Why the hell do you want to destroy the government?

INTERNET —  Every single fucking day, Twitter revolutionaries speak of dismantling the government. Why? Because our friends at the NSA have terrible surveillance powers no one should ever have access to, and the military conveniently polices genocidal dictators. Terrible, chilling stuff. But if you take down the government, you take down a monolithic totem of […]

Syrian Liberation Looming, Commerce Dept.: Streaming Al Jazeera English a ‘Felony’

WASHINGTON – As a full-scale NATO offensive against Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad looms, the Obama administration’s Commerce Department is ensuring that Americans have full access to accurate information about the upcoming struggle. Commerce Secretary Penny Pritzker said Tuesday that any Americans attempting to Web-stream Al Jazeera English, as opposed to Al Jazeera America, would face […]

5 million dead after Obama orders Nuclear Strike on Syria

DAMASCUS — Much of Syria has been transformed into a “Sea of Glass” after sources reported an enormous nuclear blast Wednesday. President Obama addressed the American people from the Oval Office, saying, “We cannot permit the use of weapons of mass destruction against innocent civilians anywhere in the world. The Assad regime has been annihilated […]