Terror and Trauma in DC

Social media lovers will love it!

Tourists can visit many solemn war memorials and presidential shrines, but barely removed from the Pennsylvania Avenue freakshow in front of Donald Trump’s White House, fans weave through glass-encased Black Rock City artifacts in the cramped Renwick and find themselves in a plywood Burning Man TempleThe curator’s sign informs them this exhibit is sacred and partially funded by Anonymous, the hacker collective.

A reveler’s phone is blasting the voice of Hunter S. Thompson, reading Revelations  “. . .and whosoever was not found written into the book of life was cast into the lake of fire…” the voice echoes from the many plywood surfaces.

Tourists from all nations write and paste small phrases onto the plywood, the glue fumes in the unventilated exhibit damaging their brains. The fumes are so strong the fear of a sudden ignition paralyzes me, my heart runs faster.

They’re taking pictures of all the messages, and a social media screen downstairs catalogues each photograph, analyzes the handrwriting, archives the message, identifies and resells this sacred personal prayer to someone much worse than Cambridge Analytica, more robotic and sinister than Mark Zuckerberg.

Just outside there are sharp cries of injustice, “We are petitioning Donald Trump to order an FBI investigation into the MURDER of PRINCE!” Ten purple umbrellas with Prince’s emblem shield the protesters from a sudden black squall descending onto the White House like the alien ship in Independence day. “Prince was murdered for music rights and corporate profits!”

Lieutenant Dangle has moved up in life. He is now working for the secret service, standing guard over the crowds of tourists milling in front of the White House for their photo opportunity. He has his hands rested tactically on the MP5 strapped to his belly, almost a match for an assault rifle maniac, but not quite.

The Capitol’s dome has a new paint job and glistens in the harsh sunlight after the rain with unnatural brightness. Protest kids are coming from that direction in the hundreds, all wearing bullseye hoodies and carrying anti-assault rifle signs. They’re making for the air and space museum, getting their more traditional field trip now that the protest’s over. Each student is greeted by two banned intermediate range ballistic missiles, a heartwarming  display, the soviet missile a token of a disarmament treaty with Russia.

A group of monks split up at the entrance, stomping through the museum in a harried research. The particular Buddhist order is searching for something very important that might undo the terror of this moment in history, that much is clear. I want to help them, but their method of exhausting all the items on display by splitting up is something I have no time for.

The root of it all was the Wright Brothers so I start there, but quickly my instinct is that their frivolous good time fun machine is not quite what we’re after. Somewhere in World War One there is a quotation from an atom bomb maker blaming his work on the sinister baby bombings committed over London by Zeppelins. This sinister editorial is a good clue in finding exactly what the monks are after when they compare notes in their hotel rooms.

The biggest monk is carefully taking stock of the surface of the moon. It is not a deity or anything at all but another world like ours, a dead and lifeless world. There is no suffering there, but it is not in a state of nirvana. This is a perfect riddle to bring about a state of holy insanity but he hurries on after only a moment. It is not the kind of idle theological pondering appropriate for this urgent juncture in history.

The V3 rocket is placed between the more cost-effective V2 and a tremendous cylindrical section of a Saturn V rocket, all three designed by the very same team of guilty holocaust scientists. Their sordid chapter in it all has been erased, as best as possible, by the US military, but a lost fragment out of Wehrner von Braun’s autobiography, which is now confirmed by many historians, expressed great regret for acquisitioning Jewish boys as ‘dummy weights’ in rocket trials.

This is when I notice what the monks must be missing, in their harried reading of placards. From every corner of the museum there is a low, but audible mantra. Elon Musk’s name is babbled at everything. In front of a model of Howard Hughes’ Spruce Goose, “He couldn’t make it fly, but Elon Musk could. He made an electric car fly past Mars.” At a group of drones, “Elon Musk will have these things delivering pizzas instead of bombs.”

Those monks were agitated for damn good reasons that I see very clearly now that this whole town is too much to handle. It would be easier to relax at a loud freakshow like Black Rock City, because at least I’d be able to score something to take the edge off of all these landmarks of cosmic cruelty. And christ! There are giant crows standing in the parks, pretending to be statues but actually genetically engineered by DARPA, picking over this god damned city’s human refuse, beastly manifestations of natural law by an elite that now controls nature.

