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Entertainment Society

American Pickers stars “come out of the closet”

#SupportPickers

HOLLYWOOD-Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz, stars of the History Channel’s American Pickers television show, have raised eyebrows in the past with their a-little-too-close relationship and outright disdain for stunning co-star Danielle Colby Cushman. On Monday, the pair “came out of the closet,” in the hopes that fans would understand their choice of sexuality.

Mostly, the Pickers have not been disappointed. Fans have started a campaign on Twitter under the hashtag #SupportPickers, and many members of the LBGQT activist movement have issued statements of support.

Of course they're gay.

Cushman, who is often taunted and belittled by the Pickers despite her staggering beauty and quick wit, said “I knew it all along, but never said anything because of their miserably fragile egos. I guess they’re stronger than I thought!”

Fritz, the submissive “bear” and megapowerbottom of the couple, has mostly “retreated into his oil can collection,” as rumors of a negative and unsupportive family have spread widely across the Internet. Wolfe, however, seems upbeat and optimistic, just like he always does on TV. Wolfe said, “We’re going to keep on picking, but if you hear a little more lisp when we’re trying to haggle with gays, you’ll know that we aren’t actually just pandering for better prices.”

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Entertainment Obituaries

Thomas Kinkade: Murdered by the Illuminati?

This is a surreal study of temporal space. The houses are rendered on a winter night, their windows glowing with a warm light while smoke billows from chimneys on snowy rooftops. Meanwhile, the outside world appears to be an evening in spring, as flowers bloom and the creek runs full. Also, people in this world are buried in their front yards.

Thomas Kinkade, famed “painter of light,” died on Friday under mysterious circumstances at the age of 54. Early reports from a police autopsy have told a bizarre story: Kinkade died from a polonium 210 poisoning, which is an extremely potent poison lethal in incredibly small doses.

Analysts suggest that only a very well-connected and powerful entity could possibly have access to such a rare poison, prompting a spat of wild speculation. This automatically narrows the field of suspects to governments and supergovernmental organizations such as the Illuminati. But why would the Illuminati have an interest in killing off Thomas Kinkade?

It’s a well-known fact that the vast majority of the Illuminati’s wealth is invested in timeless works of art, and a large proportion of their annual income is derived from copyright claims and the sale of art memorabilia such as posters. By providing such overly popular images, Kinkade actually undercut the Illuminati in the same way Michael Jackson did. Artistic success is a zero-sum game and the Illuminati is always undercut by emerging popular artists.

Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Kobain, Jim Morrison, and Amy Winehouse all died at the age of 27, but Kinkade’s age of death was exactly twice that at 54. Why does the Illuminati work only in intervals of 27? Expert numerologist Angstrom H. Troubadour explained the numeric aspect of this ritual is very important to the Illuminati, and said, “Artistic cleansing is especially significant to their theories about advancing society towards their mystical anti-Christian agenda.”

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Entertainment Hate Special Interest

Rick Astley battles accusations of child molestation

Rick Astley
The pop singer of internet stardom has been accused of molesting children.

Astley to give it up?

INTERNET – Rick Astley battles fresh accusations of child molestation, which surfaced Monday on YouTube.

Accusers arrived in full force, leaving graphic remarks surrounding the wretched details of his case.

News broke around 2 a.m. EST after events came to light. Stay tuned, and refresh: we will update this story as details come to light.