Giovanna Plowman sucks on used tampon

INTERNET–Internet ‘Geek’ culture found a young new hero Monday in Giovanna Plowman. ‘Geek’, however, is used here in an archaic sense to describe those like the painters’ caulk chugging Shoenice, who recently overdosed and died in his video titled “OVER TWO POUNDS OF RAT POISON IN UNDER THIRTY SECONDS.”

Ms. Plowman is seen in this . . .

Scientists to clone Neanderthal

Surrogate Mother Wanted

Harvard, MA–Harvard geneticist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador is looking for a surrogate mother for the world’s first Neanderthal clone. “She needs a robust frame and a highly elastic birth canal. These Neanderthal babies are serious business!”

In his ill-lit basement lab at Harvard, Dr. Troubador hovers over a microscope, sourrounded by . . .

BREAKING: AT&T sells Newtown phone calls to NewsCorp, say Anonymous

Rupert Murdoch’s Newscorp purchased Sandyhook phone conversations for 7 million US dollars.

NEWTOWN CT–Anonymous activists, combing through AT&T’s e-mail servers, released evidence Sunday showing that recorded phone calls of grieving Sandyhook victims and families were sold to Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp for seven million US dollars.

The recordings were released by Anonymous as proof that . . .

Lebal Drocer, Inc. Purchases Human Being

RICHMOND, VA. — “We just seen the opportunity, and I couldn’t pass it up. I had to own a slave,” said Internet Chronicle Publisher Frank Mason, speaking to clerical staff and press called to a conference at 1000 Monument Ave. With Jeff Schapiro from the Times-Dispatch busily taking notes, Mr. Mason continued, lamenting that he . . .

The secret ‘Kallana’, a mountain-dwelling dwarf elephant

Photographic evidence of the elusive pygmy elephant.

Agasthyarkoodam, INDIA–At the southern tip of the Western Ghats mountain range in western India, perched upon Agasthyarkoodam, there is a shrine to Agastya which was placed by Chenkottukonam Madathipathi Jagadguru Swami Sathyananda Saraswathi Thiruvadikal. Local folklore and Hindu legend have long mentioned existence of a distinct species . . .

‘Portraits of the New Chattel Slavery: WSJ Artist Exposes How the Other 20th Lives’

This month a brilliant artist at The Wall Street Journal has broken new ground in the flourishing investigative journalism market by going where cameras could not. You can click here to see these images in their original context, alongside a breathtaking column by Laura Saunders. Witness the pain of these Americans’ faces, as the . . .

In wake of Aaron Swartz’s death, Wikipedia launches free, open source academic journal

In the wake of the Sandyhook school shooting, people have finally decided to make the move against mass-shooting machines in the hands of mental patients who are now on watch lists for telling their shrink they once thought of suicide.

Aaron Swartz is the computer prodigy who downloaded the entire contents of JSTOR, a monopolistic . . .

New form of anal sex invented

Hyperanal sex is a new form of super-sensual intercourse where a prolapsed rectum is inserted into another’s anus.

INTERNET–A new form of anal-on-anal sex has been invented by pioneering porn starlet and writer Sasha Grey. “Basically, I extrude a section of my rectum past my sphincter and insert it into another gaping asshole. It . . .

Aaron Swartz was Murdered

Murderers of Aaron Swartz tried to disguise his death as a suicide.

NEW YORK — After reports of Aaron Swartz’s apparent suicide circulated around the Internet this weekend, investigators found evidence of foul play. A former architect of Reddit, the online forum scandalized earlier this year by child pornography and “creepshots,” Aaron Swartz was . . .

Solicitor General: Gut Individual Mandate to Further Cannabis Legalization

Acting Attorney General Neal Katyal, who this week outlined the administration’s shift from state-based health care exchanges to “chilling out”

WASHINGTON — Friday morning Acting Attorney General Neal Katyal announced that the Obama administration would be backpedaling from its take on the commerce clause to forward the “holy, righteous cause” of recreational cannabis . . .