Any stupid tourist can get a legal marijuana high in Washington DC, or at least something close to it at any CBD bar. And in a town like this any decent person needs something to take th eedge off. A sign at the CBD bar counter reads, “What is CBD? CBD are the non-THC components of hemp and have an effect stronger than tylenol.” It’d better be stronger than tylenol. But staring all day at the sunlight glinting off of the mirror-polished cast iron capitol dome has me wanting a tylenol anyway, so to hell with it. When in Rome eat gummies, right?

Jerry Garcia walks in, sits down next to me, and starts shouting. “Hey man, I told you to stop fuckin’ with me like that!”

No, not a schizophrenic acid case, oh no, he’s picked up a phone call and he’s got a slick headpiece. Small, like something for secret service muscle. Now he’s laughing, probably to some artificial intelligence buddy construct, it’ll drive him to grab a bargain sale assault rifle from Wal Mart and go spree killing once his phone addiction, CBD, and last-ditch benzos can’t cut it anymore.

His agitated barking is very quickly nullified by a good double shot of CBD in decaf. It’s working on me too, soon enough, and I’m grooving on the music instead of deciphering this man’s schizophrenic growls. Hell it’s my first legal high.

Dr. Troubador, marijuana expert, arrived with a shipment of CBD oil. “Only I can dispense the rest of the shit, the good part, of course by prescription only.” He scrawled a dick onto a napkin and crushed it into my hand. “You’re good? You’re good? I’ll tell you when you’re good.” He rips the remaining gummy from my hand and crushes it with his shoe like a lit cigarette. “Throw that shit out.

The mad marijuana scientist is stroking a vial of reddish purple essential oil, “You’ve never had a high like this, the terror components are through the roof. Ten trillion on the Troubador scale. We’ve engineered a strain of weed that’s extreme and overpowering in its paranoia, and then we extracted all the CBD out of it to heighten agitation and attentive faculties even further. This shit you’ve just eaten is our waste product. You gotta try the pure shit.”

The doctor whipped out a tremendous syringe, filled it with the oils, and injected it into my eye. For a short time, perhaps an hour, I was able to see radio frequencies as visible light. The ionosphere arced upward like a new sky and crackled in perpetual green lightning from AM talk radio transmitters. People’s phones blinked red and white into the distant horizon, amber flaring up in data transmission. The network of sparkling jewels overlaid my vision almost totally, fading just as the harmony and rhythm of it all formed some vague pattern. I think I saw Donald Trump Tweet something hot, amber waves all flowing outward from the single point in DC. The monks need to see this, I thought, this is what the military has been working up to all this time.

Undercover author finds Chronicle newsroom workers ‘peed in bottles’ under harsh deadlines and threats of violence

Comedy writers work long hours without bathroom breaks at chronicle.su

Rushed Chronicle staff reportedly pee into bottles as they’re afraid of ‘time-wasting’ because the toilets are far away and they fear getting into trouble for taking long breaks.

  • An undercover author told Vice that workers at a chronicle.su truth fulfillment center “peed in bottles” because they were scared the long trip to the outhouse would cause them to miss targets.
  • The author, James Galloway, found that staff members feared being disciplined for “missing deadlines.”
  • A separate survey of Internet Chronicle writers released Monday found that some workers who reported feeling sick – from prolonged polonium exposure – said they were penalized for taking breaks to throw up outdoors.
  • Internet Chronicle said it didn’t recognize the allegations as an accurate portrayal of its forced labor sweat house working conditions.

Chronicle founder R.T. Sakers may be the world’s most dangerous thrillionaire, with a net worth of about 150 billion bitcoins, but at least some of those working in his newsrooms are apparently so desperate to keep their jobs that they don’t even take time to use an outhouse, located a convenient 450 yards away, down a beaten path into the holler.

The author James Galloway went undercover at an Internet Chronicle sweat house in Cuthbert, Ga., for a book on stagnant wages in Lebal Drocer subsidiaries. He found that the sweat house’s main reporters, who toil over unlabeled mechanical keyboards typing truth for the idiot masses, had a “toilet bottle” system in place because the bathrooms were too sparse to get to quickly.

