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Society

Julian Assange Takes Sides on #Gamergate Controversy

LONDON—Julian Assange expressed support for #Gamergate, Wednesday, during an interview with Vanity Fair at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. Assange is set to release a personal clothing line and spoke to Vanity Fair about his personal life, “I want to dispel the notion that I’m one-dimensional or machine-like. Others have painted false images of me for too long, and the public deserves something closer to reality. I’m into fashion, hiking, as well as video gaming. Believe me, I have a life outside of WikiLeaks.” Assange mused, “CounterStrike and Civilization 2 are games that only get better the more you play them. Some video games are timeless.”

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Assange opened up on his personal life to Vanity Fair and spoke in support of #Gamergate

The video gaming industry was recently rocked by the so-called #Gamergate controversy, in which documents were leaked outlining the systematic sexual exploitation of Zoe Quinn by powerful voices in the gaming industry, as well as her payment — lucrative exposure in many of the world’s biggest video game publications. Assange told Vanity Fair, “Gamergate is yet another kind of phenomenon where hackers and whistleblowers have leaked information and exposed evil. I don’t see what’s controversial about that. I support #Gamergate.”

Just a few weeks after its launch, advocates for Gamergate entered a level of group mania that was intolerable for typical browsers of 4chan. After being banned for harping on the same tired #Gamergate story for too long, #Gamergate fans created their own forum, 8chan, accusing 4chan’s creator, Moot, as well as other moderators, of sleeping with the enemy. They now fester away at endless threads about the same tired stuff and continuously send spam emails to members of the news media pleading their case, desperate to change their floundering image. Often employing hacking, doxing, and intimidation campaigns, Internet Sociologist Dr. Cecilia Darwin says, “The Gamergate movement is only one misogynist face of the Anonymous collective.”

Critics of Assange quickly tied his support for Gamergate in with his pending rape charges in Sweden, and anti-Wikileaks spokesperson Greg Mierolo told reporters, “Facing trial for rape is completely unacceptable for Assange’s image, and even the threat of the trial is a black mark. Like all heroes, too many look to the good deeds and not to the bad, but I cannot look past anything, no matter the cause. In trying to masquerade as an actual human, Assange has revealed his utter monstrosity, psychopathy, and misogyny. Is he a rapist? That’s up for the courts to decide.”

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Status Quo Technology

One World Trade Secretly a Space Ship

INTERNET—Sources say One World Trade is in fact a secret space ark built to shelter the super-rich through the oncoming mega-geodegradation from climate change and crust resettlement.

Rocketry expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters:

“This planet is fucked. Nothing we can do but quietly pack things up for orbit and send our boys off to as many suicidal wars as we can possibly afford. One World Trade might be ten thousand years in orbit, but it’s designed for that. Not everyone on the surface will die, and it will take hundreds of years for things to really get bad, but you can expect a thousand times more volcanic eruptions and earthquakes due to fracking, drilling, and mining, as well as totally destabilized climates on the local level, not just small global shifts up or down in temperature. Your temperate hometown may turn into a glacial valley, a tropical rainforest, or maybe even a desert overnight. And then change back again, in a week. The elites know there’s more happening than a slow, gentle change, and they’ve got the ultimate trump card. Tickets on One World Trade start at a billion dollars a piece.”

As citizens finally accept that Al-Qaeda and ISIS are puppets created by the US government to facilitate the secret spaceship building plan, perhaps a revolution will take to the streets and force the elites out of power.

One World Trade is the world’s biggest rocket and space station.

It may be too late though, as folks in Ferguson saw that even small local police forces have already heavily militarized themselves, and Fema is waiting to put on the mass funeral. At this point, one push of a button and the global elites can never be overthrown again. Even if we did overtake the militarized police with our strong support of the second amendment, they’d just launch themselves right off into space.

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Entertainment Society Technology

Amanda Bynes: A Transhuman Experiment Gone Awry

Did Amanda Bynes’ parents have the means motives and opportunity to plant a chip in her head, effectively making her a Transhuman?

INTERNET—Amanda Bynes’ latest tweets strongly suggests she must be among the first generation of cybernetic transhumans, or may even be the very first ever, if it is indeed true, as she claims, that a chip was surgically installed into her body. Human-brain interfaces, also known as HBIs, are a wide range of technologies which, since the early 80’s, have allowed people to interact with a computer on a neurological level. That is, HBIs allow anyone to use a computer without the mechanical click of a mouse or a keyboard.

Amanda Bynes’ father worked on a team that developed a version of HBI technology that wired computers directly into the brains of mice while her mother went to work as an assistant to a plastic surgeon specializing in breast implants. Some experts speculate that given the most cutting-edge technology available in the 80’s, the “brain chip” would be too large for a human skull and must have been installed elsewhere, most likely in the thigh or breast.

As always happens with new technologies, something has gone awry with Amanda Bynes’ implant. On Twitter, she teases her father and mother, alleging incest as a symbol for the monstrous overwhelming love that caused them to make her inhuman. No sane person would give her empathy for the true story, that she is a cybernetic transhuman, so she must remake her story out of another more believable cloth. As she admitted that the incest story was counterfeit, she announced her true belief that her father had both designed and installed the chip that modulated her brain.

Many have imagined that the extremely wealthy would sire the first generation of transhumans, but it seems some lucky portion of power fell into the hands of the new technology’s most adept practitioners. By amplifying the circuits in Amanda Byne’s brain that produce charisma, Bynes was made  into Nickelodeon’s biggest child star — ever. Science and the love of her parents was seemingly able to enhance her brain, giving her unnatural talents. Experts believe that chips from the 80’s would have, after several years, malfunctioned because of body heat. Some point to a rapid breast-size change or sudden hair loss and check videos and images of Bynes for signs of surgeries, but it is not clear whether she has had any subsequent surgeries to either repair or enhance her malfunctioning charisma unit. “Her incredible comeback,” said HBI researcher Dr. Troubador, “Seems to me to be the height of her charisma, a birth of a totally new species!”