Experts: All social media now ‘just circles’

google-plus-circles-in-facebookINTERNET – Social media platforms, apparently fascinated by the roundness of circles, are literally just circles now.

With a twinkle in his eye, chronicle.su media historian Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour recalls them good old days.

“Like the old TVs, remember how crappy they were? They weren’t squares. They didn’t have corners,” he said. “But now, social media, which started as squares, are just circles again. But TV back then sucked. It was just horses and cowboys and shit, because it was on crappy technology. TV was so bad back then, they didn’t even record it. Just aired it live and said, ‘Ah, forget about it.’ And now that’s what social media is.”

It’s the ultimate hipster black hole, Troubadour says.

“Hey, stuff that sucks is good now, and so we’re going full circle. Social media sucks again!”

When social media was composed of rectangles and squares, you could literally pull pussy out of your computer screen, according to Anonymous. Now, with these circles, it’s all you can do to even get a girl to notice you, users report.

“What’s that? Sorry, I couldn’t tell you had any personality, edginess or discernible features at all, because I can only see everything through a fucking circle now.”

-Circle Plus user

It wasn’t until like, 1999 we finally got a perfectly square television screen, and all of a sudden these millennials are scrambling for circles again. People fought wars and died for the square, people spent their life’s work developing perfectly flat, square television pictures and computer monitors, and now you want to go BACK to the circle?

Come on, let’s be reasonable.

This clever story is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

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Lebal Drocer cuts funding to Charlie Hebdo

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Hillary Clinton unveils predatory abortion drone program that ‘feeds her a mist of unborn fetal tissue’

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Event Horizon: Hillary Clinton’s ‘blood circle’ of trust

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Step aside boys, because #ItsHerTurn! Clinton is going GIRL this week with a fresh new look and ALL-NEW attitude!

She’s mighty sick of them lies The Bern’s been a-spreadin’ and Hill is “going ham,” according to one anonymous source . . .

Man struggles to answer ‘whose baby?’

CONGRATULATIONS YOU WON

Jim Callahan could not answer the rhetorical question.

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INTERNET CHRONICLE ‘SLAMMIN SPIKES’ AFTER EPIC DEATH HOAX

spookAD

INTERNET – Lebal Drocer, Inc. is proud to announce a new milestone in clickbait perfection: Last week’s death hoax, Rob Ford Dead At 46, netted a record 4 million pageviews overnight as the world flocked to confirm the truth about former Toronto mayor Rob Ford.

“We were slammin spikes . . .

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford ‘alive and well’ at 46

Bernie Sanders

TORONTO – The infamous former mayor of Toronto, accused of stealing public money to fuel his own crack cocaine addiction, was pronounced ‘alive and healthy’ Sunday by Jeremy Lions, the Ford family doctor, who added, “But I don’t see what the big deal is. Why, did something happen?”

Mayor Rob Ford alive . . .

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Lebal Drocer, Inc. Zombie Apocalypse Edition

hatesec is a cat on the internet

The Internet Chronicle has combined forces with Hate Security by Hatesec Enterprises, a Lebal Drocer affiliate.

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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford dead at 46

Mayor Rob Ford dead at 46

Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford died at age 46.

TORONTO – Rob Ford, the former Toronto mayor, died over the weekend after a long battle with “just having an awesome, good time.”

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MANIFESTO FOR MILLENNIALS

The Internet kills thousands of people each year, including CHILDREN.

OH BLEAK, RAINBOW-TINTED POST-APOCALYPTIC IMAGE-DRENCHED MILLENNIALS OF THE WORLD WIDE INTERWEB Whether ye brand be Bro, Redneck, Hip Hopper, Pill Popper, Punk, Nerd, Hippie, Goth, Fur, Gamer

You are WORTHLESS, and your tuna munching at that important meeting is a disaster for everyone around you!

You’re probably sitting there underemployed, overworked, without benefits, crushed by . . .

55% of Bernie voters to shift to Trump if Hillary wins

Bernie supporters pledge to switch over to Trump if Hillary wins

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INTERNET — Despite lies peddled by the Hillary-controlled media, Bernie Sanders still has a very likely chance of winning the primary despite facing nearly impossible odds. However, a recent poll by Quinnipiac showed that 55% of Bernie voters would shift their votes to . . .