Barrett Brown is a big ol’ Nemelka and he don’t know what that is even

Raking in the sympathy accolades: honorable mentions for awards no one’s ever heard of from people who don’t know what the fuck this guy is on about but totally buy into the hype.

He went to prison and his girlfriend went over to Adrian Lamo and you wouldn’t believe the wild conspiracies. Who fuckin’ knows. . . . – we got nothing for you

Donald Trump's ex-wives speak of monstrous forced abortions

hello internet. this is yo8ur captain speaking. i am hate sec and i have literally nothing for you. NOTHING. in my little hate soul was left for YOU because you weren’t good enough, but you’re all such excellent readers and i’d really liike to commend my staff for the wonderful work they’ve done.

what emoji . . .

US Presidents under increasing threat of rap battle. Sources report: ‘These mixtapes are fire’

Obama pardoned Manning with the click of a button, after he was found guilty in a verdict Tuesday.

Being President means living under constant threat of sudden rap battles.

Washington, D.C. — King Obama stands up from a throne of human bones and walks onto the balcony overlooking Pennsylvania Avenue.

‘Today is the day,’ he thinks. ‘Today it is finally going to happen.’

Having entered his third stage of molting, Obama sheds . . .

#THumP offers fake reward to Kilgoar ‘n Hatesec

THumP’s logo is a hand that both gives and takes.

INTERNET — The THumP (Humanity Party) campaign is in full damage control after a real barn burner of a very special hour long Hate Radio podcast by Kilgoar ‘n Hatesec. Kilgoar’s research proved beyond a doubt that THumP is a political party controlled . . .

Christopher Nemelka’s Anonymous

Nemelka before his foray into science fiction and Anonymous

Christopher Nemelka is a slippery individual to begin to understand. He has “translated” holy texts that Joseph Smith withheld, and is now spearheading a utopian political campaign which has gained tremendous publicity by associating itself with Anonymous. None of the news media reporting on the . . .

Polygamist Nemelkite Cult behind “Anonymous” Humanity Party

In a white leather, white-haired space alien suit the Guy Fawkes clad leader peppers us with a biblical and constitutional mix of propaganda in support of his presidential campaign. While claiming to be the only authentic “Voice of Anonymous,” sources show the Humanity Party domain was registered by Chrisopher Nemelka, a conman who admitted . . .

Donald Trump announces his son Eric Trump will run as VP

Donald Trump announced his son Eric would be running as his Vice Presidential candidate

INTERNET — In a startling and unexpected coup this morning, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump “fired” his campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, replacing him with his children. By the early afternoon, Trump announced on Twitter that he was naming his son, . . .

Just another mass murder suicide

INTERNET — Another suicidal man with assault weaponry went out in a blaze of infamy. Headlines stoked his epic kill streak and offered a vanishing thin narrative of the events as officials in law enforcement offered bare facts in ten second bursts throughout the day.

The next afternoon, survivors speak at length of the more . . .

Griefers of Gaia Online

GAIA, INTERNET — Sometimes I go barefoot. I wear a crimson lion mask and deal wrathful protection with a katana.

Before me is oceanic weeb, white noise chatter gathered around a fountain. This is Towns, a graphical chat in Gaia Online. It is IRC with the added benefit of chibi avatars. Gleeful neon pixies dance . . .

Child raised by monkeys ‘better off’ without human family

For years a noble group of savage monkeys raised a baby as their own.

LOS ANGELES – Investigators working on an impromptu scientific study have determined a boy found living among our furry primate cousins is actually “better off” than if his original human parents, the Smiths, had raised him as their own.

Separated . . .