Internet Chronicle North American headquarters

“For those of us who worked on the top floor of Raleigh’s trailer bases, the closest toilets were down four flights of stairs,” Galloway told Vice. “People just peed in bottles because they lived in fear of being disciplined over missed deadlines and losing their jobs because they couldn’t use the bottle Chronicle gave them.”

The Internet Chronicle is known to track how fast its sweat house writers can pick and package the news from Twitter headlines, imposing strict deadlines and harsh punishments for mistakes, including cutting off the hands of one worker who dared to publish ‘mistruth’ under deadline.

A separate survey found almost three-quarters of all workers under the Lebal Drocer, Incorporated umbrella were afraid of venturing to company outhouses because of time concerns. A report released Monday with the survey’s findings said more than 400 staff reporters were urinating into Arizona tea cans, bottles, and Canadian offices were even using bags.

The survey anonymously quoted one person as saying deadlines had “tightened like a narrowed urethra” and “I no longer drink water because I do not have time to go to the outhouse.”

“You have to write two articles per hour. You do not have time to drink water because before you can even shake your winky, Raleigh’s right behind you, wanting to know when the Kardashians are going out for their Brazilians. And he’s yelling, ‘hurry, hurry, I don’t pay you to stand in here jerking off, if I wanted to see your dicks out, I’d shoot another Harambe.”

Chronicle disputed the allegations. The website said in a statement to Vice:

“Internet Chronicle provides a safe and positive workplace for thousands of dedicated workers across the planet. And apparently we provide this same workplace to freeloading deadbeat BUMS who think they’re too good to pee in a bottle. We have not been provided with confirmation that the people who completed the survey work for Chronicle, but we wouldn’t be surprised if we found out they did, because have you seen the shit Chronicle’s been publishing? I can assure you, nobody who peed in a bottle wrote ‘chronicle.su denounces Muammar Gaddafi.’

We have a focus on ensuring we provide an acceptable environment for all our wage slaves and last month Lebal Drocer was named by LinkedIn as the 78th most sought after place to work in the US and ranked FIRST PLACE in Sudan. Internet Chronicle also offers public tours of its slaughterhouse and info factory where readers can see first-hand where Real News comes from.”

CHRONICLE.SU said it didn’t have time for workers’ bullshit toilet breaks and set its performance targets based on whatever Buzzfeed is doing. The company said it provided coaching to help morons improve and exercised total authority over their lives as agreed upon in a 90-page treatise entitled “Terms & Conditions” that all writers must sign before receiving their first paychecks.

The company also said it provided on-site legal threats and offered physical repercussions to workers with more immediate needs on the newsroom floor, as well as financial and sexual guidance.

If you worked in a chronicle.su sweat house and would like to share your horror stories, email in confidence to [email protected].

Alex Jones Crybaby Tears disgust audience!

Fans agree: Alex Jones has gone down the wrong path in life

INTERNET — Psychiatrist to Alex Jones, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, announced that Alex Jones’ pot habit has turned the Alternative Talk Radio Host into what he described as an “emotional child.”

He used to be sharp eyed for all the inconsistencies in 9/11, but nowadays he has to kiss the Saudi’s feet and thank them for it.

“Everyone’s seen Alex Jones smoking weed on Joe Rogan, and behind that there is certainly a deeper, even hardcore addiction. The marijuana has him feeling so sympathetic to the Syrian Gasser. Well, whatever one believes, crying like that on air is a total buzzkill, man.”

Internet Chronicle infiltrators in the InfoWars staff say that Alex Jones is not being allowed to speak out about everything he knows, and might have been threatened recently by the Deep State, or even replaced with a simulation. “I don’t know why he’s crying like this, but it’s embarrassing everyone. It’s not him.”

“Something really is up with him,” said Prenter Huddleston, audio intern, “And it ain’t just the pot. It ain’t just the government taking his kids cause he’s doped up all the goddamn time. It’s the Russians and the Americans, working together to take over the world. He’s guilty for bringing about the New World Order. He knows that Syria is a fake war designed to drive ‘refugee’ immigration. He knows that ultimately these missile exercises are just so that American forces, combined with Russians, will achieve global nuclear superiority. And for the first time in his life, he can’t say the truth. All he can do is cry. It’s ruining Alex. He used to be sharp eyed for all the inconsistencies in 9/11, but nowadays he has to kiss the Saudi’s feet and thank them for it.”

