Lol, jk.
Anyone catch Hannity last night? Sound off in the comments on what you thought about the Great American Panel…
Categories
ALASKA — Sunday, Edward Snowden was taken into custody by Anchorage Police, arriving in Alaska early in the morning in a black unmarked helicopter. Snowden says he is glad he can now face a fair prosecution, as he hopes his latest documents will vindicate everything.
Snowden spoke, passing out a fresh cache of the most secret White House documents to reporters, “These documents show the White House itself considers terrorism to be mere ‘smoke and mirrors’.”
Snowden looked directly into the cameras and spoke calmly, as police looked on too shocked to stop him from speaking, “America’s most deadly important security threat has been Methane deposits, known as clathrates, that are detonating in Siberia under mysterious conditions. The White House is afraid Vladimir Putin is working with a previously unknown intelligent species living beneath the earth’s crust called the Chelovozyom. In the most terrifying of scenarios, Vladimir Putin and the Chelovozyom are working together to deterraform North America, which will become nothing but deserts and ice within just one generation. There are massive chemtrailing defense programs carried out by the US military to attempt to counteract the effects of climate warfare, but each year of chemtrailing only cancels out the detonation of one methane calthrate, and hundreds of clathrates are detonating each month.
Climatologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters, “We don’t believe so-called incidental human activated climate change could ever cause the rapid shift in temperatures needed to detonate methane calthrates, and the only explanation possible is purposeful exploitation of these resources to terraform Siberia in a way that is most favorable for Russians and least favorable for North America. So science can back up those claims by Edward Snowden. It is true. North America will be glaciers and deserts very soon, and no amount of chemtrails can stop it now. As for the Chelovozyom, Edward Snowden and seemingly the White House have likely taken some very convincing bait, and I’ll believe it when the Chelovozyom appear on Oprah to greet humanity.”
An Internet psychologist came under fire Wednesday after a controversial news story went viral in which he was quoted saying the Germanwings atrocity was society’s fault.
The Germanwings disaster, Troubadour said, was attributed to co-pilot Andreas Lubitz’s internalization of society’s anal fixation on normalcy, a 21st Century social disease Troubadour calls “supernormality.”[pullquote]”Just look at his dead eyes,” Schandling said. “Look at his dude-stare.[/pullquote]
This, and certainly other normal social pressures in the workplace, triggered the supernormal state in which many school shootings and other murder-suicide plots unfold — a psychological terrain that most contemporary psychology cannot distinguish from so-called sanity until the violence is already done.
Angstrom H. Troubadour
Experts have alleged Dr. Troubadour, who is already currently embroiled in a damaging peer-review scandal, could be receiving funding from a secret homonormative source.
Sociologist Larry Schandling of the Internet Chronicle Institute of Common Law said documents show Troubadour received recurring payments between the months of October 2014 and March 2015, presumably to generate case studies which validate and propagate a fiendish homosexual agenda.
“Just look at his dead eyes,” Schandling said. “Look at his dude-stare. Look at it.”
Schandling said Troubadour needs to check his privilege, every single day.