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John Stoltenberg: “Andrew ‘@rabite’ Auernheimer Only Kidding; No Racist, Sexist”

John StoltenbergMuch ado has been made persecuting compassionate and considerate member of the online family Andrew Auernheimer, a playful jokester who has brought delight to the faces of millions of Internet users. Monocultural chauvinists in federal law enforcement have run wild with accusations of “computer fraud,” while confused fellow “leftists” like Raw Story Editor Emeritus Ron Brynaert have smeared Andrew with vile accusations of sexism and near-genocidal racism. All of these accusations are the exact opposite of all of Andrew Auernheimer’s opinions.

I have worked throughout my life not only for the cause of LGBTQIA rights (or QLIBTGA — there need not be any order!) but for the welfare of individuals on barest public subsistence. To me, the Stonewall Riots seem like they were only yesterday, even though my parents birthed me right as the New Deal gave hope for the first time to masses of retired individuals. I can tell you with complete certainty that the loveable Mr. Auernheimer has no predilections against people of color, against sex workers, or anyone in the greater Semitic family. By citing with pseudo-pride his European heritage, Andrew is only ironically referring us to that continent’s relatively generous and effective social safety nets.

With a wink and a smile, Andrew’s latest blog post is letting us all know that he is with us in the Great Fight against Ignorance, and that by pretending to be some sort of brown-eyed, ginger Nazi he is with us on the picket lines for the long haul. He starts off with his usual tongue-in-cheek smirk:

Several people asked if I’d go see “The Hobbit” with them. I declined in a rather cruel fashion.

See? There he goes again, letting us know explicitly that his tone is cruel. While normally I’d decline to agree with the heartless, hard-nosed associates of Forbes magazine, their take on Andrew’s humor as being intentional and sarcastic in its offensiveness is right on.

Calm down, Time’s Philip Elmer-DeWitt. Old Andrew knows the score. He’ll be with us — next to our engineer sisters with signs — the next time former Harvard President Lawrence Summers tries to tell women they’re stupid, obsequious domestic playthings.

Andrew has done as much to promote multiculturalism as Auburn University’s own Alan Gribben, when the latter published the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn NewSouth Edition, effectively cleansing the book of its pro-white, pro-death code words.

Before taking us into his snarky, actually anti-Nazi diatribe against Hollywood’s latest money-grubbing snatch into theatergoers’ pockets, Andrew claims to be for some sort of unrealistically self-sufficient Nordic life ethic. Then — and this is the really brilliant part — the satirist comes out against barest government provision for working families. To this end, he cites the original end to J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Return of the King.

In Tolkien’s version, the hobbits of the fellowship return to the Shire only to see it taken over by a snide old wizard controlling a horde of half-orcs. The hobbits do the only sensible thing that one would do when finding ones hometown infested by section 8 housing full of parasitic thugs, rapists and murderers: start a pogrom.

Did you see that? By playing on pop culture stereotypes of African-Americans as mindless killing, force-copulating machines, Andrew has held the Stormfront set slime up to the disinfectant of sunshine. Usually those Christian Identity losers are just able to keep to reinforcing each other somewhere in flyover country, or via their teledildonic message board activity.

Let me give you another example: The Tortoise and the Hare. I’m sure you were read it as a child. It always seemed to me to be an idiotic story to encourage people to slave away endlessly for a statistically impossible hope that they are somehow getting ahead.

When I finally read the real story, I knew hundreds of millions of children were being robbed.

Europe rose to power with children being read the Brothers Grimm classic, “The Hare and the Hedgehog.”

If my decades-long “Mirror Has Two Faces” marriage to acclaimed fellow feminist Andrea Dworkin taught me anything, it was how to use literary analysis to determine within seconds which males of white, Protestant descent were bigots. Through his brilliant satire — daresay his innumerable contributions to the computing community, for which he has been endlessly persecuted by our government — blessed Andrew is his generation’s Bayard Rustin, Harvey Milk and Larry Kramer, all rolled into one!

The Tortoise and the Hare actually outdates the 19th century Grimm brothers tale by thousands of years. The former tale’s place in the foundation of Old Europe, which And-and calls “the most precious thing that I hold within me,” is actually far deeper. Andrew knows well that the Tortoise story’s Greek origins place it at the crossroads of democracy’s very founding. While the Grimm tale is meant to encourage young men to put women in “their place” and to marry women who look as much like them as possible, modern anthropological biologists and Andrew understand that intelligence quotients tend to be higher in the offspring of interracial couplings. This neo-Puck has extended his hand across from the hilltops of Appalachia straight to his brothers, sisters and intersex individuals at the tippitiest-top of the ivory tower.

His wink comes when he cites the story of Prometheus, who like Aesop’s tortoise is of Greek origin. Therein Andrew’s mission to open our eyes and hearts to the plights of LGBTQIA individuals and those of color blossoms into full view. “Promethian flame is being replaced with politically corrected filth,” he writes.

So it’s with a palm to my chin, and a high-cheeked grin that I call off the misguided, if well-meaning, attack dogs at the Southern Poverty Law Center, Human Rights Campaign and Anti-Defamation League who have unfairly maligned Andrew Auernheimer. My friends, you owe him an apology. Were my lifelong friend Andrea alive, I’m sure she would wholeheartedly agree. God bless.

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NPR EXECUTIVE IMPLIES CRITICISM OF FATAH VERBOTEN

BALTIMOAR – Sunni Khalid, long-time managing editor at WYPR-FM, posted Facebook comments deemed controversial about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. NPR’s reaction to the comments would indicate the author’s remarks were at odds with core values of the radio station.

