Christopher Numb Milka’s new book is about advancement of person, place, and time.
It resembles his previous works in every way, except this one is called Advancement Opportunities and You: Christopher Nemelka’s guide to enlightenment through entheogens, having sex with Chris, and doing heroin, probably also with Chris.
He is married to the Oxford comma, even in titles. But what is Christopher NOT married to? A wife!
Now that’s advanced.
This has been a test. If you are reading this message, all systems are nominal.
INTERNET — Hillary Clinton’s famous bodyguard and Q-Clearance Intelligence Agent “Q Anon”, known for leaking secret information, or “crumbs,” to an audience of millions of devotees, died Friday following a fatal priapism in Washington DC.
‘Q’, as his fans know him, suddenly lost consciousness when his penis ruptured from a prolonged erection while standing guard at one of Hillary’s famous “Pizza Parties” for Democrat elites.
Bill Clinton, who first found ‘Q’ passed out on the floor in a puddle of blood, said, “I saw him a layin’ there bleeding out of his crotch, so I ripped his pants off. It looked like Elmer Fudd’s Shotgun, after Bugs Bunny stuck his finger in it. His member banana peeled and the blood was just rolling out. That’s when I called the paramedics in.”
Hillary expressed her condolences, but registered shock upon learning one of her bodyguards was indeed the man behind the mysterious Q Anon phenomenon, telling reporters, “It’s kind of sad how Q never ate any pizza. All he did was hang around the edge of the party, messing around on his phone, sniffing the pizza crumbs.”
Bill told reporters about his attempts to resuscitate Q, “They said he might’ve split his cock on his own, ahead of time, as some kind of masochist type sex play, or possibly he was injecting silicone to keep it artificially erect. They did their best but it was just too swollen up. Burst open and mushed like an overripe tomato. Nothin’ they could do to seal it up.”
The bitter funk of QAnon’s failure to challenge mainstream media or affect positive change of any kind, before his death, is palpable.
Fans, expected to mourn the loss of their prophet, were “not happy.”
Darcy Klebold of Indiana, 56, told reporters, “We were promised Mueller would lock Hillary up. We were told there would be releases, and leaks, and documents dropping like anvils. We were promised our own, pure pizza party, one that protects our children and isn’t smeared with their adrenichrone.”
Darcy barked angrily at reporters. “Fake News!” and produced a tissue to wipe her terrified child’s tearful eyes, while photographing him with her smartphone.
Like and subscribe for more information on how Qanon’s death erased happiness from my life.
–Darcy Klebold, single mom
“Do you see what you fake news bandits have done to me and my family?” Darcy asked. “No seriously. Have you seen it? My social media’s BIG. I’m gonna #MAGA even if Q’s another fake news trick. Now #WalkAway from my broken family! And check out my little angel on Pinterest.”
“Soros is killin everyone, one by one, and he’s undoing all of Q’s big plans. My little boy’s going to grow up to be a GOOD BOY. You’ll see. I’ve taught him how to SHOOT. He’s gonna get that George Soros one day, mark my words. And ain’t NO elites gonna eat his pineal gland out of his head at none of their Satanic Pizza Parties.”
Darcy, throwing her child to the floor, produced a double barrel shotgun and demanded Internet Chronicle reporters leave the premises of her home.
“Soros is killing everyone, and he won’t take my BABY!” Darcy fired two shots into her ceiling. Indiana Regional Medical Center reported young Jerry Klebold was treated for ruptured eardrums the following day.
Q’s death has sent ripples of hatred and fear through the shattered conspiracy community, Lionel Nation told his viewers, “Our cogitations and rogations are with the friends and forebears of QAnonymous. Today the storm has settled.”
Political discussions, which have Very Important Consequences, must be taken as matters of life or death, friend or foe, Do or Die. YOU THINK THIS A FUCKIN’ GAME SON!?
