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Dox Fly in Wicked Clown Hacker Battle

Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!
Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!

INTERNET — Dox flew, Monday evening, as Wicked Clown hacker ShadowDXS found himself in an Internet feud against fellow Juggalo hacker “th3j35t3r.” ShadowDXS, known for elite smartphone interfaces, lambasted self-proclaimed patriot th3j35t3r (hacker speak for “The Jester”).

The Jester’s laptop — emblazoned with the ‘hatchet man’ logo of Insane Clown Posse — is on display at the the Spy Museum in Washington D.C. The Jester used this laptop to shut down terrorist web sites, saving countless American lives.

Many outside of the Juggalo family stigmatize and devalue the Faygo-drinking subculture – including the FBI – who recently declared Juggalos a “gang.” However, expert and cultural anthropolgist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has lived with Juggalos for years, studying their habits and mimicking their behaviors, dismissed the “dumb juggalo” stereotype. “I’ve met Juggalos who are doctors, businessmen, CEO’s of major corporations,” Troubadour explained. “Met a rocket scientist at the gathering last year! Woop Woop! So it doesn’t surprise me at all that Juggalos are some of the world’s most elite and skilled hackers.”[pullquote]What both parties refuse to acknowledge, however, is that none of this shit matters.[/pullquote]

Hacker feuds such as the one between ShadowDXS and The Jester often lead to the posting of supposed “dox” or information on the hidden secret identity of the hacker. Monday evening’s feud is no different. The Jester publicly announced the new home address and significant other to ShadowDXS, at which point Shadow alluded to the supposed weaknesses of Jester’s SSH keys.

According to Erica Moorehead, chief editor of Juggalette (a juggalo magazine for women), it is fabled that “Anonymous” got the idea to cover their faces with masks from the Insane Clown Posse.

“Both groups maintain anti-establishment personas while advancing pro-Christian agendas,” Moorehead said. “Both groups carry the burden of many public failures, yet they are adored by the masses. Many juggalos say they feel persecuted. Most hackers agree there is a system of persecution in place, designed to destroy them from the inside out. In short, there is a lot of intersectionality between Anonymous and Juggalo culture.”

Moorehead added, “Many hackers fail to respect basic tenets of life in a society – discounting the virtues of interpersonal interaction, common decency and even bathing. It is the system holding them back,” she said, “because they don’t respect the system, and it seems some of them can find that anchor in The Family.”

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HAARP and Chemtrail geoengineering systems "Protect America's Climate," says Obama

President Obama held a press release which denied Snowden's accusation that the US was engaging in chemtrail and HAARP activity to the detriment of other parts of the world.
President Obama held a press release which denied Snowden’s accusation that the US was engaging in chemtrail and HAARP activity to the detriment of the climate in other parts of the world.

WASHINGTON — Recent revelations from Snowden outlined a complex cloud weather modification project carried out by the classified High Altitude Auroral Research Project (HAARP) and the Jet Fuel Cloud Seeding Program (JFCSP) commonly known as Chemtrails. Wednesday, President Obama stunned the public in a press release admitting to decades of classified weather modification by the United States and promised to establish a permanent international independent oversight committee.

President Obama shocked the world with candid words, “Hundreds of countries are carrying out weather modification programs, and we’re doing it better than any of them. However, this has been secret for too long. The American People need to know about what we do to make sure our children have something to eat each and every year. It’s true we need more oversight for geoengineering projects, so I’ve signed an executive order establishing an international third party oversight group to not only investigate for abuse but also to keep the public informed about new and existing geoengineering programs.”

President Obama addressed the tough topic head-on, building a strong case for the weather modification programs while refuting concerns from activists, saying, “Geoengineering is necessary for our country’s agricultural industries and keeps millions of Americans employed every year. Our efforts in high altitude microwave technology at HAARP combined with the innovations in cloud seeding technology introduced by the jet fuel industry gives the American People a level of control over the elements unprecedented in the history of mankind. American Scientists are quickly approaching capabilities which will not only curb global climate change, but also to put an end to disastrous hurricanes and typhoons. For decades these programs have been kept secret out of concern for national security, but I have decided there is no need to keep this program a secret. Sensational reports that the United States will exist in a ‘bubble’ as the rest of the world heats up uncontrollably have no basis in scientific fact.”

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UFO steals Plymouth Rock

Aliens encircled Plymouth Rock on Tuesday
Aliens encircled and stole Plymouth Rock on Tuesday

BOSTON — Tuesday, hundreds of residents saw a glowing halo of yellow light float over Cape Cod before descending and encircling the monument in Pilgrim State Park at the site of Plymouth Rock. In an “incredible flash,” witnesses then saw the light disappear “into the stars,” and found Plymouth Rock missing from its rightful place. Nothing was left but a white residue that scientists are still analyzing.

Hank Wellsworth, head of the State Park’s custodial staff, witnessed the strange event from just outside the monument and tearfully told reporters, “They’re jealous of our great nation, and like us they know the end is coming for this planet, so they took the one thing that means the most to us.”

More skeptical witnesses were baffled and refused to comment, but President Obama ordered increased guard over other national treasures from the Liberty Bell to Ernest Hemingway’s polydactyl cats. The president also increased Air Force patrols of American air space and elevated the terror threat level to maximum. At an emergency press conference, White House Press Secretary Jay Carny told terrified reporters, “We’re not sure it was an alien attack, but the capabilities displayed by the lights and analysis of radar data points towards a military power thousands of years advanced beyond anything previously known.”