Tactical Strategist Ian Krank confirmed the leaks, telling reporters, “My God, My God. We have the US engaging in offensive exercises, warning Russians ahead of time, and we are supposed to believe that this is all because of chemical weapons? That these weapons can have any kind of meaningful impact? If there were chemical weapons it was surely the Americans and the Russians working together to stage them, so they can keep testing. It has nothing to do with Syria at all. “

When did Julian Assange turn Wikileaks BAD?

Was Julian Assange protecting bastards while he was supposed to be crushing them? When it comes to “crushing bastards,” there are only certain bastards he’s willing to crush, according to internal sources.

The full discussion is here, in a brand new episode of Hate Radio, from chronicle.su, brought to you incredibly by Lebal Drocer Incorporated. In the episode, editors kilgoar and hatesec pinpoint the moment Assange took Wikileaks down its dark path.

“Basically it’s antijournalism, is what you could call it,” says kilgoar, a chronicle.su editor and leading Wikileaks expert.

Was Julian Assange protecting bastards when he was supposed to be crushing them? When it comes to crushing bastards, there are only certain bastards he's willing to crush
KILGOAR, OF CHRONICLE.SU, EXPLAINS WIKILEAKS FROM HIS FORTIFIED COMPOUND DEEP BENEATH THE EARTH.

After the recording of the latest Internet Chronicle bombshell podcast, Rustle League successfully DoS attacked Julian’s personal Twitter account, disabling it permanently.

“Julian Assange can maintain this claim that he’s totally impartial and he’s just publishing whatever he gets his hands on – and, on the other hand – all the promotion of it is done to put the magnifying glass on, say, Hillary Clinton, for example, or various government figures that are representatives of the neoliberal world order that Julian Assange wants to destroy.”

— kilgoar, moments after reading a DM sent by carrier pigeon from Julian Assange himself, who sadly believed he was talking to Sean Hannity

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, from the Lebal Drocer University Department of Mass Communications, said he noticed Julian’s mission and worldview appeared cleverly opportunistic, which proved exploitable for the benefit of the college professor’s own ambition to someday go in on a chain of Chic-Fil-As in beautiful downtown Aleppo. That’s when he and his team began their research in 2011.

“He’s a chameleon,” said Dr. Troubadour. “He fits in and blends in with the moment, and will take whoever he wants on his side. Wikileaks is really compelling to a lot of people, and it seems to have this power of truth behind it, that ‘this is the real deal. this isn’t some expert sitting in between me and my investigation. I get to do it myself. This is like Wikipedia.”

kilgoar said Assange claims not to have any part in the editorial process, urging the public to go to the leaks, read them, and make up their minds.

“Basically it’s antijournalism, is what you could call it,” kilgoar said. “It’s the opposite of journalism. It’s saying, ‘Everybody is now the investigator, and that’s why you have stuff like PizzaGate.”

Armed with his real M-16, a North Carolina man self-investigated #PizzaGate after the Fake News Media failed to do so.
Armed with his real M-16, a North Carolina man self-investigated #PizzaGate after the Fake News Media failed to do so.

They burnt bridges with publications like the Guardian beacuse they didn’t like what came out of the investigations.

There was a time when Wikileaks was dedicated to working with journalists. That’s probably when it was good. That was when they didn’t do these massive treasure troves of crap.

— Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, Lebal Drocer University

Kilgoar says Wikileaks is now doing just that.

“It’s the lazy way out. That’s the change they’ve had,” kilgoar said. “If the investigations revealed their leaks to be not sensational, they didn’t agree with the results of Wikileaks’ internal analysis.”

J-Watch

Keep them “honest” by reading this month’s Internet Chronicle Journalism Watch

Barrett Brown’s Pursuance Project is similar antijournalism, according to Dr. Troubadour, making note of Brown’s future prospects as a carnival spectacle and potential host of his own miniseries on Viceland.