Be sure to personally identify yourself by a cause (any cause will do!), so that high-minded, abstract, sensitive disagreements are interpreted as an affront to the very essence of your wretched being. As always, be sure to LASH OUT at the first signs of divergence, so as to Win the Aggression first. This is how like, our fucking ancestors did it, man. Tribal hate is tested and approved through the generations, and it WILL work for YOU!
[Editor’s Note – BUSTIN’ Live Ones Edition: THIS JUST IN–SENSITIVE NEWS FOLLOWING–CALL FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE]
Sperg Army rushes to Putin’s defense
Droves of proudbois crested the Mongolian hills Saturday, and charged a camp rumored to be operated by Russian rebels.
Word on the street is them boys is 10 days into a no-fapper, and are about ready to bust wide open with Daddy’s Cummies.
Their proud seed may only be spilled on the crescent moon, after Gavin McInnes returns to Joe Rogan, where he is expected to give them boys the A-OK.
Lenny tightens the chinstrap on his red special needs helmet, preparing to raid a Mongoloid village.
“This is what we prepared for,” he said. He then turned and ran in the direction of human microphones, heard in the distance.
The unprovoked attack appeared as part of routine bullshit called Microsoft feature roll-up, a process during which Windows 10 users’ machines do hidden things with implied consent, “like magic.”
In the latest update, a pop-up briefly explains that it has been a while since you paid Microsoft for something, so the Fall Creators’ Update is offering users a choice between premium digital licenses to kiss Bill Gates’ fuzzy, wrinkled ass, or else go fuck yourselves and downgrade to Home Edition for free.
A sleek, modern update portal now lets users subscribe to a random kick in the dick by simply doing nothing. Uncheck a box, or agree to recurring charges, because you deserve it. The first update’s on the house!
Have your credit cards ready, because these Microsoft Windows 10 updates don’t fuck around.
Personality disorders are a significant, and highly sought after, social distinction in American society. But so-called “experts” warn increases in mood disorders pose a threat to public health in the United States, and probably elsewhere – surely there are other places – but who fucking cares about them?
Mental illness is cool
Romanticizing school shooters is not only fun, it’s profitable, too!
While the over-pussification of American society has pushed down crime rates overall, mass murder and public shootings have dramatically increased.
Raleigh T. Sakers instituted a rule to be followed by all news desks, from CNN to the Internet Chronicle, that in the event of a mass shooting, each publication is then expected to dig deep into the sordid, abuse-enhanced backstories of such losers as those douchebags from Columbine, or that incel from 4chan, or Barron Trump.
Then we publish it: chronicle.su style
Not enough people know how sexy it is to shoot up a school, according to Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, Chief Researcher at the Lebal Drocer Institute of Brooding Evil.
This has not stopped anyone from turning into a sociopath, Troubadour said, adding that there is “no hope” for the future.
“I’m OCD,” Troubadour mocked. “I’m bipolar. I’m depressed. Oh, I was molested by a babysitter.”
Everyone’s depressed, at least in America, Troubadour said. As long as you aren’t actually depressed, it’s cool as shit to be depressed!
Leading experts from the Boulder, Colorado University of Like Whatever Man say school shooters reflect Millennials’ rejections of societal norms. University fellow Susan Crabtree blames the increase in sociopathic disorders on growing pressures from modern economic mainstays.
“When you live in a capitalist society such as this, it’s just gonna fuck you over in the end,” Crabtree said. “There’s people out there today still working in the same conditions that once made Upton Sinclair’s dick hard. Have you seen what customer service does to people?”
Children are sooo fucking special
We reached out to today’s youth and asked them what’s the big deal with you little idiots? Like why are you all acting like you have depression when you’re actually just useless, boring, uninteresting underachievers, like your friends?
Dr. Troubadour said that in his 30-odd years of conflict resolution, he believes narcissists and sociopaths are an increasing public annoyance, but hardly a health hazard.
If instances of personality disorders continue to arise, he admits, it could be time to institute a mandatory mental health purge, and begin eradicating bloodlines that can’t suppress the urge to appear brooding, moody or introverted.
