Categories
Entertainment Obituaries

Michael Jackson lives on, struggling against the Illuminati

[pullquote]”When the news said Michael died I instantly wanted to figure out what happened, because instinctively I thought of the Illuminati first.”[/pullquote]Strong evidence unearthed by death hoax investigators at Michael Jackson Hoax Forum suggests that Michael Jackson is actually alive, using his faked death as a way to continue his struggle against the Illuminati. Some skeptics have suggested that Jackson is actually dead at the hands of his worst enemies. “Michael Jackson really pissed of the Illuminati so they killed him… and are now creating all these fake clues so that Michael Jackson fans believe he is alive and hence do not seek justice for him being murdered.”

Michael Jackson has possibly been dropping clues to his fans on the official Michael Jackson Community Forum Web Site under the username ‘back since 2005. Some skeptics have argued that ‘back’ is actually not Michael Jackson himself, but possibly someone who is “in the know.” However, Jackson definitely appeared on Larry King Live, shortly after his death, disguised as burn victim Dave Dave.

“Hoaxers,” as believers of the Michael Jackson death hoax like to be called,  are often threatened and misled by a shadowy force that is most likely the Illuminati. There is wide consensus that Jackson has extensively used at least three body doubles in order to throw off the New World Order.

What Hoaxers need to come to grips with is that the Illuminati has the means, motives, and methods available to completely control Michael Jackson. 2012 is sure to be a remarkable year, and some Hoaxers believe that Jackson will return as a messianic figurehead for the Illuminati’s new religion, setting the stage for the New World Order.

All these subtle clues and hints from the Illuminati are all a part of a cruel jest. “The Illuminati like playing games – remember that – that is why the illuminati symbolism appears in every mainstream music video.”

 

Categories
Obituaries

Akon Dead at 38

Akon, 38, died in his Atlanta home November 20, 2011.
Akon, 38, died in his Atlanta home November 20, 2011.

Atlanta– Fans mourn the loss of Aliaune Damala Badara Thiam, the artist better known by the name ‘Akon,’ who died early Sunday morning at his home in Atlanta.

Akon was pronounced dead at 3:48 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. He was 38.

Akon is survived by three ex-wives and six children.

Because no will was entered into the public record, Akon’s charity for underprivileged children in Africa, the Konfidence Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to DR (Congo) for future disbursement to nobody in particular.

Akon suffered in the wake of an incident at a 2007 concert in Trinidad and Tobago during which he simulated a sexual act onstage with a 15-year-old girl. When Akon realized what was happening, he instinctively “finished,” and left the girl onstage to deal with their imaginary pregnancy alone, in a puddle of shame and booming bass rhythms.

Categories
News Obituaries

Totallyfalse.info Leader “Done In”

totallyfalse.infoLadies and Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that our dear compatriot Nick Maccombs of the totallyfalse.info has abandoned helm of the fine publication totallyfalse.info.

It is my regret to inform you all Maccombs suffers from Parkinson’s disease, which is no laughing matter. Additionally, he has finally succumbed to a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Nurses close to the editor said he’s “all fucked up” and “pretty much done in.” Nick has forgotten his passwords to everything, and is no longer capable of going online.

It is with great pleasure I announce chronicle.su hereby reserves the right to the Maccombs estate, including the domain totallyfalse.info, as relinquished upon apprenticeship to Lebal Drocer, Inc. and her subsidiaries – [outlined in the Legal section of this site.] This includes all intellectual property rights and access to personal finances.

Let us pray:

Dear Lord, we ask that you protect Maccombs on his holy quest. We ask that you make all the dinosaur bones go away, so that people will stop pointing to Nick as proof of your nonexistence, Dear Lord.

As I walk through /b/ in the shadow of death, I need do no evil, for you are with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort and pleasure me.

Amen.

Amen.

All rise.

Except you, Nick.

Rest in Peace.

This message brought to you infinitely by Lebal Drocer, Inc.