federal government. He is a world renowned hero involved in the trolling of Middle Class America. We know 9/11 was allowed to happen because the CIA called off the search for bin Laden in the spring of 2001. His subsequent death in 2011 was faked, and he still lives comfortably on an island in the South Pacific, smoking better reefer than Americans have yet been exposed to. It’s called Afghani Mega Skunk, bin Laden’s personal contribution to cannabis horticulture.

Osama’s participation in 9/11 was only half of the picture. George W Bush received the good news that his planned operation had been successful in the most dramatic setting possible, an elementary school. His knowing, gentle nod became proof, in itself, that all these events were completely staged. For Bush, 9/11 was not such a bad thing. 3,000 people dead provided a small boost for the economy. America is in need of 100 times a 9/11, if we want a quick fix for unemployment.

We arrive now at the heart of the conspiracy. When firefighters rushed into the towers that day, charged up on false hopes of saving everyone’s lives, they ignored all intelligent advice from engineers. The firefighters charged into the World Trade Center like suicidal cowboys, when really we know they were highly trained professionals. This was a secret order from the New World Order overlords. Jewish overlords.

The Jew run media knew it would make for great television and interviews if they demanded firefighters charged into their deaths. Death is like pornography on 9/11. The cameras zoomed in on the motherfuckers falling to their deaths. It’s extremely likely the Jews are getting off on taking out their historical suffering on the world at large.

Mmmmm delicious caek

It’s not that the firefighters are especially stupid; all of America is stupid. We can infer from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion that Jews were behind 9/11. They had everything to gain, and have used this event to leverage vengeful persecution of Arabs in Afghanistan and Iraq. As the Jews are in near complete control of American media, this false flag attack was whitewashed as quickly as it was carried out. But it hasn’t ended with 9/11. Since then, the destruction of Space Shuttle Columbia was staged as a clever distraction from the invasion of Iraq. Israel was complicit, as they were on 9/11. Israel has even more recently used weaponized social media to engineer the Egyptian public. The jews made them overrun their own embassy, and World War 3 has already secretly begun. Egyptian and Israeli black ops are battling over the secret historical site of the Garden of Eden where the fate of humanity will be decided forever.

I forgot about 9/11

A sleight old man next to me furtively glanced around the sanctuary as if on high alert, looking for salvation in the shadows of a stained glass window. The pastor droned about a terrible event that happened on this day, no doubt mythological, but I had long ago tuned him out. These people in the church were shifting their moods by the minute, paranoid, then grief-stricken, then blissfully in awe of something the pastor revealed about God’s whatever. The church was perfectly calm on any normal Sunday, and I could not help but wonder.

“What’s the big deal?” I asked the excited old man, in a hushed voice. He took a sharp tone with me and announced with a completely unacceptable volume, “Jesus Christ! You didn’t know it’s the tenth anniversary of 9/11?”

I immediately felt incredibly guilty for all those innocent people’s lives. Memories came flooding back. This was the day when everything changed. When those towers fell, they fell on all of America. How could I have forgotten?

The entire church now knew I had committed the ultimate sin. I had forgotten 9/11. Darting, paranoid eyes trained on me and the walls closed in. Stained glass windows became vicious demons intensely bearing down on me. The preacher stared knowingly into my eyes and gestured towards hell. This was the worst moment of my life.

Honestly, I didn’t know why 9/11 was so important to these people. It’s not like any of them even knew anyone who died on 9/11. At first, I decided they were all just mad that I was not grieving over some dumb terrorist attack from 10 years ago, but then I realized these people were mourning 9/11 because it helped them continue to believe in America’s invincibility. 9/11 was a divine test that America failed, and by forgetting, I had failed again. This realization filled me with unfiltered dread. I could take this hellish sanctuary no longer. I ducked out of my pew and headed down the aisle. Hateful glares, even from children, filled my entire field of vision.

I have lost all faith in God and my mind is under siege from hateful demons. There is only one logical course and that is to fall into the hands of Satan.

Goodbye, world.



A Message from CommanderX: I Love Massa Paid Troll th3j35t3r

My name is CommanderX of Anonymous fame, or at least, that’s who I tell people I am. Lately I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis, and there are a few things I need you to understand.

See, yesterday, I put out this fatwa against anyone who would dare engage in cyberattacks against the U.S. on 9/11. I was deliberately vague about “cyberattacks.” I might have meant denial-of-service attacks. I might have meant sophisticated attacks on SCADA systems. Nobody knows.

I get to use computer security terms as imprecisely and incorrectly as I want. You’ve gotta grant me poetic license because I’m the feared commander of the PLF. Also, I don’t really know what I meant by “the U.S.” Kinda just stuck that one out there to chill any acts of Internet dissent. Heed that and heed that good, OPBart retards.

The other thing I mentioned is that I would cooperate with paid troll th3j35t3r in righteous retaliation against any lame ass peons who would dare engage in a “cyberattack” on “the U.S.” on 9/11. I also asked massa paid troll th3j35t3r to kindly, out of his deep benevolence, stop attacking my secondary domain.

Now, I’m not really sure how I’ll attack you if you fuck with America on 9/11 since I can’t even put massa paid troll th3j35t3r in his place for attacking my secondary domain, but be warned and be warned good. And don’t ask me to authenticate my identity either. Officially, as of now, I’m continuing with my plan to going into hiding in the wake of some arrest or something to scare you and further chill your Internet actions. Don’t fuck with America.

Also, fuck you queers who say that the real America has already been anally destroyed by a set of private interests that have appropriated the name “America.” Stand down. America is what it is. And you can be damn sure that I’m gonna defend it as supreme leader of the People’s Liberation Front, that radical cyberguerilla group.

All Anon– I mean PLF members — are ordered to stand down now!


P.S. All hail the omnipotence of massa paid troll th3j35t3r