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Editorial Technology Uncontrollable Patriotism

The USA is a Binary nation-state

[Editor’s note: Okay, alright now we are going to write this. I smoked a big old fat thing of weed and now we are going to write an article about]

The state of our world

…digital and otherwise – assuming there’s a difference (based on a paper forwarded to me by Kilgoar, I unconsciously pore over the definition of reality. The paper – originally published in a scientific journal, but now Aaron Swarz’d on this subversive website – stipulated that substantial evidence “exists” to suggest reality as we know it is a computer simulation.

The cat pictured is exhibiting extra-binary political analysis.
The cat pictured above is exhibiting extra-binary political analysis.

Let’s just say for a second that we do live in a computer simulation designed to reproduce (or produce for the very first time) each facet of our existence – from the evolution of the single-celled organism to mankind, or from illiteracy to telekinesis. Let’s assume that every instance of reality exists not only in probability but in practicality. If we are part of “one” simulation then we may infer there possibly could be many others. Perhaps these alternate realities play out in widening variations – even to the extent we no longer recognize existence in its many otherworldly iterations.

Or let’s just say that’s all bullshit. Either way, does a two-party system actually reflect the needs of mankind?

Even fucking binary code “needs” more than 1′s and 0′s to function. Binary needs a processor.

Our false-binary political system does not allow us to recognize what goes on outside that vote – or that the government itself is a sort of processor, and not the result of voting itself. The processor is designed for certain purposes; all of them acted out, at its most basic level, in binary. And that is how America votes (and the results are menacingly consistent). Republican or Democrat, “left” or “right,” this one or that one, the lesser of two evils, and so on … it is by design that these are our choices.

It is of the utmost importance that we question, at every opportunity, what “reality” is, or is not.

To be, or not to be, that is the question—

This is a classic example of pre-computer false binary. I would have sailed out across God’s green ocean, and to hell with revenge and the idolization of one’s enemies.

http://youtu.be/h7TgTb_0wsg

But Prince Hamlet let himself get wrapped up in the binary when he should have been thinking about wrecking the processors. If you don’t like what your Pentium IV from 1999 is doing, then you don’t delete out a line of code. You replace that motherfucker. I’m talking about a processor revolution, and people don’t think like that. We are taught to think in binary. Yes and no.

So what if you KNEW “everything” was a computer simulation. Wouldn’t you want to play in it? Wouldn’t you be interested in seeing what it can do? Or does being a process relegate us to certain behaviors, certain parameters – certain “rules.” Maybe, right? But isn’t it worth a try?

#replaceallprocessors

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Reviews

Soda Shaq Review Part III – MAN DRINKS WHOLE CAN

INTERNET — Old Brutus from chronicle.su Lebal Drocer, Inc. Hate Radio® brings you the sharpest, most scathing review to date of the “vanilla cream” variant of Soda Shaq. Old Brutus® describes Soda Shaq as “a nutritious, all natural health soda offered exclusively by white-owned 7-Eleven® stores.”

Old Brutus said he would like to remind his viewers that he is in no way affiliated with the Internet at large, and added that he thinks the Web is little more than an instrument of terror used by the United States Government to instill fear into the hearts of dissident authors.

“The Internet, and that whole thing, I don’t know, man,” Old Brutus® explained. “Once you really think about it, it’s all the same, real life and the Internet,  except in real life dissent has far fewer consequences.”

In his third and possibly final review of Soda Shaq, Old Brutus again invoked the spirit of – and infringed upon the copyright to – Joey’s World Tour to bring the sale home to the gang®.

This review is wholeheartedly endorsed by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.

Go out and getcha sum, gang.

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Politics Reviews

SEXISM WEEKLY

Michelle Bachmann - Newsweek's Queen of RageThe Lesbians are pissed:

Washington — Newsweek magazine published an article Tuesday featuring on the cover well known Presidential candidate hopeful Michele Bachmann, enraged wife of homosexual Marcus Bachmann.

What is also well known about Bachmann is that bitch is crazy, but Newsweek was able to capture the crazy like none before them.

Her eyes pierce the atheist inside of us all, even the Christians, as they seem to embody Beelzubub himself. Sounds like the Chronicle just trying to be funny right? Look for yourself, and leave a comment as to what you think the stare means. [Be sure to tell them the Chronicle.SU sent you unthinking drones to express our enlightened opinion!]

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, the eyes are not her only disturbing feature. Her main selling point is the unsettling smile that appears to have been shot onto her face by a high-powered shotgun and seems to say, “I’m smiling because I need your votes, love me America!” To ice this cake of awesomeness and further troll Republican candidate hopeful Bachmann, Newsweek titled her article “Queen of  Rage.”

Some critics, including the prestigious and well-respected National Organization for Women refer to the picture as sexist – saying it’s either too feminine, or not feminine enough. Now I can’t quite put my finger on what the lesbian club means by “sexist.” It’s a headshot for Christ’s science’s sake. According to the lesbians, however, they used a complicated scientific procedure to assure accuracy simple test to draw such a rash conclusion: ‘would they do the same to a man?’

Terry O’neil, President of the Lesbians and overly loud spokeswoman asked, “Who has ever called a man the king of rage?” Good question, right? Wrong. Calling a man King of anything is not only true, but threatens to boost his ego to Kanye West proportions. Yo Neil, Ima let you finish but your argument is busted.

O’neil continued – for some reason – adding, “The ‘Queen of Rage’ is something you apply to wrestlers or someone who is crazy…” Well Miss O’neil, Michele Bachmann is crazy, and a wrestler at that. Her husband is crazy as well. Fabulously crazy. Anything else, sugartits? Of course! Women love to talk.

The lesbian just kept on bitching. “Good women will not run for office if Newsweek magazine can do this to such a prominent politician and get away with it,” she complained. Ah, the world may end if no women run for office, you have a point. Without women, our political system would get nothing accomplished.

Important figureheads would have nobody to file their paperwork, no one to scream at or belittle in the presence of foreign dignitaries – and without immediate relief in the form of blowjobs, who knows what ill fate might possibly befall this great nation?

Other conversative critics, such as FOX news and Andrew Brietbart, are blasting Newsweek for their supposedly negative portrayal of Presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann, stating Newsweek has been bashing convervatives for years.
But Newsweek’s editors shot back in a press statement that read:

“You spend all this money and time making people famous first, before you even realize how fucking stupid they are. And then when the world begins to realize they’re diabolically insane, you blame the media for how they look. Mother of God. You should have seen her before we Photoshopped that cover page. Over half of our graphic design team is still out on sick leave. Also: seriously, lesbians?”

The un-doctored photograph of Michelle Bachmann
Actual, un-doctored photograph of Michelle Bachmann