YPSILANTI, MI–Early Wednsday Morning, Soulja Boy announced his affiliation with the Illuminati while at a party with Lil Tunechi, Sabu, Nicki Minaj, Topiary, Barrett Brown, and many others. The new album “Souljanati” will explore his Masonic rites and explain the reason why Michael Jackson had to be removed from the fold.
Lil Tunechi and Soulja Boy celebrated by snorting a carefully-arranged hashtag-shaped line of the best Colombian Fishscale Cocaine, which they chased with a bottle of Robitussin. Jennifer Emick, the gracious host of this party and 33rd degree Illuminati Leader, immediately turned away all Souljaboy fans who didn’t bring her a generous offering of malt liquor, thus denying them entry into the Illuminati.
Ron Bryn arrived late, rambling to himself about Neal Rauhauser, and licked the table clean of all traces of cocaine. Later, he attacked several partygoers for their role, as he described, in “Adrian Lamo’s menacing Nazi sockpuppet network.”
Meanwhile, some guy named Shm00ptheGod had a really great jerk session and he didn’t even use lube this time.
EARTH – Gangnam Style has finally reached the eyes and ears of every living human being.
Gangnam Style is pouring from every orifice of the Internet and daytime television. Gangnam Style permeated American culture faster than you could hook a USB stick up to it via Ellen, Shoenice, local weather guys all across morning news and YouTube user holy-fuck-let’s-not-get-carried-away-with-ourselves-oh-what-the-hell-the-faster-you-can-make-them-the-better.
Indonesian day laborers, Thai sweatshop workers, the American homeless, people in South and Central Africa have come into close personal contact of some form with Gangnam Style. Even Eritrean refugees, once forced by the government to spend their entire lives face down on a bed of sand, are now allowed two provisions: the continuation of life in a sand prison, and enjoyment of Gangnam Style in as many different configurations of which they can think.
Played in every bar across the planet, individuals who once chose to suffocate themselves with alcohol to escape from the very reality Gangnam Style satirizes, are now caught up in the number one PSY’Sssick beats of self-awareness-pumping Gangnam Style. Get all in that decadence InFiltrator style, and pump, pump, pump it up. And blow it down.
Gangnam Style has so fractured the spiritual world, cult voids that once insulated us from the vacuum of transhuman insanity are bleeding onto the pages of human history because they’re allowing Gangnam Style in schools. For some, Gangnam Style has replaced God. More literal translations of Gangnam Proverbs differentiate Gangnam Style from PSY, its creator. Fundamentalist Gangnam Style has solidified in the brittle cracks of the fractured cult plane and begun to infect the consciousness of world leaders.
The United Kingdom Parliament, for example, has been replaced by a mathematically perfect array of beautiful young women on all fours, poking their asses toward the sky. Prime Minister David Cameron’s new role is to stand over them, fixated on the boundless sexual potential of iPhone-hungry children just starving for exploitation, and to celebrate this bounty with caricatured renditions of Gangnam Style.
No one can really say what’s next for PSY, or if the Gangnam Style worldview is versatile enough to adapt to the shifting cult plane.
Dozens of Gangnam Temples have already sprung up across the East Coast. There is even debate whether to allow a controversial Gangnam Temple to be built near Ground Zero in New York City, for fear it could spark waves of ironic self-protest against the Capitalist agenda that control-demolished Towers 1 and 2.
TL;DR Those towers were meant to fall, and Gangnam Style took them down.
Sent from my iPhone
Increasingly, all people are being turned into objects. This is more than a gender issue. This is the death of the Subject. Nobody has truly come to grips with the horrible alienation of Social Media. On r/creepshots, people have entered a sick feedback loop that we all know ends with ragdoll porn and sex doll necrorape fantasy. Sure it’s legal, but so is investigating the identities of the people who moderate it.
