The importance of satire for a free society, by Barrett Brown

Anonymous leader Barrett Brown is serving two years in prison for revealing America's possession of a Weapon of Mass Manipulation (WMM) propaganda "atom bomb" known as Metal Gear

Anonymous leader Barrett Brown is serving five years in prison for revealing America’s possession of a Weapon of Mass Manipulation (WMM) propaganda “atom bomb” known as Metal Gear

THE SLAMMER — Back in middle school, when I’d won the Ayn Rand essay contest and founded the objectivism club, I knew that I was going to be a famous writer one day. Everyone told me so. Even at that early age, I was a victim of a crazed government. The FBI stole millions of dollars from my family because of my father’s alleged illegal business activities. I was taught to hate and fear the FBI from an early age, but I fell into their devious trap and even promoted their work for nearly a year without realizing it. I led others into this same trap, but the guilt and shame are in the past, like my love for Ayn Rand. As such, now I’m famous and even a saint to the fools who bite at the deceptive propaganda put out by my cronies, and it only cost me $800,000 and a half decade of diesel therapy. Diesel Therapy is a form of torture where I get to tour several different prisons and never get to settle in. I’ve already been moved twice, a terror and torture so extreme only the maniacs at the FBI could think of it.

Of course I’m no longer an Objectivist, as I know that Ayn Rand is considered embarrassing among my contemporary revolutionaries. In recent years, I’ve rebranded myself as an Anarchist, and I do ultimately want to see an end to all nation states and religions. Because of nation states, and especially the FBI, satirists like me are no longer able to recruit new members of Anonymous or rise to a position of leadership at all. Journalists across the nation are now terrified and their voices are chilled, as they well should be. As such, the right to be a spokesperson for a revolutionary force that does not recognize the authority of government and fights its battles with doxing, carding, DDoSing, and so on is now in jeopardy, because the basic human right to quote and make menacing death threats or link to stolen credit card information is no longer protected speech, unless of course you are a pussy FBI agent or informant.

But all that threatening stuff I said was all just satire anyway, although I apologize for it and really it was the withdrawal from opiates to blame. I became famous for writing hilarious press releases for Anonymous that were interlaced with jokes and hoaxes, but I had no real power or importance at all. I don’t really buy into that stuff, it’s just an inside joke. Anonymous is all a prank. You may notice that my style of joking is so subtle and dry that it seems as if I really believe Anonymous might inevitably overthrow the government in five to ten years and that I want to be in charge! Hahahahahaha fooled you! I never really mean anything I say when it could be construed by humorless FBI agents as something illegal. I would never break the law or even advocate for breaking the law, because I fundamentally love the USA and especially respect its powerful military.

I affirmed the government’s authority at my sentencing hearing and told them that I simply wish they were following the law better and always got the facts about me just right. I hate it when people get the facts about me wrong, especially when they are making satire, working for the FBI, or doing fake anthropology with a personal vendetta to slander me. As I once explained satire to a bad satirist at chronicle.su, you have to really understand someone and always get the facts straight. Never just make stuff up and misrepresent someone because that is not satire or anthropology. It’s not even funny or true, because to poke fun at the revolution is to undermine its potential power and delay the inevitable end to nation states. When I’m out of prison and immediately back in power over Anonymous, I’m going to look into your fucking kids and bring back the real America, drive it through a carwash of FBI agents’ blood, and then maybe there will be some freedom to write satire and coordinate doxing and cardings of anyone I fucking want. Je Suis Charlie!

Barrett Brown is going through a hard time as the government continues its endless campaign of torturous and disorienting Diesel Therapy. Send him boring and unfunny books written by pundits — no satire please, he is not interested in reading trivial and untrue books written by the insane.

‘Illegal’ Cuban intranet sponsored by US backers

Cuba's defunct Presidio Modelo, the only true "panoptic" prison facility true to the vision of utilitarianism founder Jeremy Bentham

A Cuban defector shows off his illegal network setup. He was never seen again.

Havana – As the decadent West declares Internet access a ‘human right,’ our Cuban allies have not fallen prey to such hubris. Castro has stood ever firmly against Capitalist frivolities such as ‘connectivity’ and ‘liberalization,’ preserving the untamed power . . .

Michael Moore enlists in US Army as apology for American Sniper comments

Experts predict Moore could turn on his drill instructor in a Full Metal Jacket spectrum emotional breakdown, ending in a murder-suicide that will color the remaining plot of his 2015 buddy comedy.

Flint, Mich. – After calling American Sniper hero Chris Kyle a “coward,” and “a camping faggot,” US filmmaker Michael Moore issued . . .

Black feminist twitter: #gamergate is “clueless”

Black woman’s attitude talks down on #gamergate as a waste of activism.

THE TWITTERVERSE — What the fuck is with these white bitches at war with video games? YEA WE KNOW YOU WHITE BITCHES WANNA JOIN THE WHITE BOY CLUB ALREADY. There are millions of pervert creeps out there, how sheltered are you . . .

Mitt Romney cancels presidential bid to pursue dream of underage polygamy: GOV’T OFFICIAL SPEAKS OUT!

Wow

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump says “No way” Bush or Romney could win in 2016. Hillary Clinton says she’s already purchased the job. But none of that matters to would-be presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who has informally announced to his staff he will step down from the 2016 presidential candidacy, one of his . . .

My Barret Brown Opinion Piece, By Jaime Cochran

 

 

 

hatesec you’ve got some trollsplaining to do

The True Facts about Barrett Brown’s Sentencing

Barrett Brown was sentenced to five years in prison

OBJECTIVE JOURNALISM — WikiLeaks spokesperson Julian Assange praised Barrett Brown’s unique Hunter S Thompson Style, while others referred to Brown as a gonzo journalist or satirist, an impression of his work that is as popular as it is uninformed. This is probably a symptom . . .

Barrett Brown sentenced to 5 years in prison ‘just for sharing a link’

lol-barrett

Except he wasn’t.

The unofficial, self-proclaimed “leader of Anonymous” Barrett Brown was sentenced to 63 months in federal prison Wednesday. He faced more than a century in prison for a masochistic fistful charges, which included linking to leaked Stratfor documents that revealed a connection between the government and social network surveillance. But they dropped that . . .

Molly Crabapple dead at 31

Molly Crabapple died in her apartment late Sunday night, apparently from extreme exhaustion

NEW YORK – Fans mourn the loss of artist Molly Crabapple, born Jennifer Caban, who was found dead in her Wall Street apartment Monday morning next to an emptied bottle of Balvenie whisky. Over the past year, Crabapple increasingly tweeted . . .

Roanoke Police Slaughter 5 Men Because Wives Were Not Wearing ‘Proper’ Islamic Headgarb

The Police State in Roanoke, Va. publicly executed five men in front of the Roanoke Star Tuesday because their wives were not wearing appropriate Islamic head covering, according to American media sources.

The jihadi group’s Roanoke Police Department, or the Hisbah, the individuals entrusted with enforcing their version of American Hate Law are ordering women . . .