Brown, lead Pursuant at Project Pursuance, is categorized under the Troubadour Scale of Culpability as being at “High Risk” of editorializing too strongly to be allowed to continue his work representing uppercase Anonymous. But he’s hot money right now, and Jimmy Kramer says “buy, buy, buy.” The Pursuance Project is projected to carve a path of destruction through institutions like The Guardian, Wikipedia and Internet Chronicle, in its pursuit of something.

Did the Deep State REPLACE Donald Trump with a computer simulation?

The Deep State’s done it again: Donald Trump Replaced by Simulation

INTERNET — Julian Assange passed on a few last words to Sarah Harrison, Thursday, before Ecuador blocked his internet connection and took away his right to visitors.

“Julian told me that Donald Trump’s been replaced with a computer simulation. He said I should be very sure to tell everyone that this is what he means when he warns us about Artificial Intelligence,” Teary-eyed Harrison shouted this to protesters stationed outside the Embassy, who amplified each syllable with the human microphone.

“Hillary Clinton’s State Department set the wheels moving on secretly deposing Trump ahead of time, even backing Trump, throwing what should have been an easy election.” The WikiLeaks supporters gasped, moaned, prominent supporter Suzi Dawson fell to her knees.

The human microphone lost all rhythm, confusing Harrison’s speech. “Wikileaks is preparing the release of the Deep State Files which will confirm that the Deep State has indeed assassinated or imprisoned Donald Trump, replacing him with computer simulations and lookalikes. The desired outcome of the Deep State is outrageous government debt, which is achieved through spending bigger than Hillary could have ever considered. The Donald Trump simulation is used to make everyone more poor, more enslaved to the Deep State than ever before in history.”

Chants of ‘Deep State Files’ rang clear, overwhelming Harrison’s story at several points, but a tense and uncomfortable silence prevailed as Harrison gestured decisively at the ground.

“Wikileaks has NEVER been proven wrong. We have PROOF the deep state has a fake Trump out there to push dangerous and unpopular actions in a democracy. The tariffs on industrial imports, new co-operative offensive actions to carve up the Middle East more quickly. Of course the Deep State is doing all this, and Trump might have been real, but now he’s just a Deep State Fake! Why it’s so easy with today’s computers that even a college student can make a Fake Trump. Still don’t think the Deep State can take over Donald Trump’s position? You’ll see the proof soon, on hashtag #DEEPSTATEFILES, so stay tuned folks! It’s gonna be a real barn burner like you haven’t seen in all of Wikileaks HISTORY! Finally we have a hold of the DEEP STATE FILES!”

The screams and shouts of nearly insane joy from supporters at this solemn moment broken in upon by total rapture was too terrible to put into words.

Hillary Clinton indicted over e-mail scandal

INTERNET – Former New York Senator and First Lady Hillary Clinton was indicted by a grand jury, Monday, for illegally using a private server to host her government e-mails. Clinton was detained and is being held on suicide watch at the military brig in Quantico as a terrorist and enemy of the state.

Forensic Analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador led a squad of commandos to exfiltrate Clinton’s e-mail servers from an undisclosed Deep State hiding spot after being tipped off by Julian Assange. With sophisticated airgapping hacks, specialist Jamie “Asshurt” McFegs was able to extract damning deleted evidence that Clinton conspired with Vladimir Putin in rigging the 2016 presidential election.

Dr. Troubador and his team fled beyond the reach of the Deep State to the safety of Moscow early Sunday morning with the help of Wikileaks and the Courage Foundation. Julian Assange told fans, “Dr. Troubador is the greatest hero of all time. Bigger than Snowden, bigger than Manning, bigger than me. He will be remembered for millennia as the man who single handedly and boldly changed history for the better.”

In the most striking leaked e-mail to Putin, Hillary wrote “We’ve got to cancel out those deplorable Republican votes any way we can! Hack the voting machines and cancel their fucking votes if you have to, get into their facebooks, twitter, youtube and BAN the fuckers, whatever it takes.”

