Barrett Brown announces new Bit Train diesel therapy tour

barrett brown diesel therapy tour bit trainLebal Drocer, Inc. is proud to introduce the brand new Bit Train, which carries the Anonymous spokesperson long distances in a reformative practice called diesel chamber therapy. Adoring crowds welcome the train’s arrival with a warm chant of the enterprise:

What, did they get ya Barry?

Years in the slammer, for sharing a link!

What did you think?

Oh won’t you car-ry my Bit-coins a-way

Barrett “Good Guy” Brown is slated for new rounds of essential diesel therapy in the coming weeks. For good measure, he is not allowed to go near books, pens or paper. He gets leaflets of Fountainhead by carrier pigeon, a mysterious one-way line of communication from a sender unknown… Maybe just somebody watching out for him.

Check Ticketmaster for tour dates to see Barrett live in a town near you. That’s right, for one time only Barrett Brown will go on display LIVE (a spectacle of the mind and eye!) before adoring fans starting as early as next week. It is reported Rachel Haywire will attend a not-yet-released stop, as long as her okcupid date does not mind waiting outside with the engine running.

The Bit Train, powered by Brown’s denial, carries data – or “shares links” – in the form of national security cables, serving a dual purpose of imprisoning Brown and furthering surveillance.

A Carolina Wonderland: Bacon and drug tests

drug party!

My uncle told me to pad my resumé with dead businesses. “They can’t call ’em,” he said.

That’s not necessary, I told him. I got a job with a corporate spy agency. I got benefits. I got paid meals and travel. I get mileage. I get paid double what I was working before without overhead. . . .

Hypermart Syndrome


If you fail to keep these temple flames burning it angers the gods, and the gods take your satoshis. Weird dream? Dronebreakfast would be nice but the bitcard’s battery is all fouled up. It’ll be hours before it’ll take enough charge for any kind of a transaction. All that crypto in these new cards . . .

Lebal Drocer one step closer to securing ‘Kevorkian’ treatment programs

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour's latest book, Troll Medicine, is under scrutiny amid yet another media-invented 'peer-review scandal.'

Jack Kevorkian was a pretty cool guy. eh kills patients and doesn’t afraid of anything.

Has the daily grind got you contemplating suicide? At Lebal Drocer Laboratories is leading the way in assisted suicide thanks to groundbreaking new research by Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour and his magnificent staff of scientists, scholars and lobbyists. Using state-of-the-art . . .

Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity

ayyy lmao pepe

All the dank memes are gone, moved overseas. What’s left is the pepes. Worthless, rare pepes.

A desert man burns his worthless savings – once rare pepes – now good only for warmth.

After pepes appeared on the popular reddit-backed website imgflip – and were subsequently mass-produced by college students – rare pepes took . . .

Heroic Walmart Employee Admits to Not Caring About His Job

Controversy at Walmart

Cookeville, TN — Tuesday morning a Walmart employee admitted to shocked coworkers that he didn’t care about his job. In what some are calling a “heroic, yet fruitless act,” Jackson Sneed of Cookeville’s Walmart Supercenter did the impossible. While store managers were doing inventory on the newly stocked, yet somehow . . .

The Ruins of Malvern


A subdevelopment:

And the crowds came down to break Old Malvern’s legs. But they didn’t stop there. They couldn’t help themselves. They encircled him and snarled.

“This terrorist doesn’t deserve to live among us. The civilized.” Arms were raised in celebration, and came down in a fury. The hurting stopped only because he died.

Now . . .

Retail Wrapup: My job at Walmart Supercenter

Wal-Mart Shopper

I promised myself that if I ever got to this point – that if I ever sank so low – I would record it, because the world deserves to know, lest we should forget: Walmart is a hellish nightmare unfolding right in your own backyard.

This is hatesec, reporting live from the bottomless pit of . . .

Forgotten thoughts resurface, never happened anyway


We were cruising down the Blue Ridge Parkway, drinking cheap beer. We talked about politics like we knew what was happening, jabbering wildly, using big gestures. While Jim Morrison sang out his sexual frustrations at top volume on the stereo, we carried on joking about the idea of left versus right. National politics bloated . . .

You may have already won!

Germanwings co-pilot "just a good old boy," Troubadour says.

Dear winners,

If you are reading this, then CONGRATULATIONS on your big win. You did it. You finally won.

Life as a winner is going to feel quite a bit different. First of all, winners don’t quit. In that way life will always be the same, but because that’s your new point of . . .