Christian Stork: The Megalomania of Aaron Swartz Prosecutor Carmen Ortiz


Massachusetts District U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz (Courtesy: Wikipedia)
Massachusetts District U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz (Courtesy: Wikipedia)

WASHINGTON — In a not-so-stirring defense of academic conglomerate JSTOR, U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz said of Aaron Swartz‘s offenses, “Stealing is stealing whether you use a computer command or a crowbar, and whether you take documents, data or dollars. It is equally harmful to the victim whether you sell what you have stolen or give it away.” While common sense and lore would tend to at least lend more sympathy to Robin Hood- or Jean Valjean-type characters, who might be at least functioning out of some concern for others, Ms. Ortiz remained steadfast in her pursuit of recent “an Hero” Mr. Swartz, trying to see him put in jail for potentially the rest of his life.

Over at WhoWhatWhy Christian Stork does a nice little breakdown of this U.S. attorney’s wading into murky waters of civil asset forfeiture, one particular case in which she agreed to help confiscate a rundown, mom-and-pop Massachusetts motel because because “from 2001 to 2008, .05 [percent of at least 125,000 visitors] were arrested for drug crimes on the property.” This was a theft just like Aaron Swartz’s. Except not it was not a theft in the high-minded name of educating the world’s downtrodden, but in that of fattening the pockets of law enforcement agencies, treating poor drug abusers as criminals, alongside those who might dare house them.

Mr. Stork paints a disturbing picture of a civil asset forfeiture system in which being in debt vis-a-vis a mortgage — meaning that a bank, and its lawyers, has some has some skin in the game — means that the owners of this motel would have been in an even better position to disavow their affiliation with three handfuls of guest drug offenses. But alas they ran out of lawyer money, and the government all at once took five decades of family property worth $1.5 million.

Mr. Stork also outlines a direct financial, not an external ethical, motive for law enforcement to take on these kinds of civil asset forfeitures. He cites the testimony of a DEA agent claiming that federal attorneys never go after anything with less than $50,000 in equity. Additionally, local law enforcement, for cooperating with the feds, can look to take home up to 80 percent of what was seized. That’s a major incentive to turn a blind eye to a violation of property rights. In fact it’s more of an incentive to turn a blind eye to property-rights violations than the Pirate Party ever had: It’s money straight to the bank!

The same prosecutor, Carmen Ortiz, who sought to lock up Aaron Swartz for his failure to respect property rights of the proprietors of academic information also sought to seize a family’s business because an extreme minority of their clientele used drugs. Mr. Stork’s article makes clear that this was ultimately the DEA’s initiative, with Ms. Ortiz simply acting as its lawyer. But that doesn’t change that this U.S. attorney lacks any consistency in her modus operandi. It’s pretty obvious that the low rates for staying at this establishment, Motel Caswell, made it an even more tempting target.

Ms. Ortiz’s office released a statement about the seizure, saying: “The government believed that this was an important case . . . because of the deterrent message it sends to others who may turn a blind eye to crime occurring at their place of business.” But Mr. Stork shows this is shmoax because local crime rates dictate that there would have been just as much of a rationale for seizing nearby Walmart, Home Depot, Applebees, Motel 6 and IHOP. But those are large businesses, and no matter how many people shoot up or each other inside, they’ll have the lawyers to keep the whomever or the DEA at bay.

Giovanna Plowman, “Tampon Girl,” commits suicide at 15

"i'm the queen of the world. everyone loves me, and you guys will do whatever i want you guys to do (; cause i'm THAT famous! (;"
“i’m the queen of the world. everyone loves me, and you guys will do whatever i want you guys to do (; cause i’m THAT famous! (;”

TAMPA, FLA. — Giovanna Plowman’s rise to fame was meteoric, but as she dazzled Internet denizens with feats of amazing fecundity, she also sowed the seeds of her own demise. Just 48 hours into her new career as the Internet’s most famous tampon-sucker, the ceaseless bullying of the heartless masses forced her to commit suicide. Ms. Plowman’s suicide video has since received over 50 million views from adoring fans.

“[G]iovanna just wanted to be famous like all of us. I can’t believe they’d do this to her, just for expressing herself,” said one commenter on YouTube. Fans may have only known her for a few short days, but the hole she plugged in their hearts was left gaping and bloody. “We must stop these trolls! They’re taking our youngest and brightest from us,” said Mothers Against Trolling spokesperson Lindsey Siphers.

This tragic death comes on the heels of a spat of teenage suicides related to bullying, and many commenters have likened Giovanna Plowman to Amanda Todd. “She’s just so brave,” said one fan, “for standing up to those bullies like this. God bless Giovanna.”