Sakers looks to another approach:
“We have enough music. We have enough tortured artists. We already got enough fuckin’ poetry. Write some god damn fucking comedy or get the fuck out of my timeline. You’re not made for this business. You’re weak! YOU NEVER TRANSCENDED! Now go back in there and suck your momma’s titty til you’re finished cooking because I don’t need to get shot up while I’m at the god damn opera.”
INTERNET — Theoretical Physicist Dr. Michio Kaku told reporters Sunday that he thinks an advanced alien species may have infiltrated the earth’s internet to sow discord and soften up humanity for a potential invasion.
Dr. Kaku, speaking at an event held by former Blink 182 musician Tom Delonge told reporters, “The only truly credible reports of UFOs have followed a very troubling pattern. Always they are tracking our fighter jets or interfering with nuclear weapons systems — and these stories show a coherent and disturbing pattern that is very consistent from person to person and from nation to nation.”
Tom Delonge slouched and his eyes teared up as he gripped his mic, trying to settle the conference room. “We’ll take your questions later. And no, this isn’t a joke — not a prank.”
Dr. Kaku continued, “Thank you Tom. Imagine, for a moment, if a group of chimpanzees suddenly learned to make stone-tipped spears or started crafting bows and arrows. This might not be a major threat to our civilization, but it certainly would draw our attention, especially the attention of people who live nearby. Even worse, imagine if they discovered fire.”
Delonge waved his hand dismissively at the cries from the conference room, “In the end, I know we’d kill them. Chimps setting fires all over the place would just be too dangerous. Whatever scientists think, the people living in the area would not be very tolerant for very long, and look: We’re the chimps with nukes — it’s a situation that no advanced species in our vicinity can tolerate.”
Judging by the strange, scripted, and fictional feel of events lately I’d say that our goose is likely already cooked.
Dr. Kaku looked stern and spoke with incredible clarity, “When humanity deployed its first nuclear weapons, this must have instantly drawn the attention of anyone in our galactic neighborhood. The gamma burst would create an unmistakable signature that would be easily detected at a great distance. These accounts of nuclear weapons being disabled by strange lights in the sky are credible evidence of an advanced species displaying total military superiority. The strange craft that zip around fighter jets, changing direction and accelerating at unbelievable speed, even apparently surviving blasts from machine guns, this is the aliens making their presence known, as I predicted earlier this year.”
Tom Delonge, ashen and emotionless, announced, “Our cyberspace is totally defenseless against such an advanced threat. There is no encryption that can keep them out, no fake news filters that can stop their influence, and no sense in resisting. It’s already too late. Look around you. Everyone is at everyone else’s throats and we’re on the brink of a third world war. How can we resist psyops from such an advanced threat?”
Dr. Kaku shook his head, “It doesn’t look good. But I have been looking long and hard at the encounter between Europeans and the civilizations in the Americas. In that case, there wasn’t a very large technological gap, at least compared with what we’re facing now. But on the optimistic side, the technological advantage, in itself, wasn’t the determining factor. Rather, the Spanish were able to play groups against each other and take advantage of a civilization that was in disarray, turning factions against one another. It was just so expensive and time consuming to move resources and men across the ocean, and a major invasion was just not possible. But by turning factions against each other, a very small group of about five hundred men were able to take over a civilization of millions. I believe any spacefaring conquerors will almost surely follow this pattern. So it is a major challenge for humanity to suddenly transform itself into a Level I civilization, to settle our differences peacefully. Judging by the strange, scripted, and fictional feel of events lately I’d say that our goose is likely already cooked. But if we wise up suddenly, there is a very good chance we can resist them. They may be very advanced, but we have the home field advantage. We don’t need to move our weaponry across interstellar space.”
“There are so many other scenarios we’ve worked out with the Pentagon,” Delonge said. “For instance, there are, likely as not, several competitors for power over Earth, each of them using one nation or another as a proxy. Think of it, if an alien species asked to ally with your nation and said it could disable the nukes of a much bigger country that was threatening you, putting sanctions on you, and making your life miserable, you’d probably make that deal. It’s obvious. And this is why a lot of people at the Pentagon don’t want to talk about it. They don’t want to be seen as puppets of a more advanced species.”
