Beyoncé’s tragic suicide came as a shock to fans around the world.
HOUSTON — Fans mourn the loss of Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter after a series of high-profile public embarrassments. Sunday, some fans blamed a blackout during the Super Bowl on Beyoncé’s extravagant halftime show, which featured the world’s biggest neon lights shaped like Beyoncé’s face. This comes on the heels of allegations Beyoncé lip-synced “The Star Spangled Banner” at President Barack Obama’s inauguration.
Police investigators confirm early reports the suicide was an intentional overdose on Diazepam, a medication Beyoncé took to ease her fits of manic depression. Her physician, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, attributed the fits to “stress related to identity issues.”
Beyoncé’s estate has been transferred to her surviving husband, Jay-Z, who did not return several badgering messages left by Chief Editor of The Internet Chronicle, Raghubir Goyal.
INTERNET — Well under 9.000 files (a paltry 4,000) representing the IP addresses, logins, and personal home addresses of small-time employees at local banks were allegedly released on Monday by “Anonymous” hackers. This information was posted on alabama.gov, along with a message claiming the data was obtained from the Federal Reserve. Some early reporting claims this information was posted on Pastebin.com. However, the only Pastebin link traded publicly by members of #OpLastResort contains only the insane rants of Aaron Bale. Anonymous also repeated the claim that they have long-term footholds in government computer systems. This release was coordinated with cooperation from advocacy journalist “Violet Blue,” perhaps to beat more skeptical coverage to the punch.
We support your narrative because it is ours. Now that is quality reporting!
“The hacktivist entity dropped enough technical details to make it clear that its tracks were covered and that Anonymous still had access to .gov websites,” said Violet Blue’s article published on ZDNET. Exemplary of what not to do when covering statements issued by hacking groups, the mere mention of “technical details” has reinforced an extraordinary narrative. Certainly these profoundly extraordinary claims from Anonymous require extraordinary evidence. However, this evidence is not mentioned or cited in any depth beyond this short sentence, dangling on its own mere absurd assertion. Even more, it is a dangerous and apparently unfounded endorsement of a terroristic threat designed to drain the government of resources.
This action has drawn strong comparisons to a past Anonymous operation manufactured by federal agents. “Anonymous,” led by FBI agent Sabu, hacked the open-source intelligence publication Stratfor, mischaracterizing it as a “Shadow CIA.” Using this information on Christmas eve, Sabu led “Anonymous” to target low-level journalists, raiding their bank accounts to make donations that would later be returned to the journalists after the charities were penalized.
Investigators at Chronicle.SU have been unable to find any proof that the information on 4,000 bank employees exists, as the alabama.gov website on which it was allegedly posted has since been taken offline. However, Violet Blue has reported on it (citing broken hyperlinks to alabama.gov), so therefore it must be true. Aaron Bale, spokesperson for the operation, refused to provide a link to the information for Chronicle.SU, accusing the glorious and infallible publication of cooperation with the US government, “[N]o one knows what [yo]ur talking about. At least sabu was lulzy and relevant. Fed money doesn’t buy what it used to.”
Chronicle.SU is wholly owned and operated by Lebal Drocer, Inc., a subsidiary of the United Soviet Socialist Democratic Republic of Cuthbert, Georgia, a sovereign entity and economic powerhouse leading the South to Rise Again in the name of its Dear Islamic Leader, the Loyal and Moral Raghubir Goyal.
INTERNET–Citing the NFL’s penchant for internet censorship, the hacking NaziGods temporarily shut down nfl.com Sunday, as fans prepare to celebrate Super Bowl XLVII. The NFL hack is part of a spree claimed by the NaziGods’ Twitter account. cia.gov was also hit and the group claims to have commandeered over 173 Twitter accounts. This weekend, Twitter admitted to a security breach which compromised 250,000 accounts.
NaziGods ruined the American Dream.
Seemingly stealing the thunder from Aaron Bale’s #OpLastResort, which promised to unleash explosive contents of so-called “Whistelblowing Warheads” also on Sunday, the NaziGods have disturbed the sacrosanct American tradition of eating total trash food and sitting in front of a television simply to enjoy the newest round of mind-altering advertisements.