After an embarrassingly forced visit to a soup kitchen, Paul Ryan failed to accrue more votes for himself and aspiring war criminal Mitt Romney.
On his way out, Ryan encountered a free black man. Ryan then demanded the Uncle Tom’s name, but refused to stop and talk with him.
Bill Murray is also known for “crashing parties” by showing up to wash random homeowners’ dishes, but Paul Ryan has found that a demeaning tone, paired with not actually washing any dishes, goes over just as well as he doesn’t care that day about anything going on around him.
“I’m Paul Ryan. Glad to meet you.”
“Glad to meet you too.”
Born and raised here, are you really? Cool. I’m from a town, similar, called Weansley.
Similar to what?
Ryan walks away while the man was still talking to him.
The possibility of America changing from within is estimated to within 1/1000 margin-of-error by Chronicle standards to be “literally much, much lower” than the Second Coming of The Lord Jesus Christ which George Bush pointed to as his exit strategy for Iraq.
I am too pessimistic to allow for the possibility of anyone possibly actually really working within what I perceive to be a broken system. And when I say broken I mean sand in the gears, and every grain is a greedy corner-cutting fascist with friends who own businesses and legislate fairly enough to the highest bidder and BOTHER with the collective, peon masses of which I include myself.
I take only small pleasure in carving out a living exposing politicians as the two-dimensional shit-eating grinners they are, mainly because of the horrible truths which follow the gay coyness of any given situation in which I find myself being lied to.
That said, working within the system is a matter of working entirely by rules which aren’t written, ignoring the ones that are, and leaving no trace of in-congruence along the way. We’ve been taught all our lives to make excuses bending over backwards to supply to our common enemies every benefit of the doubt just to taste shit in our mouths in the now-compromising position of total subservience to the corporation state.
Dig in! Stay vigilant! Erase debt! Let politics go, but never, ever, give up the personal fight.
Die for an inch, and fill it with satire!
–Raghubir Goyal, Chronicle.su Internal Affairs, United Armed Worker’s Movement, CHRONICLE.SU
Hold onto your rights, because War just went global!
Respawn Entertainment, founded by top developers from Infinity Ward, maker of the bestselling Call of Duty: Modern Warfare series have announced plans to release a new game they say will allow players to enjoy the gut wrenching realism of indefinite military occupations.
Brought to you patriotically by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
Co-creator and sadomasochist Frank West said all people deserve to witness, and even partake in, the atrocities of war.
“We thought, why should brown people be the only ones lucky to experience the horrors of modern warfare? With Modern Occupation 2, we want to bring the nightmarish reality of war into every American’s living room.”
Vincent Zampella, co-founder of Respawn Entertainment said, “We want to move gameplay away from the kill or be killed mindset. I am fucking sick of it, you’re sick of it and we all want the emails to stop. In Modern Occupation 2, every advancement presents a gray area in which gamers are forced to make split second decisions that may affect them for the rest of their lives – in some cases, more horrifically than war itself; for instance, your character may come down with PTSD if you shoot an unarmed child. Conversely, this is likely to occur even if the child is armed.”
In a live demo, very small children carrying toys and presents walked up to the player to give him gifts of baked goods – but as it happened, Sonjay’s teddy bear actuated a thermite bomb in the bread basket, killing everyone on screen. Leading up to random events such as these, the decision to shoot on sight is in the hands of the player.
The decision to execute this man may fall on your shoulders.
Civilian kills are penalized, but if the gamer can turn a murder into an accidental suicide, or frame the bodies to look like insurgents – either by planting guns around their homes or, during online play, calling on other players to support an alibi before his commanding officer – then he will no longer face court marshal and play continues.
However unlike previous iterations of the Call of Duty franchise, which pitted gamers against the Taliban in Afghanistan and challenged them to defend Northern Virginia from Russian invaders, Zampella said Modern Occupation 2 is variably paced.
“For example, in Realistic Mode, a player may find himself standing watch for ten, twelve hours at a time – changing only to adjust for his or her declining opinion of the military industrial complex.”
Additionally, as with any occupation, the political landscape plays an important role. Players may suddenly “disappear” or find that they’ve been targeted for political assassination if, during online play for example, gamers of the same faction invaded Pakistan’s airspace to the chagrin of a terrorist-sympathizing Presidential body, dozens of Seal Team Six may be deliberately targeted for assassination by groups allied forces never expect.
West said, “War games have become so realistic by now, that if children aren’t balled up in front of their televisions in the fetal position, in fresh puddles of their own urine, then we aren’t doing our jobs right.”
A press release posted Saturday on Respawn Entertainment’s website said the company hopes to get Call of Duty: Modern Occupation 2 out while images of ground-based occupations are still revolting to American audiences. Videogame industry insiders fear many gamers are becoming more rapidly desensitized with each new release, which market analysts believe could cut into profits.
American audiences were enamored by the non-stop carnage of Capcom’s mid-summer release of African Vengeance: Genocidal Rapestorm, in which gamers are challenged to saw a Somalian woman’s arms off while simultaneously gang-fucking her in a flaming blood-spattered hut, or be shot for insubordination.
“I loved circumcising young girls in the bush, but after a while it was just a button-masher,” said eleven year old Kevin Jones of Boston, Mass. When asked what changes Kevin thinks would improve upon his favorite war game, he said, “More mini games like where I get to shove hot phosphorous in my enemy’s eyes using the Wii mote. That was so fun!”
Facing stiff competition from all sides, West said they are comfortable pushing back the release of Modern Occupation 2 to give developers a chance to add features he hopes will keep bloodthirsty fans coming back for more. Some new features include torture chambers, mini-games in which the player herds civilians into cages, and various rage meters West said will gauge a character’s contempt for the people he is enlisted to protect, adding a whole new tier of depth through multipliers and hate crimes.
If pushed back, gamers can expect to unleash their xenophobia on the digital world just in time for the holiday season.
