“I warned you I’d do this,” he said.
Richmond, Va. – Area father Mark Bialek, 44, removed his belt Tuesday after asking Tyler, his rambunctious five year old boy, not to touch that candy on the impulse rack of a local Kroger supermarket.
Ignoring his father’s demands, the child grabbed a fistful of animal crackers and ran full speed into a glass door, went into shock and collapsed in the floor.
Onlooker Stephen Meager compared it to the human equivalent of pigeons flying into library windows. “It was like he didn’t even know glass existed,” commented Meager.
The father, doubly enraged by his child’s insolence and resulting injury, unbuckled his belt and – with a pop of the wrist – had it off and folded over tightly in his right fist. Standing over his lame, quivering child, the father described likely changes the boy could expect in his physical and emotional state once the two found themselves alone, in the near future.
Conditions, Bialek said, are expected to transition rapidly from “a pussy fit” into “a blistered ass,” in the wake of remorseless vengeance for the perceived destruction of his golden years, hinging on his own prior assumptions that he had anymore human potential before he accidentally became a father than his iPhone 3 could already provide on its own.
Through bleary eyes, the beaten child’s mind processed his abuse as an uncharacteristic form of love, and relished the attention.
“That’s called tough love,” said Bialek, on his way out of the store. “The boy’s got to learn.”
The American gaming male automatically degenerated into an alternating cycle of hardcore gaming and furious, repeated bouts of masturbation Tuesday after Mother Blizzard released her tepid seed into the yawning, fertile womb of jilted fantasy gamers who have already seen enough WoW expansions to make General Patreus reconsider an extensive Iraq strategy.
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