Internet ChronicleA close look at celebrity corruption.
“Do you know what’s going on in our country?” asked 20-year-old fagatronic nimrod Dale Shelton of Roanoke, Va.
Shelton said he is fed up with the direction American politics are heading. He said the decisions being made at the top affect everyone, including children.
“They’re raping our rights,” Shelton said, “like we raped the lands of the Native American Indian Redskin Savages.”
Shelton was later discovered to be a rapist with no actual opinions about anything.
Get it together, Shelton.
BOSTON — 9/11 fans rejoiced Thursday after Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was arrested by thousands of paramilitary police units which stormed through nearly 10,000 houses in Watertown, systematically invading every home in the area.
Citizens lauded the merciless efficiency and overwhelming numbers of police who found Tsarnaev critically injured and hiding in a boat.
Eagerly jacked into the story developments on corporate-controlled television media, Twitter, Facebook, and in many cases in real life, Redditors ate junk food and excitedly watched police storm through their houses.
A collective sigh of relief echoed through the Twittersphere when the police announced, “CAPTURED!!! The hunt is over. The search is done. The terror is over. And justice has won. Suspect in custody.” Exuberant families ran into the streets chanting, “U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!”
Police photographers captured the barbarian’s arrest and tweeted it to their quivering, orgasmic fans in real time.
Under the moniker @th3j35t3r, a little-known Twitter account, Tom Ryan of Provide Security is currently gearing up for cyber war with North Korea, Anonymous in tow.
After a series of test runs against mom-and-pop DPRK websites, we see Tom Ryan, aka John Tiessen, as possessing the ability to completely cripple the entire infrastructure of North Korea’s Internets. While working with OWASP on Web app exploitation, in the mid ’90’s Ryan developed — with the help of a DARPA contract and Adrian Lamo — a tool known only as XerXes, which sends “packets” to a given “serve,”, causing it to go offline temporarily. Some say it was also developed to really annoy Ron Brynaert.
This method, while not new, is very new and effective. The source code of XerXes has been hidden from the world for over two decades and far surpasses everything from WinNuke to LOIC/HOIC.
So is this a military operation? Is this what the NSA has been planning for years, General Keith Alexander at the helm? Or is this just a completely superfluous news article about something so utterly boring no one is reading?
We asked #hatesec’s Chairman of the Board Kevin Eubanks for comment, but all we got were some fucking lame jazz fusion licks instead.