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News Uncontrollable Patriotism новости

CHRONICLE SUPPRESSED BY INDIGNANT US GOVERNMENT

Key members of the U.S. Senate have privately avowed to have the Chronicle taken down
Key members of the U.S. Senate have privately avowed to have chronicle.su taken down forever.

WASHINGTON– PRECLUDING THE PROTECT IP ACT, FEDERAL ACTION WAS TAKEN LATE SATURDAY NIGHT AGAINST THE CHRONICLE.SU IN ONE OF A HANDFUL OF “PLANNED ATTACKS” AGAINST WEBSITES “DEDICATED TO INFRINGING ACTIVITIES.” THE NATURE OF THE ATTACK, HOWEVER, IS POLITICALLY MOTIVATED.

HERE’S WHY:

THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY IN QUESTION [WHOSE AUDIO COPYRIGHT BELONGS TO A DEAD HOBO] IS NOT HOSTED AT CHRONICLE.SU, MEANING NOT ONLY ARE THE ACTIONS TAKEN AGAINST THE CHRONICLE ILLEGAL, THEY ARE AN ABUSE OF POWER GRANTED BY A LAW WHICH DOESN’T EVEN EXIST YET.

Roy Blunt ready to "drop the hammer" on chronicle.su
"Hammer those Chronicle boys into shape with THIS!"

THE CHRONICLE.SU IS ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN LEGAL BATTLES WITH “SEVERAL” MEMBERS OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE, NAMELY A DISCREET LIST OF CO-SPONSORS OF THE “PROTECT IP ACT.” NOT ONLY DOES OUR TAKEDOWN SUBVERT THE FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS OF CHRONICLE STAFF [ALL AMERICAN CITIZENS] BUT THE ASSAULT COMES DIRECTLY FROM WITHIN THE GOVERNMENT [IN CONTRAST TO RECENT ATTACKS BY RIGHTWING PSEUDOHACKERS KNOWN WITHIN THE INTERNET COMMUNITY AS “SCRIPT KIDDIES”].

DOING YOUR PART:

FREEDOM ISN’T FREE. TO COVER OVERSEAS HOSTING COSTS AND “INCREASING DRUG INTAKE” THE CHRONICLE.SU STAFF IS PASSIVELY ACCEPTING BITCOIN DONATIONS AT THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:

1PpkFjUeCUc2gJmCVuw79zGQTKjzEWG8yr

THE EMBATTLED CHRONICLE.SU HAS BROKEN OFF FROM THE UNITED STATES AND HAS EXPRESSED CONTROVERSIAL SOLIDARITY WITH UNCONVENTIONAL PARTNERS: THE SEPARATIST MOVEMENT PKK, THE KURDISTAN WORKERS’ PARTY.

PKKTHE PKK IS A KURDISH MILITANT ORGANIZATION WHICH HAS SINCE 1984 BEEN FIGHTING AN ARMED STRUGGLE AGAINST THE TURKISH STATE FOR AN AUTONOMOUS NATION AND GREATER HUMAN RIGHTS FOR ALL PEOPLE.

CHRONICLE.SU IS REPORTED TO HAVE RECEIVED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN EXCHANGE FOR ONGOING POLITICAL SUPPORT TO THE COMMUNIST REGIME.

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.
THE ATTACKS AGAINST THE CHRONICLE.SU AND LEBAL DROCER WILL NOT STAND. THE CHRONICLE.SU WILL NEVER DIE. CENSORSHIP IS QUIET. THE TRUTH IS LOUD.

THEY WILL DO ALL THAT THEY CAN TO CHIP AWAY AT OUR FREEDOMS OF SPEECH. THIS IS ONE IN A MYRIAD OF PECKS INTO A STONE MOUNTAIN OF UGLY TRUTHS THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. WE WILL WIN.

THE CHRONICLE ALWAYS WINS.

“READ THE CHRONICLE. KNOW THE TRUTH.”

[email protected]

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News

President Obama OKs Plan to Remove All Curvy Profiles From OKCupid

“Nobody wants ’em anyway,” added the President.

That people corner all the fungus in your frame

take it easy

I wanna live a life in vain

Make it women

[pullquote]god damn humanity vortex[/pullquote]You sit there with your fucking smartphones (smarter than you are), eyes sucked into them like a god damn humanity vortex. Is there anything more important than a fucking text message in this world? How about the fact we are all walking around in a motherfucking society?

“Nah, man. Nah, you see there’s this person sent me a text.”

Yeah, I get texts too and I don’t live to check and reply to them. I let that shit wait, why? Because it’s a fucking SMS sitting on a SIM-card. Why should I give a fuck somebody text me? You know what I do when I get a text? Options > Erase All. Because I don’t fucking care about your texts OR your phone calls.

Obama likes to Occupy Wall Street, if you know what I mean folks. I mean he is IN THOSE FUCKEN OFFICES REGULATING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER – just kidding, deregulating neoliberal globalism FTW UP IN HERE. WHERE MY BANKERZ @

“We’re right here sir.” Oh, good. Present thine penids so that I may sucketh thee.

Bankers present penids.

MMMMMMM THAT’S GOOD CAPITALISM! FREE MARKET SOCIETIES HAVE FEWER CHILDREN AND FEED THE CONSUMERIST APPETITE, APPLE PRODUCTS, EXTERNAL HARD DRIVES, FLAT SCREEN TV’S, MOTHERFUCKING PLASTIC SHIT.

Fuck you.

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News Obituaries

Totallyfalse.info Leader “Done In”

totallyfalse.infoLadies and Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that our dear compatriot Nick Maccombs of the totallyfalse.info has abandoned helm of the fine publication totallyfalse.info.

It is my regret to inform you all Maccombs suffers from Parkinson’s disease, which is no laughing matter. Additionally, he has finally succumbed to a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Nurses close to the editor said he’s “all fucked up” and “pretty much done in.” Nick has forgotten his passwords to everything, and is no longer capable of going online.

It is with great pleasure I announce chronicle.su hereby reserves the right to the Maccombs estate, including the domain totallyfalse.info, as relinquished upon apprenticeship to Lebal Drocer, Inc. and her subsidiaries – [outlined in the Legal section of this site.] This includes all intellectual property rights and access to personal finances.

Let us pray:

Dear Lord, we ask that you protect Maccombs on his holy quest. We ask that you make all the dinosaur bones go away, so that people will stop pointing to Nick as proof of your nonexistence, Dear Lord.

As I walk through /b/ in the shadow of death, I need do no evil, for you are with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort and pleasure me.

Amen.

Amen.

All rise.

Except you, Nick.

Rest in Peace.

This message brought to you infinitely by Lebal Drocer, Inc.