Sup dudes! After this year’s underwhelming 9/11 memorial (Presidents crying in a field), the kind men in charge of Internet Chronicle asked me to write this short, easy-to-understand 9/11 remembrance for dummies. Spice up your next 9/11 with a television-based diamond-encrusted, double platinum freakout, using my simple tips. Forged in a furnace of Internet Memes, the next 9/11 memorial will be even more Never Forgetty than the last.
[Editor’s Note – shop talk edition: The entertainment braintrust at Lebal Drocer reflected and realized: We simply don’t take enough time here at the Chronicle to remember 9/11, which makes us hypocrites after swearing we’d Never Forget. This is strictly unforgivable.]
Today we are Anonymous: We do not forget. We do not forgive.
9/11 — Never Forgive
In the course of remembrance, you might experience mystic events. This feeling of intense nationalism produces a sudden euphoria. This is not normal. This means you are a chosen patriot made up of pure, impulses. Take the world from darkness into light with Dr. Troubadour’s tips for a healthy 9/11 memorial.
walking through body scanners doses you with gene altering radiation and fights terror! Freedom isn’t free. We once nuked the land of our enemies. Now we irradiate our own people with machines.
Dr. T says
If you want to wage a war on terror, you’ll have to fight a few battles with cancer.
Act like you don’t know what 9/11 is. This will endear you to your fellow citizens. Ask sincerely what 9/11 means. You’ve never heard of it.
Never forget. If you’re a real patriot, like us here at Chronicle, 9/11 is every day. September 11th is every fucking day. I wake up and say a prayer to the victims. And there’s certain stuff I won’t laugh at before 10 a.m. Just because today isn’t 9/11 – it’s not even September – doesn’t mean our hearts don’t go out to the victims of that terrible tragedy. It would be absurd to think otherwise.
Just the thought of it sends me into frenzies wherein I foam at the mouth and curse whatever God cast the dice of our very existence. Maybe I’m taking it too far. That’s just what 9/11 means to me.
This article is part 1 in an October series entitled Why Now? An Internet Chronicle introspective series in which we undermine and discredit sacred things for no purpose at all. Just shitting on you and stuff.
INTERNET — Seventeen hurricanes are loading up with hate over Africa, tearing a swath of destruction towards the Atlantic and the east coast of America. Grocery stores are manic with energy as Florence bears down but shelves are empty and customers are suffering from a mass outbreak of psychotic episodes.
“Why don’t they nuke the goddamn hurricane?” A man in a loud Hawaiian shirt shouted at a pile of emergency rations. “And why is this goddamn cart’s wheel stuck! God Dammit!” He threw the cart on the ground and told the nearby manager, “Look at this piece of shit store you’re running here. Goddamn cart wheel’s broken.”
Store manager Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador shook his head and said,”Tier One Civilization. It’s the Kardashev scale. We’re at tier zero because we have not tamed the earth’s energies. Well, actually we have, but our pyromaniac engineers have designed a string of seventeen hurricanes that power a spying ‘social media’ bought and paid for by a nascent neofascist political world order.”
“Fuck you! Fuck the store! Fuck everyone!” the man roared, crunching packets of ramen into his pockets and hurling a beer bottle at the concrete floor.
Dr. Troubador looked wistfully at the tall cumulus clouds through the vast windows above the Customer Service department and its dense assortment of tobacco products. “Yes we all know the carbon dioxide is to blame. But has anyone ever considered the effects of turbines, pistons, propellers, and all the billions of little devices spinning off into the air? It seems almost as if these gizmos are designed to stir up hurricanes, if you think about it for long enough.”
The angry man began to pick up the glass. “I’m very sorry about this mess.”
“Say nothing of it!” Dr. Troubador waved his hand and several red-vested customer service experts swept and mopped the mess and uprighted the man’s cart in a onslaught similar to a SWAT team.
He blinked, staring off at the clouds, dazed by the flurry of action.
