ISIS issues Fatwa against Reddit

The Caliph of the Islamic State issued a Fatwa against Reddit

The Caliph of the Islamic State issued a Fatwa against Reddit

INTERNET — Caliph Ibrahim al-Badri al-Samarrai of the Islamic State issued a Fatwa against Reddit after a user known as “jewishvirgin” posted an insulting depiction of the prophet Muhammed. The founder of Islam was drawn crudely as a pig defecating rainbows, his . . .

Obama Seeks to Celebrate Affordable Care Act Anniversary in Most Affordable Way Possible

Dr. Obama

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the one-year anniversary of the immediately successful launch of healthcare.gov approaches, the Obama administration has finalized plans to celebrate in a big way.

Or as press secretary Josh Earnest put it, “it’s gonna be fucking patriotic as shit—the American Way, fgts.”

After weeks of floundering . . .

New Microsoft boss did “so much” cocaine prior to Windows 10 announcement: “We’re skipping 9″

"I did this much cocaine."

New MS boss Satya Nadella announced at a business event that he can not feel his hands.

In an unprecedented act of self-hatred, Microsoft has announced it will distance itself from the hilariously bad Windows 8 by refusing to name the next build generation Windows 9.

“Windows 10 will be so fucking badass,” a . . .

Fraught Historic Parallel stokes Islamophobia for America’s Left

Is the Islamic State religious? Are they just like the Spanish Inquisition?

Is the Islamic State religious? Are they just like the Spanish Inquisition?

INTERNET — Yet another anti-religious scientist columnist slipped miserably in a fraught attempt to deploy a historic parallel to back up his point of view. Jerry A. Coyne, of New Republic, veered into the perilous field of theology in his unfortunately . . .

Richard Stallman Arrested for Criminal Negligence

Richard Stallman balances a Japanese samurai blade

Richard Stallman balances a Japanese samurai blade

INTERNET — After the notorious “shellshock” bug was found, embedded irresponsibly in millions of computers by Richard Stallman of the free and open source GNU platform, Stallman was charged with criminal negligence and may face over fifty million years in jail when convicted of all five . . .

Charlie Sheen dead at 49

Charlie Sheen died in a plane crash on Friday evening

Charlie Sheen died in a plane crash on Friday evening

HOLLYWOOD — Fans mourn the loss of Charlie Sheen, famed star of Two and a Half Men and controversial proponent of recreational drug use.

While flying his private plane, authorities say Sheen became engaged in autoerotic asphyxiation and lost consciousness. Search teams located . . .

Kony building dirty Ebola bomb

Kony is cooking up "dirty" Ebola bombs by sending his child army to collect thousands of deceased Ebola victims.

Kony is cooking up “dirty” Ebola bombs by sending his child army to collect thousands of deceased Ebola victims.

INTERNET  — Kony, terrorist commander of Africa’s child army, has teamed up with weapons technicians from Boko Haram to construct what has been called a “dirty” Ebola bomb. Rather than weaponizing the deadly virus . . .

Emma Watson Dead at 24

Emma Watson drank bleach Monday evening shortly after 4chan hacked her iPhone and posted her nudes.

Emma Watson drank bleach Monday evening shortly after 4chan hacked her iPhone and posted her nudes.

INTERNET — Fans mourn for Emma Watson, star of Harry Potter, after she was found dead in her apartment in New York on Monday evening. After giving a speech at the UN about her support of feminism, . . .

Coca Cola says “Share a Coke with the Islamic State”

Coca Cola disseminated this piece of viral marketing along with a message of peace for the Middle East

Coca Cola disseminated this piece of viral marketing along with a message of peace for the Islamic State

BAGHDAD — Coca Cola issued its most provocative political message yet in a piece of viral marketing featuring a Coke labeled “Share a Coke with ISIS.” Coca Cola’s marketing director Jen Stamois said, “We aren’t . . .

American footballer “very sorry” for whatever he did

NFL Hall-of-Famer "Jumpin" Joe DeRouda was filmed raping a child.

NFL Hall-of-Famer “Jumpin” Joe DeRouda was unfortunately filmed raping a child.

Miami, Fla. – NFL Hall-of-Famer Joe DeRouda expressed remorse Saturday for his participation in a videotaped gang-rape which took place at the Miami Hilton during regular season.

A video leaked earlier this week depicts a man bearing DeRouda’s resemblance, . . .