 

US Air Force Global Strike Command Celebrates MLK Legacy of War Promotion

MLK
Martin Luther King, Jr. Might Understand Today’s Wars, Pentagon Lawyer Says

Commentary by Warren Ward
Air Force Global Strike Command Programming Division

 

1/21/2013 – BARKSDALE AIR FORCE BASE, La.  — Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s 83rd birthday was Jan. 15. . . His courageous crusade for equality was first nationally recognized on Jan. 20, 1986, when President Reagan established the third Monday in January as an official federal government holiday.

Our country, our Air Force and Air Force Global Strike Command can learn much from Dr. King’s drive for America to be a nation of equals. . . During his “I Have a Dream” speech given at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. on Aug. 28, 1963, King told a gathering of more than 200,000 Americans, “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the meaning of its creed, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.'”

Dr. King completed his moving presentation with an emphasis on the freedom that equality brings, “…from every mountainside, let freedom ring. . . And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men, white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Negro spiritual: Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!”

The Department of Defense is a leader in equal opportunity for all patriots seeking to serve this great nation. . . The vigilant warriors in AFGSC understand they are all equal and unified in purpose to provide a safe, secure and effective deterrent force for the United States. . .

Dr. King would be proud to see our Global Strike team – comprised of Airmen, civilians and contractors from every race, creed, background and religion – standing side-by-side ensuring the most powerful weapons in the U.S. arsenal remain the credible bedrock of our national defense. . . Our team must overlook our differences to ensure perfection as we maintain and operate our weapon systems. . . Maintaining our commitment to our Global Strike team, our families and our nation is a fitting tribute to Dr. King as we celebrate his legacy.

 

 

Click Here To Read About Global Wars Martin Luther King Might Have Supported Today If The Government Didn’t Assassinate Him

 

 

Giovanna Plowman sucks on used tampon

INTERNET–Internet ‘Geek’ culture found a young new hero Monday in Giovanna Plowman. ‘Geek’, however, is used here in an archaic sense to describe those like the painters’ caulk chugging Shoenice, who recently overdosed and died in his video titled “OVER TWO POUNDS OF RAT POISON IN UNDER THIRTY SECONDS.”

Ms. Plowman is seen in this video extricating the used feminine hygiene product from between her legs and repeatedly sucking on it while the conflicting emotions play out on her face. The joy of her imminent youtube fame, however, seems to strongly override the disgust, especially as she cranks Nicki Minaj on her smartphone.

As a dediated young ‘geek’, Ms. Plowman finished the job, sucking nearly all the blood and menstrual tissue out of her tampon.

This historic event in ‘geekdom’ has been brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Incorporated. Remember kids, once it hits youtube, your parents can’t stop it. Take your fifteen minutes of fame ON YOUR OWN TERMS!

Scientists to clone Neanderthal

Surrogate Mother Wanted
Surrogate Mother Wanted

Harvard, MA–Harvard geneticist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador is looking for a surrogate mother for the world’s first Neanderthal clone. “She needs a robust frame and a highly elastic birth canal. These Neanderthal babies are serious business!”

In his ill-lit basement lab at Harvard, Dr. Troubador hovers over a microscope, sourrounded by glowing amber jars of half-formed specimens. He speaks ceaselessly of features the surrogate mother must have, thinking not only of physiological concerns but also of the welfare of the child. “I want to test the mother, and find one with a high percentage of trace Neanderthal DNA. She needs a big face, you know, bulky eyebrows and a long nose. It’ll help her bond with the child.”

Dr. Troubador relaxes for a second, withdrawing from the microscope. He caresses a jar, and mumbles something to himself. “What was that?” I say. Inside the jar is a seemingly-humanoid fetus covered in reptilian scales.

“Nothing. A failed experiment.” He mumbles again, but I think I hear “my son.” The man’s loneliness moves me, so I put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. He begins to sob and splutter on about the features of the Neanderthal baby’s mother.

“She’d have to be so compassionate, like no one I’ve ever met. This Neanderthal baby will be the most alienated being on Earth, and I want him to have the mother he deserves, because it’s not likely he’ll have much else.” He trails off again, and I think I hear a “just like me,” somewhere. Dr. Troubador’s fiery red hair becomes obtrusive, and I cannot look away. Is this man a Neanderthal? My hand recoils from his shoulder in disgust, and he wheels around in his chair, staring me down with his robust face. He sees that I know, and seizes my shirt collar. His powerful Neanderthal hands lift me into the air. “You son of a bitch! It’s you, you fucking homo sapiens who killed my people.” His mad-scientist cackle is colored with the deep gutturals one would expect from a stocky-framed Neanderthal.

