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Lebal Drocer, Inc. Security Advisory-0001: Cubic Time

Lebal Drocer, Inc Security Advisory-0001:
Multiple Cosmic Vulnerabilities in the Universe

Vendor: Gene Ray (http://timecube.com/)
Product: Cubic Time

Versions affected: ALL
Threat Level: Mauve

Product description:
Cubic Time is a Reality that posits:
"EARTH HAS 4 CORNER 

SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY

TIME CUBE

WITHIN SINGLE ROTATION.

                                      1 of God Is Only 1/4 Of God."

Finding 1: Gene Ray’s Cubic Time Reality is Truth, but suffers from a Remote Logic Collision(RLC). This new class of bugs has been pioneered by Lebal Drocer, Inc,’s Chief Security Researcher, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador. “From the outsiders perspective, Ray’s Time Cube Reality is the only absolute truth, but after years of analysis of his cryptic, peer-reviewed text and implementing a small simulation of the Time Cube in a isolated setting– I was able to remotely identify a logic collision which could cause catastrophic events.” he says, “I won’t go into how to crash the universe though,” Troubador said with a crooked smile.

“There are, however ways to use RLC vulnerabilities for the good of the universe and, in turn, mankind. One being, if you applied Hawking’s black hole “Apparent Horizon” theory, using it against a rotating XOR cipher with the gravitational constant, the Time Cube would result in a logic collision, leaking “unmangled” data from the black hole. Essentially, the Apparent Horizon/Time Cube RLC attack can be used to “decrypt” lost data from black holes, which Hawking has said was previously retrievable, yet mangled.”

Patch: Vendor contacted, no reply. Go wild, everyone!

Americans are actually RETARDED from

                                                 Religious Academia taught ONEism

…

The ONEist educated with their flawed 1 eye

perspective (opposite eyes overlay) Cyclops

 mentality, inflicts static non pulsating logos

as a fictitious queer same sex transformation.

Finding 2: Severe logic flaw in the Time Cube Reality causes cosmic confusion, resulting in Truth segmentation faults to the unaware. Dr. Troubador elaborates, “While Ray’s Time Cube is logically sound at this point, it suffers from a few misconfigurations in its base system of implementation, which can be leveraged to cause a “neuro-modulating Reality slow-torture cluster” to infuse itself into unwitting victims. The logic flaw above shows that Religious Academia teaches oneness, leading to “queer same sex transformations,” which is preposterous, considering God hates fags.”

Patch: Vendor alerted. No response.

Temporary fix/mitigation: Keep reading www.timecube.com for further englightenment.

This advisory has been brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc., your very own safe, secure blanket of protection from all dangerous things known and unknown. Purchase our products and pay for our security update subscriptions now, today!
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Reviews

Soda Shaq Review Part III – MAN DRINKS WHOLE CAN

INTERNET — Old Brutus from chronicle.su Lebal Drocer, Inc. Hate Radio® brings you the sharpest, most scathing review to date of the “vanilla cream” variant of Soda Shaq™. Old Brutus® describes Soda Shaq™ as “a nutritious, all natural health soda offered exclusively by white-owned 7-Eleven® stores.”

Old Brutus said he would like to remind his viewers that he is in no way affiliated with the Internet at large, and added that he thinks the Web is little more than an instrument of terror used by the United States™ Government to instill fear into the hearts of dissident authors.

“The Internet, and that whole thing, I don’t know, man,” Old Brutus® explained. “Once you really think about it, it’s all the same, real life and the Internet,  except in real life dissent has far fewer consequences.”

In his third and possibly final review of Soda Shaq, Old Brutus again invoked the spirit of – and infringed upon the copyright to – Joey’s World Tour™ to bring the sale home to the gang®.

This review is wholeheartedly endorsed by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.

Go out and getcha sum, gang.

Categories
Entertainment

Pope Francis to star in new A&E reality TV show "Pope Primacy"

Move over Duck Dynasty! And let Pope Primacy take over. In what is being called a “masterful PR campaign,” a new reality TV show, scheduled for MSNBC’s Fall lineup, will spread the message of Pope Francis and help Catholics cope with increased levels of cognitive dissonance beyond what religious people normally feel.

To anyone over 30, recent changes to the Vatican’s public image might be disorienting, even confusing, the Vatican said over Christmas — but Catholics worldwide can rest assured it has nothing at all to do with whitewashing a century of child rape or actually returning to the teachings of Communist Jesus and his crazy ideals (the church has sold him out more than enough).

“He’s a Jesuit,” bloggers say. “They do crazy things like publicly disavowing wealth.”

Catholicism enthusiasts have come forward with original, anonymous, leaked source material to suggest Pope Francis learned to embrace his growing public image.

The "Fresh Pope of Bel-Air" smokes a doobie with adoring fans.
The “Fresh Pope of Bel-Air” smokes a doobie with adoring fans.

“[The Pope]’s been working out, yeah. He’s changing his image. He not only started a beard [which photos indicate is in fact true], but — and I know you’re not gonna believe this — but, he went out and he got himself a tattoo.”

Written in Olde English calligraphy arching over a holy cross, the tattoo reads, “Thou Shalt Not.”

As excitement for the show “Pope Primacy” winds up, Pope Francis’ producers have begun pushing him to do “weirder and weirder stuff.”

Archbishop Chile Pedley said he is “frankly, very uncomfortable” with what the show creators want Francis to do, but said he’s satisfied with the results.

“They kept asking him to do weirder and weirder stuff,” Pedley said. “First they had him wash a prisoner’s feet, this young offender. I mean, that’s one thing. But recently for the show, they had him hug a severely disfigured man, and I just thought, ‘You guys have gone too far,’ but no — the people loved it. They fucking eat that shit up, apparently.”

Legendary Hollywood producer Phil Spector was overheard saying, “You’re gonna have to do some miracles, here, Francis,” while talking to Francis about the next round of eliminations. “Get on the healin’ train,” he said. “…could be Sainthood for ya, huge ratings… could be Redemption Island. We’ll see how people react to the fact you drive yourself to work.”

Leaked studio footage shows Archbishop Pedley again speaking directly into the camera, telling people he knows of “a guy with a garage full of stuff that the new Pope is gonna love.” Pedley said, “He’s got relics — idols from papal past.”[pullquote]Thou Shalt Not.[/pullquote]

Blogs and YouTube reviewers familiar with reality TV have already come forward to voice concerns they say are rooted in another oversized-cross-wearing icon. Xxfuckedup-247xX said “It’s only a matter of time before we start to recognize the Pope as an empty husk of his former self, who ambles around the house – rambling incoherently – but wisely.”