“We’re getting several cases like you each hour. But I wonder now, what would a 50 megaton thermonuclear device do if it was detonated in the center of a hurricane?” Scratching at his iconic notepad and doing quick calculations on a scientific calculator app, Troubador raised an eyebrow. “My God look at this man! The incredible heat vaporizing all that water and the concussion waves – not to mention the X-Ray ablation. Add it all up and you’d have a hurricane that would stretch from Brazil to Quebec! Jesus Christ, let’s hope they don’t drop a nuke on it.”
Already forgetting his psychotic break, the man in the Hawaiian shirt walked off muttering “god damn” at price tags, pieces of ramen falling all over the place.
Dr. Troubador cruised his Segway towards the loud yelps and howls from the produce department, thinking about what a neutron bomb salted with cobalt would do when popped off at the center of a hurricane.
“I wish you had some real vegetables,” the dreadlocked woman hissed at Dr. Troubador. “All this fake monsanto shit tastes like shit and is made of glyphosate chemtrails!”
“Ma’am vegetables are shit. Shit and sunshine. You won’t find any more natural vegetables than these here. Except over there in the organic section, if you can afford it.”
The dreadlocked woman smashed the squash open and ate with her eyes wide, pieces falling out. “Look at me, I’m healthy. I’m a healthy healthy healthy health.”
Dr. Troubador blanched at this vulgarity, but regained his composure almost immediately. “Our individual, narrow idea of what mother nature’s essence is will only further complicate the matter. It’s true, Monsanto has made some small improvements to crop yields and patented what amounts to a small modification of millennia of human ingenuity. It’s a real racket and I hope they lock the bastards up.”
She stripped off her squash tainted clothes and screeched, “Gaia! Mother Gaia! I am free!”
“There’s no helping you, I can see now. Whatever you do, don’t go into farming. It’ll only take you farther from nature. I recommend you join up with the Femen movement immediately.”
“Thank you Doctor Troubador. That’s exactly what I’ll do. I thought the squash was actually okay, even mediocre.”
Troubador waved off the red vests and helped her clean up the terrible mess with the shirt off his back. “That’s the secret of our success. Outstanding mediocrity. But don’t tell anyone I told you.”
There is great confusion, generally, about the terms ‘liberal democracy’, the related ‘neoliberalism’, ‘republicanism’, as well as ‘fascism’ and ‘neofascism’. While some of these terms are often jumbled around in murky waters and Orwellized by all-too-clear propaganda, so it might be easy to meet any of them with the scoff of dismissal that shows you know everything and nothing at the same time. Perhaps the meanings are not easy to suss out for those who aren’t interested in reading about political science or history, and very difficult for readers who are very limited to the ‘blogosphere’, and totally impossible for those who strongly receive propaganda, but for today only, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador is pouring out his intellectual gravy for the internet masses to summarily reject and eject, injecting wordplay like a tired and unfun episode (medical) coming out of Lionel Nation’s big mouth.
Firstly, a liberal democracy is a weak democracy, in fact it is one purposefully designed to protect the property of the rich and powerful. This kind of limited democracy in which only political rights are appropriate for the masses to debate purposefully engendered an ongoing ‘culture war’ wherein civil rights are the only rights that many citizens, for example Ta Nehisi Coates, can even imagine. Early liberal thinkers did not go out of their way to hide the fact that they distrusted democracy and looked at it as an instrument by which the rich and powerful could preserve and legitimize their power. To put a fine point on it, a liberal democracy that is operating as originally intended is an oligarchy. In practice, however, this oligarchy is forever in constant peril.
