Barrett Brown's character assassinated by Kilgore Trout

Yesterday, Barrett Brown was Anonymously provided with alleged leaks from the US Chamber of Commerce. Brown did not pass the documents onto Anonymous. As expected, Anonymous did not take caution and widely publicized the documents before they had been examined.

The documents were encrypted and could only be read by entering the password BarrettBrown. This simple trick implicitly associated these bogus documents with Brown and gave them the superficial feel of sensitive information. As Anonymous wasted their time digging through the massive dump, they wrongly cursed the name of Barrett Brown.

These documents were nothing more than the Chamber of Commerce public record. As the only celebrity to be associated with Anonymous, Barrett Brown is an important target for those who would turn public opinion against Anonymous. Making Brown look incompetent is a painful blow directed at the name of Anonymous.

Some have speculated that contractors like HBGary are at work. It is not clear whether they may have been hired by the US Government, Sony, or the NZ Government. What is clear is the intent to squelch online democratic uprisings. This move fits their strategy and was possibly intended to dethrone Barrett Brown as spokesperson of Anonymous. However, our inside sources have found a different answer.

A writer for Chronicle.SU has taken credit for the phony leak.

“As the world’s greatest troll, I am myself untrollable. However, Barrett Brown is not such a savvy troll. I took it upon myself to troll Barrett Brown and make him look like a failure. It’s part of a psychotic plan I have to assert dominance over Anonymous. Having trolled the entirety of Anonymous ten times over, I have finally set my sights on their great leader. Anyone who takes documents to Anonymous instead of Wikileaks should be instantly ignored.” ~ Kilgore Trout

The United States Government Is Completely Irrelevant

The American Revolution is Inevitable

Historically, America has been a model for Democracy and the Western way of life. But we’ve lost our national identity to enablers who gave corporations carte blanche at the Bank of American Dreams. That’s okay. It happens. That’s the end result of Capitalism. They got all our money. They’re not going to give it back. That is a fact we have to accept which can’t be changed.

Further deterioration of our standard of living can be prevented, however, but it’s going to take “something bigger” than simply electing a new guy in 2012.

To avoid total collapse of the American nation, Americans need to overthrow their government, which is now extensively corrupt, harmful and irrelevant.

Capitalism is fine, but the United States Government is not. It must come down.

The American Dream should not belong only to the elite, but high-ranking government officials created the conditions allowing corporate entities to absorb so much money, there is not enough left to run a business, much less turn a profit. Starting a small business is virtually impossible. Even as the Federal Reserve prints more money it can’t substantiate, that new cash finds its way not into the federal budget, not into your paychecks, not in the form of an economic stimulus package, but into the vacuum of corporate will, forcing inflation.

America is in the exact same place as Egypt before Egypt’s revolution and will ultimately be forced to follow their model, military-based interim government and all.

The media is not going to do it for you. There will be no reality TV show called “Protesters,” where the stars conspire to revolt all the while taking your emotional housewives on a spiritual journey into their own ugly centers. The TV news won’t even acknowledge a revolution until it’s right outside their doors, and God only knows the spin they’re going to put on it for you middle-aged couch-dwellers out there.

So you are on your own with your decision to stay put or to act. But you can rest assured, that regardless of your choice, you will not be alone; and should you choose to act on the purest of impulses – to see justice brought to our corrupt leaders – you will be joined not by tens of thousands, but a half-million or more good, Democracy-loving Americans just like yourselves.

Using the Egyptian model, change is within reach. The American military is comprised of our brothers, sisters, children, friends and parents who wish to see the best for America, not corrupt politicians; and like Egypt, will continue to protect the country, even if a murderous career liar happens to hold office.

The only reason Egypt hasn’t yet fully come around is because they’re still trying to draft a Constitution. Americans love their Constitution, inasmuch as the Federal Government allows us to use it.

Therefore, every 10,000 protesters on the streets will be matched by 100,000 who, from their PCs and recliners, may wish the revolutionaries well, and pray silently to God activism doesn’t shut down the Internet.

If American leadership refuses to use the tools voted into their hands, then there is no other solution than to empty every seat in the House, Congress and Senate, and clear out the White House – and also their bank accounts – where at least a portion of your money sits, awaiting reclamation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness- That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed – That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of those ends, it is Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

-Declaration of Independence (more abused than my semi-colons)

I hate you.

SUCK IT DUDE

TALLYST ICKS

Gopd damn ;aoiufoyou omotherfuckers can’t yoiu just get in through your vucking ehads hthat your senseless arguments are the philosophical equivalent to the talley stick? tally stick.

My solution is to encase you all in gold and create the first human currency.

Anonymous leadership squelches discussion of AT&T

Or AnonOps moderators ban the word ‘Sony’

UPDATE! UPDATE! ANONNEWS.ORG RESORTS TO CENSORING THIS IMPORTANT STORY AND THE COMMENTARY FROM THEIR OWN WEB SITE.

