Hackers have long held a place of fear in the minds of computer users everywhere. Movies have portrayed hackers as everything from sexually twisted introvert voyeurs to godlike masters of virtual reality. The rise of groups attempting to emulate the success of LulzSec has been intense and rapid, and it is a direct reaction to this distorted image.
Blah blah blah blah terrorism blah blah blah
To look at hackers like these and call them terrorists is beyond absurd. Accusations have been made that stolen information may put lives at risk. Bomb threats have been made under the alias of AntiSec. Critics complain that hackers are only quickening the pace of the inevitable internet clampdown that corporations have been lobbying for. It is these complaints that fuel the performance art of hacking.
Very serious and powerful people believe that cablegate has actually put lives at risk, despite the lack of a single shred of evidence. News companies have broadcast this contrived message to every home in America and it has become the effective truth. LulzSec forced these arguments to the most absurd level possible. The “chilling” hack on PBS proclaimed Tupac was still alive in New Zealand, propelling their Twitter account’s ascent. Terrorism? More like performance art.
In the aftermath of LulzSec, hackers have used the Fox News Twitter account to declare the death of Obama. SwagSec has defaced police web sites, leaving rap videos by Public Enemy and the kind of tongue-in-cheek death threats gangsta rappers love to make. Both the security of the internet and the general public fear for hackers are being mocked. The hackers are standing up to those who believe the internet is serious business. It’s more than just that, though. They’re standing up to everyone who would label civil disobedience as terrorism.
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla.–The United States of America celebrated her total commitment to all-out, Earth-only war Friday following the final launch of the NASA Space Shuttle.
The launch, regarded as “obligatory, ceremonial hoo-ha” by U.S. Army General and designate Director of the CIA General Patreus, went off without a hitch.
Over 1 million spectators uninterestedly watched the final launch of America’s space shuttle program.
“Finally, I can stop pretending to give a shit about space,” said Gunther Reed, 43, who witnessed the final lift-off a few hundred yards away. Reed rolled his eyes as he casually threw up his hands when his children screamed maniacally during lift-off.
Analysts predict Americans will soon be forced to disregard entirely new facets of reality, lest they appear over-informed, and thus, un-American.
“I think now that space is out of the picture, I can safely stop caring about more pressing matters such as global economics,” said Dean Shelton, 48, a plant worker in one of America’s last operating factories, located in Canton, N.C.
Thousands of workers will be laid off after the shuttle returns to earth, and will not return to work because an American space program is “just pointless,” as American President Barack Obama had this to say:
“What are we going to do in space, anyway? Discover new worlds – ancient planets with more fossil fuels and rare-earth minerals than we know what to do with? Possibly make contact with multi-celled organisms in nearby star-systems? This, I feel, is no longer America’s role. That’s China’s problem now. A new more glorious dawn awaits. Not a sunrise, like a nuclear blast, but a galaxy-rise. A morning filled with 400 billion guns – the rising of enlisted gays. Iran, we’re comin’ for you. We gon’ find you. We gon’ find you.”
As the President’s speech descended into an auto-tuned mockery of tree-hugging Nature lovers, astronomy enthusiasts and Iranian nationalists, he referenced YouTube cat videos he favorited in the past, as well as the Rebecca Black cover-up – and even prank-called Sabu, supposed leader of LulzSec, connecting him to a three-way conference call with incumbent Leader and Guide of the Revolution of Libya Muammar Gaddafi.
Obama reportedly facilitated the purchase of five Farmhouse Bread sandwiches from the mysterious hacker and arranged an exchange in the order of millions of bitcoins for rare access to Interpol’s collection of bomb recipes and child pornography to Gaddafi in a move political analysts described as “gut-wrenching, tactless and having absolutely nothing at all to do with the space launch.”
Gunther Reed, 43, waits impatiently for the final space shuttle to launch so he can get back to his buddy's place and smoke pot.
The Associated Press reported it will be at least three years – possibly five or more – before astronauts are launched again from U.S. soil. But only on the technicality that NASA’s funding is to be concentrated on turning people into projectile explosives which can be fired inconspicuously as fleshy missiles, undetectable by radar with the potential to inflict unprecedented destruction on important military targets in mainland China.
Former NASA Administrator Michael Griffin lamented the loss of America’s leadership in space. “For us to abandon that in favor of nothing is a mistake of strategic proportions,” he said.
But war is more important, which is why it has become USA’s number one export – because what impetus for space travel is there when we haven’t even poisoned Earth yet with global thermonuclear war?
“Space is for the elite,” said President Obama. “The American elite. And one fine day, we’ll take off again. The richest and the wealthiest people on Earth will someday board a glorious Generation Ship to Proxima Centauri, soon after we destroy this beautifully marbled rarity perched in the vast dark ocean of infinity. And we’ll leave your asses in the dust, conquering and destroying new worlds while you rot here, in this Hell we are creating for you each and every day, one war at a time.”
“I’m a little bit sad about it and a little bit wistful,” said Jennifer Cardwell, 38, who came with her husband, John, and two young sons from Fairhope, Ala. “I’ve grown up ignoring the space program, and now I have to find something new to stop giving a fuck about.”
The outlook is bleak, but with only war, low wages and receding global influence to think about, a random survey of Americans indicates citizens may feel obligated to double up on their reality TV shows and high fructose corn syrup products to remain as apathetic as they once were before the decline of NASA’s space shuttle program.
The next five years will see an influx of orange people with gelled hair and inferiority complexes, as well as phenomenons in the 24-hour news cycle in which viewership will become inversely proportional to the usefulness of CNN, Headline News and MSNBC.
reCAPTCHA is the octopus dick that has violated 4chan's bloody virgin pussy
Today it was revealed to 4chan users that their identities have been mapped and tracked by Google’s reCAPTCHA service since the beginning of time. Every user who posts gore or child porn is instantly put on a list that is then forwarded to the NSA. When raids are carried out spontaneously by 4chan, those who participate have their IP address forwarded to the FBI as persons of interest and potential terrorists.
We must warn all users of 4chan that anonymity on any web site using reCAPTCHA is only illusory and subject to Google’s ridiculous privacy policy.
We log information related to reCAPTCHA, such as the Internet Protocol address of the end-user, an identifier for the implementing site, the URL of the site accessed, the CAPTCHA solution, the result of the CAPTCHA grading, the date and time of requests, and one or more cookies that may uniquely identify the end-user browser. ~Google
Complicit attacks on anonymity by Google and the US government are nothing new. AnonNews has been the subject of reCAPTCHA rape, and not even Tor can save your asses. The Navy runs the vast majority of Tor nodes, and efficiently sifts through 99.99% of all Tor traffic for illegal activities which are then categorized in a database for future prosecution.
This was a real Captcha, sent in by a reader. The Completely Automated Public Turing Test To Tell Computers and Humans Apart has gained a consciousness of its own, and is warning us.
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla.–The United States of America celebrated her total commitment to all-out, Earth-only war Friday following the final launch of the NASA Space Shuttle.