“What kind of person would want to sit around and moderate Reddit all day?” ~ Viciously Raped Sex Doll
Adrian Chen is a dickhead who constantly steals his ideas from Chronicle.SU, and Gawker is a piece-of-shit tabloid, but Violentacrez, a person who didn’t even take elementary precautions to protect his identity, cannot be doxed. Just because he’s your friend and he’s being attacked by a tabloid doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice the freedom of speech.
In this day and age it’s so common for meaning to be inverted by a small group of people who control media. Just look at the way Christians claim that abortion is an affront to religious freedom. Censoring Gawker in the name of freedom of speech is the same thing. Your bff, Violentacrez, might have been unfairly treated by someone trolling for tabloid hits, but is the answer really abusing your power to censor an entire media outlet? Why’d you even bother with the SOPA blackout?
I’ve had my run-ins with Reddit Moderators in the past. In fact, Chronicle.SU is banned from r/politics. By banning Gawker, a small group of people have ONCE AGAIN proven they are merciless tyrants.
HOUSTON, TEXAS – Tuesday, scientists at NASA were shocked by images of a Cnidarian fossil beamed from Mars. The Curiosity rover, which has been surveying an ancient riverbed, unearthed a bright white fossil which NASA’s exobiologists say appears similar to primordial coral reefs.
Coral reefs are formed by colonies of simple polymorphous invertebrates which lack organs. Angstrom H. Troubadour, spokesperson for the exobiology lab at Curiosity command, said, “This object could be anything from a piece of an ancient Martian coral reef to a previously undiscovered form of life.”
Other experts are critical of this announcement, calling it “premature,” but Mr. Troubadour maintains that this is sure evidence of life on Mars, adding “The object may not even be fossilized. If that’s true, it’s an incredible find because it would contain much more organic material to analyze. It may even give us a profound insight into why life on Mars died out.”
Science has long held the probability of of extraterrestrial life to be incredibly high. This probability is so high, in fact, that this discovery does not come as any surprise to the community. Some churches, however, have already denied that this discovery could be possible. Pastor Fred Falwell of Liberty Baptist Church says, “Satan has placed this fossil, like other fossils on Earth, in order to deceive mankind and deny the truth of the Bible. There is nothing in Genesis about God creating life on Mars, so it is surely a deception of Lucifer.”
Despite some skepticism, this discovery has fired the imaginations of people worldwide, and some have even taken to the streets rejoicing in the fact that we are not alone. Environmentalists have taken this as an opportunity to preach about the frailty of life, and UFO enthusiasts have also hailed this discovery as evidence for their long-held beliefs.
Firstly, I would like to admit that I am a true believer in David Icke’s reptilian theory. However, as time has passed, I’ve realized that Icke’s increasingly influenced by the very reptilians he believes he is fighting.
David Icke’s visual frequency is not attenuated to his own image; hence, he is unable to realize he is himself a reptilian. Theorists have speculated that Icke’s proven status as a reptilian is in fact a false-flag theory proposed by the reptilians to discredit him. This, of course, is a naive assumption buttressed only by a cult-like admiration for Icke’s manipulative, charismatic and altogether reptilian personality.
Just beyond the thin veneer of Icke’s friendly exterior lies an emotionless obsession for control of others — the trademark of a reptilian. The cold stare in his eyes is an experience many have recounted upon close contact with his piercing and otherworldly gaze. He has absolutely no empathy for those he preaches to, and the ridiculous way he treats the reptilian threat is a classic example of hidden-in-plain-sight strategy. The saddest part of it all is that he, himself, does not — cannot–recognize his own reptilian nature.
On an interstitial plane between dimensions, the reptilians effectively have hidden their agenda through the vessel of Mr. Icke. As with others manipulated by this agenda, Mr. Icke himself is totally unaware of the possessors tainting his bloodline. His manipulative and viral reptilian fear, which he has made millions of dollars promoting, is precisely the favored tactic of the reptilians he so often rails against.