That doesn’t sound very ‘liberal’, at least in the common usage of the word in the United States at this moment. But to understand why a ‘liberal’ is also an American leftist is impossible without a quick history. The liberal oligarchs of 19th century Europe (and the Americas) controlled all economic policy which engendered a terrible global crisis, triggering some of the worst wars and famines in history as the 20th century dawned. The invisible hand of nature failed their generations miserably, and through the mechanisms of democracy which were originally supposed to only be a sham legitimizer of their rule, and through the war and revolutions, some policies, governments, and institutions that were robustly democratic emerged around the world in the wake of this disaster. Militarist reactionaries in Mussolini’s Italy and Hitler’s Germany wanted to set back the clock and recapture the naturalizing economics and a semblance of the former order from the grasp of democracy. Hitler actually got his start by denying that Germany lost the war, which should tell you something. Through perverted norms of civility, cynical mass propaganda techniques and so on, this nostalgic daydream deepened the crisis in Germany and ultimately only brought on a nightmare of economic cannibalism in the concentration camps, much akin to what Swift brought ‘ad absurdum’ when liberalism was a fresh 18th century way to enlighten your powdery whigged up head. But, mostly thanks to the communist grit and sacrifice, the skeletal specter of fascism passed and was forgotten, and over much of the 20th century the strongly democratic economic policies of now not-so-liberal nations like America built up educated work forces and absorbed millions from around the world into a fertile and rich economy that seemed to never slow down. But, like a zombie from the 18th century, ‘neoliberal’ dogmatists clawed their way out from under Hitler’s tombstone, murmuring their self-concerned discontent. It wasn’t natural that they should pay taxes, that democracy should exist beyond some flimsy sham of a culture war. They felt bad about beating up Nazis in their opportunistic charge to carve up Europe, and had long talks with Werhner Von Braun about colonizing the moon with nothing but white babies. Joe McCarthy and Richard Nixon killed JFK, MLK, declared war on humanity itself, and did it all in the name of Nature, blasted their message on television night and day, and ultimately created a culture that cheered for a reality TV show fetishizing a string of firings that can only leave one person in all of the world with a high paying job. And that’s why Bill Clinton and other democrats had to call themselves ‘liberal’, so you can be sure he’s not a communist. Although for the money, the best usage of all comes from the right wing bumper stickers declaring that liberalism is a mental disorder. Specifically, economic liberalism is the grandiose delusion in which one’s own property is inflated into a law of nature and made untaxable. ‘Neoliberalism’ is specifically the expropriation of democratic institutions by private ownership, and it is the direct track to neofascism paved by the CIA when they lit the sanction-busted Soviet’s government on fire and expropriated the whole goddamn empire. Putin was among the first neofascists, and it was just what the paperclippers in the CIA ordered.
As for ‘republicanism’, this was an ancient Roman concept that was rebirthed by Machiavelli in his most famous work, The Discourses of Livy. Unlike in the little-known pamphlet of personal advice for a dictator of a no longer existing form of government, The Prince, the Discourses is the book in which Machiavelli set out the schematic for a fully modern nation state. Featuring three branches resembling oligarchy, monarchy, and democracy all set against one another in tension Machiavelli designed the stability that is today embodied in many modern nation states that have hung around for unusually elongated historic periods. In the sense of American politics, a Republican is a Conservative with that eye for stability and properly separated power Machiavelli set forward in his book. But this scientific view of politics and the staunch conservatism always on the losing side of centuries of culture wars has broken open, seemingly without crisis, into a full-fledged oligarchist front which has now implemented a policy of crisis to make way for the neofascist cannibal type hotfixes already in experimental stages, to help bust open its own mean shell. Blowing up the ACA. Big irony to conclude today with, of course, the Trump Administration’s rabid anti-republican rhetoric dismissing all legitimacy in the other branches of government, and even parts of the executive that have a layer of traditional separation from the president’s office for reasons of propriety that are so obvious even Barrett Brown could spot it from the bottom of a junk binge. Neoliberal? That don’t mean nothin!
INTERNET — The loser and abuser bottomfeeder cabal at Rusty Cartographer’s Discord sunk back into the shadows as their shittalk’s been replaced with a fecund deluge of shitposting at a far superior caliber.
The bottomfeeder refrains for ‘balance’ and insistence that their time is the most important ingredient in their work were fucked to begin with. Any hint of economy in your work and their paroxysm of self abasement can trigger a fullcringe at 300m. Three months now into custom world development for Rust, and the weak or unfertilized are falling off the vine.
