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Politics World

The President is a terrorist

President BarryBULLETIN: U.S. PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, MADE FAMOUS AFTER ESCALATING THE WAR OF TERROR AND BOMBING INNOCENT PEOPLE, IS MORE THAN A VIOLENT TERRORIST – HE IS AN INFORMATION TERRORIST!

BEWARE

Like Bradley Manning, Barack Obama privately lacks respect for the privacy of private communications sent to others in the private sector.

“It’s disgusting,” said Jeannette Benning, a Roanoke, Virginia stay-at-home mother.

“It’s un-American!” exclaimed a Dallas little league soccer coach whose court order relating to Penn State’s Men’s Football Coach Jerry Sandusky stipulates he must remain child-rapingly anonymous, or face punishment for being a dirty little sissy boy. Dirty, dirty boy!

Bush is now among the private sector
Bush is now among the private sector - click to enlarge, unless of course you're a faggot, in which case you can go join the military.

NOW FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR:

GO TO WAR, KILL WOMEN AND CHILDREN

LEBAL DROCER, INC.

According to anonymous insiders, President Hussein has reportedly abused his already heightened abuse privileges to abusively abuse his power to spy on George “Dubya” Bush Jr. – better known by young voters as “the one who fucked up double bad.”

“He dun goofed,” reported Senator Jay Walker “Face” McFakename III on the President’s recent crimes against all that is good.

The President is likely to start DDoSing opposition websites of Senator Mitt Romney as a result of irrational fears there are actually people who might vote for him.

President Obama is “single-handedly” combing through every confiscated email account for instances of his precious Name.

At chronicle.su we show no bias – We are an equal-opportunity social pariah – and are therefore compelled to run multiple advertisements to highest bidders, like Taco Bell, and State Farm, and proponents of abortion and Christian domination over all religions – at the same time.

NOW FOR A VERY SPECIAL MESSAGE OF HYPER-IMPORTANCE THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU’VE NEVER SEEN

FELLOW TERRORISTS! HELP THE WHITE HOUSE TERRORIZE AMERICAN CITIZENS TODAY! STARTING IN KENTUCKY. ENDING AT YOUR RANCID, UNAMERICAN COMPUTER.

LEBAL DROCER, INC.

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Categories
Entertainment Trolling

“Russian” Skywalking trend turns deadly

This ain't Cloud City, Luke.

Wednsday night, five teenagers fell to their death in the Chernobyl exclusion zone while attempting to take “Skywalking” photographs. A sudden gust of wind swept them off their incredibly unstable perches and all the teens died without even getting their 15 femtoseconds of precious Internet fame.

A quickly growing “Mothers Against Skywalking” group has formed on Facebook, demanding that “Skywalking” be outlawed. Police have stepped up patrols around popular Skywalking locations, arresting teenagers just for loitering nearby.

The recent “extreme planking” meme continues to produce fatalities, and the rise in “Skywalking” popularity will only mean more meme-deaths. Parents are advised to educate their children about the pointlessness of internet fame.

Areas strongly affected by radiation have seen a surge in erratic and self-destructive internet attention-seeking behavior, as reported last year in the wake of the Fukushima disaster.

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News

Geo quits again

THE INTERNET – Geo’s newest Chronicle Career took a turn for the worst Saturday after the 17-year-old PS3 addicted college dropout decided once and for all, again, that his beloved Internet newspaper has gone astray.

“I thought you guys were back on the right track after [redacted]’s article about [redacted], but with every celebrity death hoax you spawn out of boredom, my faith in you is just a little bit more eroded.”

Let me show you how it’s done:

[chronicle.su article by geo himself]

Up and coming stoner critic salutes self righteous indignation

I’m geohotz. Anonymous hacked Sony and later, the government. I think they are onto us, by the way dude, just to let you know. Smoke weed erryday niqqas you kno how I do, keyboard warriors represent 2012.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: this is actual copy written by Geo] when i first stumbled upon this site thanks to the hacking of the playstation network, i thought i had found a group of people with similar ideas and morals who had wisdom beyond mine they could pass on to me.
for awhile, that was true. and then later i was like no.
it dawned on me around the time of the Akon article that I knew far less about these individuals than I had thought. but i still knew they were so much better than me
While i still believe Brutus had somewhat good intentions in this endevoar, I can’t say the same for you Trout, you disgusting motherfucker. Even though Brutus wrote the Akon article. I’m still not sure about him. Hm. Wonder if he’s gay?

Dead soldier
Look at these dead and faggot soldiers. I bet he got his little dick blown off by an IED planted in a child's vagina. lol we're fighting three wars, and two in space.

And that’s why the chronicle sucks and I’m outta here. And I’m never coming back.

[comes back]