In essence, when one is afraid of the reptilians, they increasingly fall under the power of these Masonic Illuminati forces that permeate our corrupted bloodlines — perhaps our ape ancestors interbred with snakes, as hinted at in the biblical tale of Adam and Eve. No one has blood that is “clean” of reptilian influence, and the fear that has taken its grip on David Icke is proof that he, more than anyone else, is suffering from the pervasive and menacing power of reptilians.
Netizens have long wondered about the secrets of Metal Gear, and the Beleaguered and Imprisoned Leadership of Project PM have decided it is time to reveal the secret Barrett Brown has hidden for so long. As sacred leader of the secretive and mystical Project PM, I have created a holy Sockpuppet Apocryphon that JUST MIGHT help you increase your reach and specialize your New Social Media Empire! Unlike useless and paranoid cryptography, this is worthless for hiding your plans to kill police, but you just might increase your voice by powers of magnitudes.
I’ve got literally 10 billion followers with the YourAnon RupertMudochMediaEmpire, so listen the fuck up. Anyone can do it.
Are the sockpuppets after you? Join us at the #SockParty For Idiots.
Social media accounts grow like plants. Plant your social media accounts as soon as you can! The more the better. Plants need sunlight, water, and some firm soil to grow. Likewise, social media accounts need sex and violence. Also they need reality. People need to be voted off of Twitter and out of the world all the time. If you aren’t retweeting dox that will cause people to be abused, you just won’t have the big following of the Fox News Sockpuppet Army. It’s always good to fire out some drama once a week–any more and you’ll be called a cyberstalker. Remember, everyone likes infighting the most because it’s the least expected. Do it too much though and it looks bad!
Tractates Sockpuppeta Apocrypha
- Have lots of emails.
- Have lots of sockpuppets.
- Control all the socks easily.
- View the people messaging the socks easily.
In the realm of Twitter, the fourfold path can be fulfilled even by the most amateur of users with a few very simple services.
First, sign up for a lot of emails. If you have your own web server this is ideal, but if you don’t you can use yahoo or something. It’s helpful but not necessary to have an email client like Mozilla Thunderbird which can handle multiple accounts at the same time so you can quickly verify your accounts. I won’t go into how to use Thunderbird but yes it will work easily with the kind of web based accounts that are popular with the kids these days. Always write all the usernames and passwords down for reference cause you can’t possibly remember them all. Leave room between each for the info of the associated Twitter account.
Now that you have lots of emails, you need lots of Twitter accounts. Each time you make an account, write down the usernames and passwords next to the emails. I like to fill the account out with all the info it needs as I go. Empty profiles and eggs aren’t getting your sockpuppet army anywhere. Get some pictures of empty suits; that seems popular these days. Don’t forget to answer the email confirmation! It might not even matter, I don’t even know. Try not doing it and see what happens! This could all be superstition. The ways of Twitter are mysterious.
When you’re done filling out the “new account,” you need to tie it to a “central account” that will control it through DMs. You do NOT want to have to log in and out of twitter accounts all day long just to run Metal Gear! Every multi-account sockpuppet twitter client I’ve ever tried is a piece of shit, therefore I now use BirdHerd. While you’re still logged in to your new account, go to BirdHerd.com, let it access the Twitter account, and add your central account to the “contributors.” In the settings you can disable the “/via” style if you so desire (you do). If you do this right, you can control as many accounts as you want from the central account with simple direct messages and never log in or out. After you’re all set up with BirdHerd, you can log out and make another sockpuppet.
Finally, how do you keep track of what people are saying to all these sockpuppets? It’s easy with TwitterFall.com. Simply put each of the sockpuppets’ Twitter names into the “search” bar! This will keep track of all mentions of this term in real time for your sockpuppeting enjoyment.
Congratulations, young sockpuppet padawan. You are on your journey towards fulfilling the four noble truths of Sockpuppets and will have a media empire of your own one day that Lebal Drocer will gladly absorb xor grind into oblivion.
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