“Gravity Bong” Explodes Mans Lungs

BOULDER, CO — Chet Goodman, 19, was killed last night when his lungs exploded from the use of what is called a “gravity bong,” to forcibly inhale marijuana smoke. Goodman had just returned to Boulder from his hometown of Los Angeles for fall semester at Colorado University, when his roommates suggested to ceremoniously get high . . .

Canadian PM Against Human Trafficking Totally Looks Like The Human Trafficking Type

Many First Nations women, children and even babies are trafficked throughout Canada by the Harper regime under the umbrella of their own “protection.” . . .

Lebal Drocer officials enter Chronicle offices, destroy hard drives

Lebal Drocer, Inc. has toughened their stance on Internet freedom, citing the upswing in information terrorism as one reason for writing new legislation that would grant them “unfathomable” control over Internet traffic all over the world. . . .

Wasp Cuts Bee In Half Around Two Very High Men

Whooooa, duuuuuude . . .

Illuminati No Longer A Conspiracy Theory

The Grandmaster of the Illuminati stepped out of the shadows to tell reporters they were responsible for 9/11, and it may have been their worst mistake.

LONDON — Reporters met with the anonymous Grandmaster and ranking 33rd degree member of the Illuminati, who stepped out of the shadows to accept responsibility for 9/11. . . .

President Obama Pardons Chelsea Manning

WASHINGTON, DC — Today in a landmark victory for the LGBT community, President Barack Obama issued an official presidential pardon for whistleblower Bradley Manning. Manning has officially come out as transgendered and chosen to go by the name “Chelsea,” an obvious nod to former president Bill Clinton’s lesbian daughter. The pardon comes in the midst . . .

Twitter Pissing Contest Shatters World

Dan Danwald’s freedom Reporting was taken to task by an angered Freedom Blogger.

INTERNET — Wednesday, secret documents reported on by the world’s greatest investigative reporter, Dan Danwald, sparked a rare outburst of dissension within the keyboard freedom movement. In a scathing blog post loaded with the fine writing of a beginner, Tob . . .

Mitt Romney says Bradley Manning got what he deserved

Mitt Romney. Wow. . . .

David Miranda unveils Loch Ness Monster Coverup

David Miranda announced the UK’s ongoing cover-up of the Loch Ness Monster.

LONDON — After landing in Heathrow, Glenn Greenwild’s life partner David Miranda had his electronic devices confiscated and was cavity searched under UK terrorism law. Authorities accused Miranda of carrying documents that were intended to aid a terrorist organization.

Miranda held . . .

Take the Troubadour Challenge

Real doctor

Sup fellow dudes? I bet ya can’t finish a single round of Civilization V in one sitting.

Hi, I’m Angstrom H. Troubadour, M.D. I’m here to invite you to take the Troubadour Challenge.

The Troubadour Challenge is an annual event held twice yearly, every six weeks out of the month. We . . .