Mr. Khalid posted this on a friend’s Facebook page:

“I, for one, have had enough of this pandering before the Israeli regime . . . The war-mongering toward Iran has, once again, distracted the world from Israel’s brutal military occupation of the West Bank, East Jerusalem and the Golan Heights.”

Sunni Khalid no longer works with NPR after posting Facebook comment
Sunni Khalid, journalist and Facebook user

Tony Brandon, president of the station, seemed very interested in understanding the outlet with whom he was speaking. Due to Mr. Brandon’s apparent decision to terminate an employee for his political expression, we thought it best to go undercover, and had a reporter pose as an ordinary, concerned citizen. While transparency is ideal, Chronicle editors agreed that Mr. Brandon’s ability to formulate personnel policy might have been jeopardized by specific, powerful political interests, rather than vague ideas outlined on a generic policy page.

What began as a call of a concerned citizen eventually yielded Mr. Brandon’s claimed deference to NPR guidelines, which have seen the termination of Washington-based employees for attending Daily Show host Jon Stewart’s 2010 Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

Mr. Brandon declined to answer a direct question as to whether criticism of West Bank-dominant Palestinian political party, Fatah, would engender a termination of Mr. Khalid, whose gender a Chronicle reporter was unaware, due to his completely politically correct, gender-blind sensibilities; in addition to utter ignorance of different cultures.

Listen, in real time, as Tony Brandon, President and General Manager of NPR Baltimore dodges a question of ethics:
[audio:https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/LS1101261.mp3|titles=Sunni Khalid inquiry to Tony Brandon of NPR by Tyler Bass]

“Damn kids and their questions without answers! When will they learn to consult our policy first!?”

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The Only True Conspiracy Theory

America now sees what the businessmen who financed the Tea Party intended: Dressed in powdered wigs and wearing red makeup that is actually gore, the Tea Party is shoveling babies into the ocean with pitchforks. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is gagging Lady Liberty with her gigantic strap-on while trying to save face by praising Al-Jazeera and Internet Freedom. Not only that, but the orchestra masters behind all this have invented some wacky ideas about 9/11 just to throw you off their trail. Why else would 9/11 theories be aired constantly on the “History” channel?

The Fascist plot for dominating America is now quite clear. The super rich have found the most extreme elements of the Republican Party and have created an Ultra-Nationalist cult promising Utopia. Their colluding counterparts on the Left have made a move to destroy the freedom of the press. They are in the midst of creating an information crisis that will be used to destroy all that is good about the internet. An overarching conspiracy by mega-rich Oligarchs who pull the strings is not just apparent, but glaringly and painfully obvious.

The Tea Party cult worships our founding fathers, mythical men who heroically wasted tea while badly costumed as Indians. They’ve been convinced by conniving liars that one day if they all work hard enough, America will still be the richest nation in the world and all the Mexicans will be gone. Well, to be fair, even the original Tea Party was a bunch of racists.

The Tea Party, these cult members, have been bused all over America to protest everything Barack Hussein Obama has done to hurt big business. The television airs the people waving signs, screaming out the trigger phrases, sending weak minds into conniptions of fear and hate followed by selfish pride and contempt. Off camera, among themselves, they foam at the mouth with racial epithets and theories about where Hussein was really born and the missing time when he secretly took his pilgrimage to Mecca.

Using this protest-propaganda hybrid, the ultra rich have planted puppets in many State Governments and are now doing loss management to help keep corporate profits increasing. The puppet Governors have created a false budget crisis. They repeat the bald lie that increasing taxes on corporations and the mega rich could only exacerbate economic problems. Such a lie is so base and ultimately pernicious that Tea Party government is in breach of its social contract. According to our founding fathers, this requires revolutionary action.

Wisconsin has denied collective bargaining rights to teachers and the Governor of Michigan has granted himself Hitler-like emergency powers to do whatever the fuck he wants. Hitler will fire elected officials and disband unions. Similar things are happening everywhere that the Tea Party has taken hold. Even the NFL is in the grips of this anti-union conspiracy.

But do not forget that this is not a conspiracy by a single party. Both the Republican and Democratic sides are being used by the mega rich Oligarchs to destroy American Liberty. Hillary Clinton uses her forked tongue to criminalize investigative journalism while praising the benefits of Internet Freedom. WikiLeaks and the script kiddies of Anonymous have been demonized by traditional left leaning media. These investigative journalists and activists of cyberspace have become too powerful too soon. The Hegemony is working on manufacturing a large enough crisis so that they can crack down and do as much damage to free speech as possible.

Obama should be the most ashamed man on the face of the Earth. Right now he is sitting in his testicle shaped office gently stroking his hard-won Nobel Peace Prize and trying to forget about all the death he owns in Afghanistan. He reminisces on when he authorized the torture of Bradley Manning in Quantico but doesn’t recall any promise to shut down Gitmo. The golden relief of Alfred Nobel stares back indifferently. By now, the world knows who made sure Obama won the prize. It’s a “nuke the world with impunity” badge. Obama is licensed to genocide.

The safeguards provided by the Constitution for the right to protest and the right to free press have been trampled upon by both the Right and the Left. They will crack down in Wisconsin and the protests will only grow exponentially. America will respond to its people like Libya did. The United States government has failed to preempt the effect of the internet and are now forced into a reactionary stance that is bound to fail.The Tea Party will be buried under the throngs of true protesters demanding liberty instead of politics. They will elect no more tyrants. Information will outlive Bradley Manning and Julian Assange.

America will renew its social contract with government by force if necessary!