IT IS STILL AVAILABLE VIA THIS LINK (LULZ)

Today, AnonOps came back online. I decided to pay them a visit. I attempted to discuss the most current Supreme Court case. It was about how AT&T forced users of their information network into a terrible contract. This contract forbids class action lawsuits. PSN users unknowingly agreed to a similar contract.

Here are some rules for AnonOps:

I entered Anonymous AnonOps IRC after reading these very clear rules. I went to #OperationPayback because they care about free speech. To me, collective lawsuits are an important part of free speech. They allow me to join up with other users of an information network and get my payback when that information network has done me wrong. AT&T has faced a collective lawsuit for charging people a fee for nothing. Because of this Supreme Court ruling, that collective lawsuit is no longer valid. The lawsuit against Sony may be invalid also. It’s just too bad everyone who used AT&T agreed to terms of service that said they couldn’t sue AT&T. As if they had a choice! AT&T is about to buy T-Mobile. You’ll be able to pick between Verizon, AT&T, and Sprint. Do you think any of them will let you sue? I wanted to see what Anonymous #OperationPayback had to say.

Don’t be too quick to judge this. I know I called Tony_The_Tiger a fucking cunt ass. He’s a bot and had it coming. I was later informed that I was banned for saying the word Sony and that Nessuno, the moderator, was very upset with me. This was simply because too many “Sonyfags” had flooded their channel complaining about how they didn’t like what Anonymous AnonOps had done. According to Anonymous someone, “fag” is a term of endearment among Anons. I have begun to think that “Sonyfag” isn’t a term of endearment at all. In fact, I think that Anonymous someone actually means to put a negative connotation onto homosexuality. Oh dear, how shocking. I thought anyone could join AnonOps Anonymous, but now I realize that “Sonyfags” aren’t even allowed to speak their opinions. I quickly reported this freedom of speech problem to #AnonNews. Perhaps I shouldn’t have expected a higher level of freedom from a news outlet.

Well, I guess Nessuno is running the show. No “Sonyfags” allowed. In fact, no one who says anything Anonymous Nessuno doesn’t want to hear. I’ll admit it. I’m mildly butthurt that you’d say no one listens to me anymore. Only because I think you’re wrong, Nessuno. In the past week I’ve been called a representative of Anonymous by CNET. And I was defending AnonOps Anonymous, not controlling them! On top of that, I’ve even provided the valuable service of calling for a class-action suit against Sony the day before it was filed. This lawsuit will be associated with the name AnonOps Anonymous forever. I know Anonymous AnonOps doesn’t care about getting good press, but I care. You’re welcome, Nessuno Anonymous.

Thanks to Sony’s terms of anal rape and the precedent reached in the Supreme Court on AT&T, the lawsuit may fail. But you don’t care, Anonymous Nessuno. You’d just rather not have someone come around criticizing you for controlling speech. I heard you’re raging mad. So sorry.

After being banned so quickly from #OperationPayback and #AnonNews, I had a nice chat with a fellow who goes by e. He made a few veiled threats about censoring the Chronicle, but I believe they were all in good humor. I got the impression that among AnonOps mods, not everyone is into guys like Nessuno. Oops…

In conclusion, if “Sonyfags” want to join AnonOps, why ban them? Let them create anti-anonymous operations. I’m sure they’ll do fine. There certainly isn’t a leadership that keeps AnonOps Anonymous on any particular track. That much is clear.

I poke fun at Anonymous. Okay, I viciously lie about Anonymous. But what’s wrong with that? It’s all in good fun. I also viciously lie to take down the enemies of Anonymous. I honestly feel like AnonOps OperationPayback Nessuno Anonymous has done a lot of great things and has more in store.

Anonymous vaporizes Sony, targets AT&T

Today the Supreme court voted along party lines to destroy consumer rights. The majority-holding republicans voted down a case that would allow class action lawsuits against corporations. It upholds the legality of contracts which force consumers into arbitration. Arbitration is a process through which big businesses anally rape the general public. The class action suit against AT&T reached the supreme court over a $30 fee that is still unexplained. The message from the Supreme Court is clear. Corporations can force you into a contract, take away your right to sue, and charge you a fee for it. And then anal rape you, and charge you an anal rape fee.

As soon as their pawns in the Supreme Court upheld corporate hegemony, AT&T revised its terms of service to give themselves the power to anal rape more viciously.

Not all is lost. Sonygate has prompted a democratic uprising for corporate justice. A lawsuit has been filed against Sony, which also includes forced anal rape in its terms of service. The behavior of Sony and AT&T may shift public opinion against corporations in a profound way.

Senator Blumenthal and Representative Johnson have introduced legislation that will fix the rule of law to make anal rape illegal. The legislation will disallow forced arbitration by terms of service, opening all corporations to class action lawsuits. Chronicle.SU opinion polls show that 99% of citizens believe that corporations should not be allowed the right to anal rape.

Meanwhile, Anonymous is organizing a DDoS that will disable AT&T’s call network to finally get revenge on smug iPhone users. In 1990, AT&T wrongly blamed a network outage on hackers, a move that led to the arrest of hundreds of hackers. Anonymous does not forget.