But boy, a few are ripe and taking a zerging from the paradoxical hungry beast, the Rust Community. Artyom of Drake’s State has foregone all pretension, simply editing in some fun youtube selling point for an otherwise procedurally generated world. In this way Artyom has shown the most economy, and even still drawn suppression from the world making community.
That was probably when the bottomfeeders fucked off, the day Artyom’s trailer was deleted, and then later restored after I complained. Some moderator called me paranoid, making him at least the third moderator to insult me and my work publicly — this is with me discluding dozens of moments that might, in certain light, just be an honest miscommunication.
Everything happened in plain sight without need for presuming conspiracy. A rigid aesthetic entirely devoted to preserving the experience of a procedurally generated world condensed like beads of water on a cold glass in summer. As soon as the public was given tools to edit Rust worlds, a counsel of self-appointed narrow minded dogmatists who didn’t want Rust to change instituted the rules of discourse for the discord, as well as their ideal for a successful world, but they didn’t apply either to themselves.
My wild foray into a little world with nothing but small islands rustled their jimmies, indeed when I first posted images of Waterworld, a couple moderators at the discord insulted my work. I cringed and went about my business. Later of course I found out one of them had a similar island project underway.
Since then, things have turned around somewhat. I have personally beaten the drum for a spirit of openmindedness in civil discussion and angry outbursts to great effect. Artyom’s video was only momentarily censored, of course. Some clever readers may even have noticed the bitter irony there, that Artyom’s approach of making small edits to a procedural world should also outrage the people who want to preserve the feel of the procedural world. Isn’t that what they want, anyway? But after all, it was never about creators adhering to a list of aesthetic demands. It was an old time story about hatred and fear, jealousy and incompetence. Rule by the suspiciously early, by those with little ability to produce any object of desire, by those who hate any compromise within the narrow constraints of a half-born world creation software system but love to make rules and reasons for rules and never ending lists of excuses for bad reasons. What a shame.
I’ve been accused of self-victimization, paranoia, all that bullshit by the bottomfeeder types and their moderator sympathizers. But today, I enjoyed a great spectacle of hypocrisy, watching the re-creator of the backward-looking Legacy world and other big timers whinging on about some zero population server hosting hiscreation without permission. Oh, what a joy to see the server’s name: “Rust Legacy (with cars)”
That must leave the inquisitive and the Rust-ignorant reader with a few questions. Firstly, the cars are so new they haven’t even been introduced into the game yet, so yes, they put a brilliant cherry of novelty on top of something old and shitty and designed to trigger our tired sense of nostalgia for a long gone yesteryear. Secondly, yes, the re-creator of an old sad world from the early days of Rust is totally upset that his copy of someone else’s work has itself been copied and changed in this vile way. And of course, yeah, recreating something has its own creativity involved and we’ll give the guy his due, sure thing, but; Thirdly, yes his butthurt is viral and pinging back and forth inflicting great pain upon the frail and wimpy Rust Elites who just want everything to go back to the magic of the first rush of Heroin Hero and will instead suffer for all eternity. Shocker.
My daily funeral for old rust has a dixie band with brass instruments, rather than a dusty, barren old world. Things that no one’s ever seen in their whole life, like Dust 2, Rust from COD, the Rust Khalifa, Rusty Mosque, Oil Rig, Artillery Platforms, and hell I’m just getting started and that’s not even half the list. My colorful worlds have been played by thousands, ripped off, stolen, edited, sucked out of their beautiful backdrops and dropped inside of a combat tag megawall, griefed, and run through the mud thanks to a conspiracy of CIA-controlled whisper campaigns. And as of today the goddamn software won’t even respawn custom loot and I ain’t shed more than a tear or two over it. However, I can tell you that it’s about to get a lot better and these experiments of mine have long legs no matter what the rules some discord operators come up with.
Get Advanced! Subscribe to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador’s guide to Advanced Video Game manufacture and call his abuse hotline for toll-free howtos and faqs at 917 675-4836. Mention ‘Constructive Criticism’ and get 75% off!