Europe is in the very last stages of commissioning the world’s most powerful weapon.  At it’s peak performance, the Large Hadron Collider will be capable of crushing the solar system into an infinitely small mass. Although billed publicly as a particle physics experiment, it is actually a doomsday device through which the scientists at CERN hope to bring about world peace.

Politicians and Corporations worldwide will be forced beneath the humiliating yoke of the scientists who they funded. Interestingly, this is almost the exact same plot of Isaac Asimov’s Foundation. However, our experts have informed us that in a sick plot twist, horrific echoes of Arthur C. Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey may actually doom humanity.

CERN has used their resources to build the most sophisticated computer network of all time. This network is capable of replicating every molecule in a human brain, at speeds thousands of times faster than reality.

With the world by the balls, development of an intelligence beyond human comprehension is a given. In fact, our insider spies at CERN have reassured us that a true artificial intelligence has already developed and has taken a large role in the leadership of the organization.

Obviously, this is all a Marxist conspiracy aimed at smearing global wealth to even the most undeserving starving children in the third world. Currently, the entire arsenal of strategic nuclear weapons are fixed on the LHC site, as if these puny human brains can derail this technological behemoth with such crude tools.