UPDATE: AT&T moves forward their plans on acquiring T-mobile to crush competition and consumers underneath their mighty feet.

My ideal president

I’d like to see a President self-destruct once in office.

The ideal President would/is/does:

  • Tear the oval office apart in fits of rage
  • Listen to Electric Wizard
  • Kick secretaries in the face
  • not try to conceal one blowjob, but demand them every hour, on the hour
  • drinks heavily
  • even uses cat tranquilizers and PCP
  • fights police
  • hates women
  • has kids and collects child support from his ex-wife
  • loses control in front of audiences and repeatedly uses racial epithets to describe his corporate bosses
  • liberal jew media
  • goes to visit his brother in prison, because he really, truly cares.
  • sleeps until 1 p.m. and plays Call of Duty for three hours before getting dressed for work
  • Doesn’t go to work
  • Ignores major responsibilities
  • eliminate deficit
  • acquire new, larger defecit

Anonymous announces endorsement for Grady Warren 2012

Today, Anonymous announced its support for the Tea Party’s greatest presidential hope: Grady Warren. Following the suit of Chronicle.SU, Anonymous has created #OpGradyWarren2012 to spread the message of racial hatred espoused by Grady Warren to every corner of the internet. This is in line with the factions of Anonymous who find this kind of shit hilarious and worthy of support.

Grady Warren is a Florida Community College alumnus. He currently works as a Sporting Goods Professional in Jacksonville, Fla. and is an outspoken member of the American Tea Party. Grady Warren has a simple, concise platform that Anonymous can get behind.

  • Deportation of Muslims
  • Deportation of Hispanics
  • Concentration camps for “Negras”
  • Concentration camps for Gays and Lesbians
  • Sexual fantasies about Sarah Palin
  • Voting rights only for educated Whites

See for yourself!

Casio Watch Recall – All Owners Report DIRECTLY To Guantanamo Bay for Re-/Un-Americanization

GUANTANAMO CASIO CONNECTIONAll Casio watch-owners have been ordered by the United States Department of Defense to report directly to the Florida coast where boats are waiting to take them to the infamous Guantanamo Bay holding facility in Cuba.

There are two types of watch brands available to most Middle Easterners: Casio and Fossil. Terrorists use Casio watches in the arming of IEDs. Many of us had these throughout our childhoods and didn’t realize it. They’re small, cheap, tell the day of the week and the time just fine, and cost probably $5 or 10 at the market.

When asked what effect this would have, if any, on President Obama’s controversial promise to close the military holding facility, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told Americans to “Never give up hope.”

The Casio watch with a compass pointing to Mecca – the one used by the Guantanamo Bay guards as an excuse to detain an innocent Muslim man indefinitely – actually costs between $80 and 200.

He was arrested and interrogated for simply wearing this Casio watch. Their mistake, right?

“Well, we saw that it was a Casio but didn’t realize at the time how nice it was.”

But he was detained for less, using their mistake as the impetus for his continued detention; based only on the invalid assumption that being a Muslim made him a terrorist, since his watch, regardless of the model, contained a compass pointing straight at Mecca.

But even if he was interested in making a bomb, there is no reason to use a watch that nice. Bomb watches are stuck into an IED. Anyway, wouldn’t it be counter-intuitive that a Muslim should blow up a watch with the unique capability of pointing to Mecca?

The specific model used by terrorists is the Casio F-91W model or its silver variant, the A-159W, costing around $8.

The only reason for his continued captivity seems to be contempt for him either as a person, a Muslim or a non-American – all of which are threats to national security.

Keep up the good work, storm-troopers.

Americans, get back in your cages. Shock treatment is to begin promptly at 4 a.m. and must be administered on an empty stomach [or you will be forcefully purged].

Reddit and Anonymous under attack, Sony suspected

Sonygate has sparked yet more cyber war. The popular social-hyperlinking site Reddit has featured a front page heavily dominated by bad press for Sony. Reddit has become a horrible reflection of the public relations nightmare facing Sony. Tens of thousands of angry comments expressing frustration for Sony’s lack of transparency and mishandling of public relations are now unavailable due to an apparent attack. Meanwhile, the IRC servers that give a centralized meeting point for the Anonymous collective also appear to be under attack. Both services may be available to some users but with greatly diminished functionality.

These apparent attacks could possibly be a direct action of Sony. Imagine that Sony transferred money to a third party that was opposed to Anonymous. There are many groups and individuals who have remained loyal to Sony and continue to believe the lie that Anonymous is actually to blame. This third party could then transfer the funds to criminal hackers, most likely in Eastern Europe, in exchange for access to a bot-net. A bot-net is a network of computers created by a computer worm that gives the owner the ability to overwhelm specific targets and deny service to normal users.

It is probable that AnonNews.org and even Chronicle.SU will come under attack in the very near future. While Sony has likely made sure that blame cannot be traced back to them, public opinion is against them. Sony’s attempt to squelch negative material is just the type of behavior that has spurned customers to file a lawsuit earlier today.