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Hate News

Th3j35t3r’s lie

Feels bad, man

On Sunday, Chronicle.SU was attacked by th3j35t3r, noteworthy Anonymous pedophile. On Wednesday, Chronicle.SU rose from the dead – kind of like Jesus over there, except this really happened. Now, while th3j35t3r is carrying out yet more superficial attacks on WikiLeaks, we’d like to share with the world exactly how petty and powerless this “jester” character really is. Read on, citizen.

During our outage, sockpuppets for th3j35t3r claimed that we had not, in fact, been attacked. They demanded our former host force the removal of any and all references to th3j35t3r and assumed that is what actually happened. Actually, our host refused. But when the Chronicle went down from th3j35t3r’s subsequent attack, his child porn ring claimed victory because they’re really just that dumb.

The real attack, a distributed denial of service,  proved that a traditional botnet is a functional part of th3j35t3r’s arsenal. We reported accusations of th3j35t3r violating children – and the computers of children – which provoked him to flat out attack us. He attacked us because it was true and we are a threat to him. We are a threat to his pedophilia. He stated several times that he didn’t attack us, and that he didn’t use a botnet. He lied.

Isn't she just so damn sexy?

Th3j35t3r commits libel as routine, d0xing anyone who looks like they might be LulzSec, peace be with them. He d0xed us, implying that we should fear the consequences of exercising the freedom of speech. Implying that we are criminals, for speaking the truth.

He abuses the infrastructure of the internet and breaks the law for personal glory and fame. He’s not helping anyone out, and especially not soldiers at war.

What kind of sheltered first world dildo would believe that th3j35t3r’s attacks are demoralizing or debilitating terrorists? More to the point, what kind of terrorist sits at his computer, trying to refresh some fucking forum before he goes out to kill infidels? “Gotta Jihad but first f5 to make sure we’re still game.” The same kind of terrorist who sits in Northern Virginia eating Hot Pockets refreshing 4chan, discussing the same old revolutionary bullshit that’ll never happen. Noko! 404.

Th3j35t3r is all misdirection. He’s a living lie, if you can call that living. Every time we’ve called him on his lies, he’s doubled down and socks a threat or five, claiming that each one is the “first and last” – retweeting his own faildox to a miserly 300 views. This internet try-hard has no power he doesn’t fake or take. That is, none of it is earned anymore than you earned access to the Chronicle.SU today.

Hey jesterfag, you just lost the game. Or, has the game lost you? Since reporting on th3j35t3r, the Chronicle.SU has enjoyed no increase in traffic although we did pick up seven Twitter followers – or 700% of living, breathing followers who know what “th3j35t3r” is. If there is anything to be learned from our coverage of the declining child pornographer and pseudo-hacker (scriptkiddie), it is this: The Jester is officially completely utterly irrelevant.

JesterAttacksChronicle320 by ChronicleSU

On the phone: James K. Galloway

James K. Galloway
Yep, James K. Galloway is Old Brutus. So what?

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Hate Trolling

If you’re going to make up fake d0x…

Thursday, th3j35t3r decided to reveal what a truly pitiful charlatan he is. In d0xing the Chronicle, th3j35t3r was so incredibly full of fail that I actually felt embarrassed for him. Although most of us write under pseudonyms here at the Chronicle, we do not attempt to conceal our identity like th3j35t3r because we aren’t criminals. There’s really no point in d0xing us, except perhaps as part of a veiled threat. And we do not fear th3j35t3r.

A mouth-breathing little twerp could figure out who we are just by looking around the site a little. In fact, it’s happened before. Skiddie fanboys of Anonymous repeatedly published the name of one of our former writers with no good reason. In response to their stupidity, I anonymously posted my own fabricated d0x on AnonNews and fooled the hivemind completely. Every time I insulted Anonymous, they posted the d0x and I laughed at their gullibility. It is well documented that I created those d0x as a joke, and th3j35t3r published them anyway, unwittingly trolling himself into oblivion. He is less skilled than the average rage-filled teenybopper Anon.

I am better at d0xing myself than th3j35t3r is.

If that wasn’t stupid enough, th3j35t3r also published the information of innocent people to maintain his increasingly fragile pretense of skilled hacktivism. Niall Coffey has never written an article for us, and Alexi Halloway is just a random Facebook fan. Oh noez! Th3j35t3r has revealed the secret identities of the first few people who liked the Chronicle on Facebook. What an elite hacker! 

Th3j35t3r is unable to strike at Chronicle.SU in any meaningful way, so he’s become desperate to protect his ego. He tattled on us to Blue Host and complained about how we’ve violated the terms of service. What a motherfucking elite hacker!

The d0xing and the snitching have had no effect on the Glorious Chronicle, as th3j35t3r can’t harm us in any way. If he had any fans, we might be concerned, but apparently he has only two or three.

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Hate

TH3J35T3R is Completely Irrelevant

th3j35t3r is a weak, impotent jingoist bitch.

Lacking the necessary skills required to hack and deface the glorious and infallible Chronicle.SU, th3j35t3r resorted to snitching to our web host’s Twitter account, thinking they would share her butthurt after we reported what an impotent dick she is. Nice “hacking” Jester.

The Jester is only capable of attacking outmoded Apache servers based in the Third World. This is why she carved a niche attacking Jihadist websites. Because Islamic extremists hate technology, they don’t even use websites, but they know a guy who, for a wheelbarrow of opium, will throw something together on Apache 1.0.

The Jester attacks these sites using XerXes, some piece of shit offshoot of a real program called SlowLoris, which requires no computer skills and only a basic knowledge of websites to operate. XerXes is so easy, a caveman could abuse it.

XerXes just serves to provide the Jester with a lame hobby – some superficial claim to fame that, in a best case scenario, might get that pussy wet if she knows how to brag to drunk easy kills at the nearby drunkhouse. But we have it on good faith that, contrary to popular belief she is a female, the Jester is a bald middle-aged male who masturbates to child porn on the darknet. However, the presumption that th3j35t3r possesses the technological prowess to navigate the darknet is far-fetched.

The Jester is not helping anybody. He’s only hurting people. If this is funny, then you are a dick, like the Jester. Which is totally cool, but still. You’re a dick. And The Jester is a narc.