Donald Trump tweeted that he would end all democratic elections in the US after Hillary was put to death for treason.  “Maybe I’ll be president for life, like Putin or Xi Jinping.” the president told reporters on the golf course at Mar-A-Lago. “But first, we’re going to set things right and LOCK HER UP AND GIVE HER THE CHAIR! We’ll ask questions later. There’s just no time for a trial with these terrorists.”

 

MAN WHO RELATES TO OTHERS IRONICALLY NOW STRUGGLES TO MAINTAIN SARCASTIC EMPATHY

A Las Vegas bartender was taken in for psychiatric evaluation after colleagues reached out to authorities, warning their friend’s behavior and personality had become unusually warm and relatable. Deputies agreed David Burkstrom was a threat to himself and a nearby mall where he was known to shop, and he was arrested Wednesday afternoon as he left home for work.

“I can’t talk so I guess I got nothin’ to say!”

“I stopped David as he was walking to his car” Sheriff’s Deputy Matthew Digsby said in a press conference. “I was with my partner. David raised his eyebrows. He smiled, showing us his teeth. That was when we saw life in his eyes, and that’s when I knew he was present and dangerous. We took him out.”

Authorities later admitted they had already begun tracking David when he stopped using his Kroger card and began paying for everything with cash.

In an exclusive interview with chronicle.su from his jail cell, David Burkstrum said it was getting too difficult to keep up “the whole sarcastic empathy schtick.”

I thought it would be funny if I identified with, and cared for, other people. I did it as a joke.

And it was hysterical. Months became years as brick-by-brick, David built around himself an igloo of cold irony.

Tender, loving communication washed over David’s lens to the world and blew away as though his very soul was coated in Rain-X. So did messages of hostility and outrage.

Though David could feel neither, he believed it would be funny to behave like these things got to him, because with David, that’s not what you expected.

“I’m just a husk of a man, now. I’m a hollow, bitter old log wearing the same painted on smile television whores use. I was doing a bit!”

-“David”

This article is Part 2 in a 2-part series called “Who or what am I?” written by hatesec and compiled by Dr. Angus “Mark Wright” Troubadauer.

Lebal Drocer, Inc.

"Face that mayonnaise."

INTERNET CHRONICLE proclaims VICTORY over ENTIRE state of Virginia

This is a reminder Internet Chronicle is the BEST and ONLY source of Real News Journalism this side of the Mississippi River, and especially in the Roanoke Valley.

What made CHRONICLE.SU the BEST and helps us continue to lead the Real News Industry?

Our reporters call to let us know if they’re going to be home after midnight.

They’re good boys, after all.

The Flintstones were so advanced, they figured out how to use dinosaurs as appliances.

As Alfonzo Hatesec once said, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! Which means DON’T rub your winky against the windows of sexy neighborhood ladies.”

That’s the only one time I ever got to see her face. You understand. When you’re looking at someone and you realize they don’t have any personality? They don’t have any soul? That is because they don’t have any flow or access to their ‘flow state.’ And neither do you! That’s because you never transcended!

-Raleigh T. Sakers, CEO of Lebal Drocer, Inc.

A human being is said to be in a flow state while creating music or technical works on an apparently autonomous beat rhythm in lock-step with their own creative background radiation. It is an experience of being a conduit between our thought realms and the senses.

Experience TERROR in a new and improved flow state!

At Internet Chronicle, drug use is punishable by mutilation or death, and employees (including marketing executives) are subject to cruelty. But that doesn’t mean YOU can’t benefit from such mind altering substances as TerrorMax, TerrorMax PM, and Extra Strength TerrorMax.

And for the next level consumer, there is no greater Terror available to mankind than TerrorPeudic for Adults.

COMING SOON: Lebal Drocer Permaflight to compete against Amazon Prime Terror Delivery Service
COMING SOON: Lebal Drocer Permaflight to compete against Amazon Prime Terror Delivery Service

In recognition of its greatness, Lebal Drocer, Inc. is pleased to present Internet Chronicle (CHRONICLE.SU) with an Internet Achievement Award. This award grants CHRONICLE.SU permission to impregnate and abort readers at will.

Media Mogul could not be reached for comment, but some asshole smoking a cigarette outside was available for comment. And this fucker had the nerve to  ask not to be named. It is with great pleasure we present to you, the idiot masses, the following:

In this CHRONICLE exclusive, Vice presents: Irony Boys: We talked to a Lebal Drocer executive, and this is what he said.

