Hungry for dignity, chronicle.su editors search desperately for real jobs

micky dees snapbacks

The work is already piling up behind kilgoar at his new cubicle job. He now hates Mondays, and is learning to deflect the rhetorical question, “You know what TV show you look like?”

Asheville, N.C. — In a harsh economy of rapidly declining meme dankness, compounded by sheer pepe rarity, Internet Chronicle . . .

Black holes look just like the sun

The Lebal Drocer Hate-Coil: A little girl shows her family how she believes 46.789% of our known universe will die in a gamma ray burst originating from the Great Attractor

Agents of entropy, black holes are real and they are all around you

You say cheese and the camera steals your soul. What a smile! How many pictures of you are out there, capturing that magical moment when you pretended to be happy on command? What a smile. Such a warm memory. . . .

“Puppy Monkey Baby” is a freakish genetic experiment passed off as CGI

Puppy Monkey Baby spoke with reporters, using the darknet Tor

THE HIGH TOWER — Fiends at Mountain Dew’s genetic testing labs cooked up a “fully sapient” hybrid puppy, monkey, homo sapiens freak for their yearly tele-orgy comedy show. Sources in the darknet formerly aligned with Alex Jones — before he turned into a fearmongering . . .

Modified Zika Virus outbreak linked to US Navy’s darknet

The Zika Virus is the first strike in a global genetic enslavement regime

INTERNET — Snowden came forward Sunday with shocking details of a plan by the US Navy to infect mothers in enemy countries with a modified virus that creates pinheaded subhuman babies for future enslavement.

Reporters Frank Mason and Ralph Haetsch . . .

Lebal Drocer board calls diversity proposal ‘unduly burdensome and kind of gay sounding’

Lebal Drocer Diversity Report 2015 - The pay grade for employees who identify as women is reduced in proportion to their femininity.

The company, like other big tech firms, has been criticized for being mostly male and predominantly white.

Last year, Lebal Drocer CEO Raleigh Theodore Sakers praised a diverse workplace. He said diversity is “whatever, pretty good I guess,” adding that having colored folk around, and women, could improve the company’s image.

But Lebal Drocer’s board . . .

Molly Crabapple calls for American Troops to intervene in Syria

Molly Crabapple calls for the US to mount an all-out invasion of Syria

INTERNET — Molly Crabapple tweeted Monday, “The US needs to launch an all-out ground assault on Syria to end Assad’s war crimes in Madaya,” Crabapple reiterated her position that US commanders are “pussies” for hesitating to bomb brown people so . . .

Molly Crabapple aka Jennifer Caban doxes author EM Quangel

Jennifer Caban supports and embodies US militarism disguised as subversive activism

INTERNET — Friday, effete splatter artist and debutante author Molly Crabapple aka Jennifer Caban revealed the true name of pseudonymous author Emma Quangel, igniting a firestorm of criticism and hatred. Crabapple and others justified the doxing under the reasoning that Quangel supports . . .

Man’s desperate quest for meaning ends at these best new tech gadgets of 2016

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Check these dank new products that are totally gonna save you from the pain of being alone. Lebal Drocer, Inc. proudly presents our Top 5 Products of 2016 Guaranteed To Distract You From The Pain of Existence!

It’s true Jesus had to walk that lonesome valley, but Jesus didn’t have Twitter on an enecrypted futurephone, . . .

“Cultural Marxism” is scare propaganda for sad losers

This weird creep is a hero to many other obvious creeps

Cultural Marxism, a supposed race-based modification on Marx, created in the terrified imaginings of people with hostility for all race politics, completely ignores the works of Marx and uses that name only because it evokes fear. By mere substitution of race for . . .

LebalDrocer YouTopia Foam Mansion Project ushers in the final end to poverty and human struggle

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Acclaimed housing expert and inventor of tomorrow’s forms of social domination, Dr. Angstrom H. Buckminster Troubadour, told a warm audience of white silicon valley elites exactly what they wanted to hear — the unsightliness of poverty has finally and permanently been solved by his team of scientists at the YouTopia foam mansion housing project.

“I’ve . . .