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Politics новости

Mitt Romney declares himself “too evil to lose” Michigan primary

Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney asks the niggers to please settle down.

Detroit–Mitt Romney on Friday declared himself the Republican presidential candidate with “the only chance” to defeat President Barack Obama as he seized on signs that rival Rick Santorum’s Michigan campaign is stained with relevant Google search results.

Romney vowed to bring fundamental change to rebuild the U.S. economy with bake sales, a message he hopes will help him make a comeback in the hard-hit state where he spawned from a pool of genetic material, and where Santorum is threatening to harm himself in lieu of opinion polls.

Romney told members of the Detroit Economic Club that if elected he would seek lower taxes for the rich, deep social program cuts, defecit inflation and union busting which taken together would spur a burst in profits for the top one percent.

He spoke from atop a pile of women – all his wives – on the Detroit Lions’ Ford Field, with the crowd, mostly men in suits, seated in recliners set up on the artificial turf. It was an odd choice of venue as the huge stadium could barely accomodate all the greed present.

“I’m not promising that every day will be easy, or there won’t be sacrifice. But I am promising that every day I will destroy your faith in the presidential office,” Romney said.

Romney said he has the best chance among Republicans in what he acknowledged would be a difficult battle to topple Dictator Barack Hussein Obama, who not only has the advantages of incumbency but has a well-funded gestapo capable of detaining opposition leaders indefinitely without trial or due process.

“I not only think I have the best chance – I think I have the only chance,” he said. “Do you see anyone else as evil as I am running for office?”

Michigan and Arizona are the next battlegrounds in the state-by-state fight to pick a challenger to Obama in the November 6 general election. They hold crucial nominating contests next Tuesday and will lay the foundation for the 10 states that vote on “Super Tuesday” March 6 to determine which contenders will fight to the death on Pay-Per-View, pushing the limits of American bloodlust.

Michigan’s widely watched Mitchell/Rosetta Stone poll showed Romney inching ahead of Santorum with 36 percent support to Santorum’s 33 percent. Santorum had recently held a double-digit lead in the state in polls before news surfaced that he may not be corrupt enough to be President.

While the Romney campaign argues he could survive a loss in Michigan, Romney is desperate to avoid another embarrassment in the state where his father was a popular corporate sell-out.

In his speech, he emphasized his Michigan roots and love for American-made cars produced by the state’s car industry, pointing out he drives a Ford Mustang and Chevrolet pick-up truck and wife Ann “drives two Cadillacs, actually,” making everyone around him feel poor as shit.

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News Politics

Andrew Breitbart rape victim speaks out

INTERNET- Andrew Breitbart’s recent tirade at an Occupy event drew sharp criticism from feminists who found his repeated accusations of rape profoundly distasteful. In the video, which has gone viral, Breitbart repeatedly called the protesters freaks, animals, rapists, and demanded that the Occupiers learn to behave.

Friday, an anonymous source contacted Internet Chronicle staff and made a shocking revelation about an incident decades ago in which she claims Breitbart technically raped her. The source stated the incident was more of an alcohol-fueled “soft rape,” which she simply didn’t remember. “I woke up after a night of drinking with Breitbart only to find my tampon jammed uncomfortably deep and soaked with semen.”

This event was very difficult for our source to retell, and the emotional damage Andrew Breitbart’s rape did to this poor woman must have been life-shattering. “Breitbart has been in my nightmares ever since the rape night. My life has never been the same, and I have grown to fear all men, and I constantly imagine them raping me, with Andrew Breitbart’s reddened, angry face hovering over me.”

Breitbart has avoided a slander suit probably because it’s not illegal to spread lies about vast swathes of people who are only united by ideas. Our anonymous rape victim said, in an all-too-perfect conclusion to this article, “It’s like, he’s going around calling this group of people all rapists, which is totally unfair, and I mean, years ago this man raped me and my whole life was ruined. I had to finally face my fears, because I just want people to know what kind of a man is accusing the Occupy movement of mass-rape.”

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Editorial Law

Was there a 9/11 on the Internet I didn’t hear about?

THATS JUST LIKE THE 9/11 OF THE INTERNETAnd did the Jews do this one, too?

Ask Robert Mueller, Director of the FBI, and he’ll tell you government agencies need to change their organizational structure “in the same ways we changed to address terrorism.”

Mueller then said intelligence agencies “have to share information” just as “we had to share intelligence in the wake of September 11th…we have to build up the collective addressing of that threat, in the same way that we did so and broke down the walls in the wake of September 11th.”

In retaliation for the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center, indefinite detentions became commonplace as American leaders ordered outright assassination of American citizens. In other cases, innocent people are still being held against their will on mere suspicion. So what will the undoubtedly heavy handed response be to the forthcoming “9/11 of the Internet?” And will it, too, be a false flag operation committed by the Jews to make people believe it was an inside job?

I really want to help Robert Mueller make everyone safer. My only wish is that he could have taken our freedoms before we ever had them. But there is only 200 years of law obstructing true justice, and hell, we’ve overturned older civil rights laws than that!

EDITOR’S NOTE (WTF EDITION):

CBS “News” bragged in an article  about CBS Justice and Homeland Security Correspondent (in other words, Staff Propagandist) Bob Orr’s Christmas day “prediction” that problems relating to cybersecurity will match the severity of “terrorism,” and that we’re “long overdue” for an act of cyberterrorism against infrastructure. The fact that “cyberterrorism” can only occur through infrastructure notwithstanding, why is CBS patting themselves on the back for predicting changes they played a role in creating?

“We’re CBS Fucking News! We either set the agenda, or report the plans already beset by the Overlord. You decide!”

UPDATE: And why do you need to rearrange the FBI when your current practices are catching the “cyberterrorists” just fine?