“When you agreed to sign into our website you entered into a Blood Contract, which entitles us to fertility rites in Raleigh’s honor.” Media Mogul, in a secret cabinet memo, leaked to Vice Media, Media Mogul Enterprises.

“I am the God Child.”

Media Mogul

Rupert Murdoch

Dr. Angstrom Asche Téreblange is the leading Lebal Drocer attorney assigned to defending river ruining toxic dumpages, and covering it up through money to the Roanoke Times. He is a devout Christian, and will soon be resigning to spend more time with his family.

Téreblange says in his dating profile bio:

“I am a terrorist at heart, freedom fighter by nature. You’ll soon regret crossing me!”

The Internet Chronicle has brought you MANY fine products, including Prescription Strength TerrorBloc, the ONLY terror supplement endorsed by a sitting Virginia state governor!

LEBAL DROCER

BY GOD YOU’LL LOVE OUR PRODUCTS.

“I swear to God.”

Raleigh T. Sakers, Chronicle founder, TerrorMax enthusiast, and Chief Enthologean of Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals

This message is brought to you PROUDLY by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Turning human beings BACK into PROPERTY since 1996!

“NOW THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.”

Kilgoar “Randy” of chronicle.su

Google HATES Internet Chronicle

The Internet Chronicle is ROUTINELY abused by the dominant search engine Google

Schmidtty baby, what's wrong?
Schmidtty baby, what’s wrong?

First, Google took away our ads. Google doesn’t tell anyone why they take away your ads. Google just takes.

Then Google sent us letters about their new algorithm blaming us for falling down their rankings. They would say shit like, ‘Our new algorithm sucks the dick of any site with large text for mobile, but actually since yours don’t have that, you guys can go fuck yourselves.’ So we adapted our site, and they told us to go fuck ourselves anyway.

And then they said broken links don’t do anything for them anymore, so whatever, I fixed all 1,100 broken links. Too little, too late: only useless infrastructural pages like ‘tags’ appear in chronicle.su related searches. Who gives a shit about tags? No one except Google, who either believe that is our site’s most relevant content every time, or just discovered a fresh way to tell us to go fuck ourselves.

You can’t find anything on Google about us. If you want to search this website, you have to pull up a chair like a big boy and sit down at your desktop computer. Then you may use the Fact Checker to the right hand side of the page to find content. This is our way of telling everyone else to go fuck themselves. Google. You. Everyone. There’s your search engine. It’s free to click in there and type.

Waddup with dat, right? Ordinarily, this would all seem pretty unfair. But we keep it even. I already told Google to go fuck themselves in 2012.

dr troubadourDr. Troubadaddy says:

“Google can eat a dick in 2018, too.”

Man endangers himself and society after contacting inner child

Bystanders say before turning the gun on himself, Tommy fired five shots into the air, screaming, “It’s gonna be a long night.”

Roanoke, Va. — Roanoke County Deputies say they beat a man back with sticks into a cage Wednesday, after he made first contact with the monster living inside him.

“He said he spoke to his inner child,” Sheriff’s Deputy Mark Rogers told Chronicle. “That’s when I was gave the order ‘shoot to kill.’ But I said to myself, ‘No, this man’s white. There’s got to be a better way.”

First responders said the man had a “glazed, wild look in his eyes” as he was preparing to kill himself near a group of girl scouts selling cookies at the Brambleton Avenue Kroger.

“He seen who he really was,” said Dr. Armasten Troubadour, of Health Insurance Memorial Hospital. “And he just seen red.”

Authorities say Tommy Jo, a 38-year-old security camera repairman, scribbled this suicide note moments before turning the gun on himself:

You’re gonna suffer.

You’re gonna bleed.

I’m gonna scream.

I’m gonna feed.

 

Don’t call the doctor.

Don’t call no priest.

I’m the devil.

I’m disease.

Friends describe Tommy as unhinged. Some friends, eh Tommy?

Tommy is being held without bond at the Roanoke County Courthouse, where he is getting a good night’s rest, and learning to love himself again.