Dr. Troubador’s rage passes almost instantly, as if he suddenly remembers something more important. I am back on the ground, and he is sobbing again. “Science maintains that Neanderthals went extinct 30,000 years ago. That is not true. I was raised in a secret cave system in France, the bastard son of a human woman the brutes kept around as a rape toy. Well, they’re not really brutes, in fact they’re quite intelligent. In some ways, they’re much smarter than humans. Their views on sex aren’t very progressive, but you live in a cave with about thirty people for 30,000 years and you’ll get a little rapey too. They liked to abduct human women–it keeps the genetic diversity up. I escaped during one of their rape-raids.”

“So you’re not really trying to clone a Neanderthal. You’re just looking for a wife who can bear your child, right?”

Dr. Troubador picks up the jar with the malformed child and nods. His rage returns as quickly as it left, and he screams as he smashes the jar on the ground, covering both of us with formaldehyde and viscera. Clutching a shard of the jar in one bleeding hand, Dr. Troubador stalks towards me as I back towards the exit.

“Don’t you tell no one! No one! I’ll fucking kill you and rape your family, you fucking swine! Neanderthals will have our revenge! This is our planet!”

No being in the world is more confused than a half-Neanderthal.

BREAKING: AT&T sells Newtown phone calls to NewsCorp, say Anonymous

Rupert Murdoch's Newscorp purchased Sandyhook phone conversations for 7 million US dollars.
Rupert Murdoch’s Newscorp purchased Sandyhook phone conversations for 7 million US dollars.

NEWTOWN CT–Anonymous activists, combing through AT&T’s e-mail servers, released evidence Sunday showing that recorded phone calls of grieving Sandyhook victims and families were sold to Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp for seven million US dollars.

The recordings were released by Anonymous as proof that AT&T is selling its customers’ private data. Commander X, leader of the shadowy leaderless collective, said “I am outraged, but not surprised. Nothing they do surprises me anymore, and it only serves to justify my decision to run from the broken governments of the world. Nowhere is safe.”

Newtown “Truthers,” conspiracy theorists who believe the shooting at Sandyhook was staged by the US government, have thoroughly researched the recordings and now claim they were manufactured.

Gun control policies, rushed through state and federal legislatures, have been largely forgotten by the public in place of the gaping privacy issues exposed by Anonymous.

Lebal Drocer, Inc. Purchases Human Being

RICHMOND, VA. — “We just seen the opportunity, and I couldn’t pass it up. I had to own a slave,” said Internet Chronicle Publisher Frank Mason, speaking to clerical staff and press called to a conference at 1000 Monument Ave. With Jeff Schapiro from the Times-Dispatch busily taking notes, Mr. Mason continued, lamenting that he could only purchase a worker’s mortal flesh, “his gametes but never his soul.” He emphasized every syllable with a bang on the marble table top.

“God ain’t legalized that yet,” said Mr. Mason with a dry, wheezing laugh, before ejecting a runny stream of “baccy” from between tarred lips into a spittoon two meters away, carved apparently from a human skull.

“See that spitoon over there?” he said, gesticulating for reporters and Richmond business leaders. “That there’s a Czech. You can tell by the shape of the unity lobe.”

Editor of Chronicle.su — and lifelong friend of Mr. Mason’s — Kilgoar Trout complained that he was given no say in the matter. “Frank wanted to own a human being, he said. He said it’d make him feel powerful. It does.”

Lebal Drocer is a limited liability corporation. In God’s new America NAFTA and GATT have railroaded the communist unions that used to effectively clip and snip job creators. Those days are over. 1999 and Seattle came and went.

And they lost.

In addition to having assembled Virginia business leaders and various Saudi investors to show off what he called “his new Chinese,” Frank Mason told Internet Chronicle enthusiasts present that he was encouraging staff to obtain concealed-carry permits as soon as possible, and to fasten as many rails as possible to any “tricked-out rifles” staff might have hoarded in secret rooms in their basements. “That one’s putting a clampdown on on everything holy. Like my grandpappy used to say, Jesus won’t tolerate no clip with less capacity than days in his months,” adding, “And I ain’t talking about February!”

It was at this point that Raymond H. Boone of the Richmond Free-Press left the conference.

Editor Kilgoar Trout shared his concern that the company was moving too quickly away from the model of documenting the most frightening developments in cybersecurity and the out-of-control, privately bought-out surveillance state. “With this new venture into human trafficking,” said Mr. Trout to the publisher of Southside’s Community Weekly, “Frank’s really hijacking my religion of peace.”