Tag: chronicle

Categories
Special Interest

CHRONICLE.SU FALLS TO RUIN IN WAKE OF PRETEEN SEX SCANDAL

Editor Frank Mason was arrested Thursday morning for the distribution of slanderous comments against himself.
CHRONICLE.SU Editor Frank Mason was arrested Thursday morning for the distribution of slanderous comments against himself.

INTERNET– Legendary cp forum chronicle.su was seized by authorities Thursday following an anonymous tip by John Tiessen. Tiessen told authorities he knew the mysterious chronicle leadership was trading non-nude jailbait photography around Twitter for some time, and has reason to believe sources might be holding out on him.

“Dey trade it around on da Twitta,” Tiessen lied. “Dey trade it around and dey won’t share none of it wid ME.”

Authorities hail the chronicle.su seizure as “the nation’s finest police work this side of Dallas,” and have placed the coveted Soviet Union domain in a sort of digital trophy room “to set an example for anyone who thinks it’s OK to abuse the freedom of speech we so generously allow you to keep.”

FBI Director Robert Mueller says he wants to let this serve “as a warning and an example” that the government can take anything you do and destroy it in a moment’s notice “at the slightest indication that you might enjoy the sweet, clean-smelling underage skin of exotic preteen girls,” adding, amidst hyperventilation, “Those sweet, sweet preteen girls.”

You will not find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than terrorist website chronicle.su. It is the lowest common denominator of “entertainment,” where “low-brow is the new high-brow,” according to investigators.

Chronicle.su is a cesspool of over-ripe spineless writers with nothing better to do than exhibit themselves masturbating before onlookers in Tinychat. If the website were deleted today, the Internet would be a better place tomorrow, for fans of sanctioned child porn star Selena Gomez, among other celebrity wonders as Lil Wayne, Kilgore Trout and Lady HaHa.

With the impending deletion and re-absorption of the chronicle.su domain into the available pool of domains, it is expected to be replaced by a chansite specializing in the trade and sale of actual underage sex workers as permitted by the CIA and enjoyed by their constituency of faceless traveling arms dealers with full security clearances and total freedom to molest human society at will.

CHRONICLE.SU IS OVER.

Categories
News

Geo quits again

THE INTERNET – Geo’s newest Chronicle Career took a turn for the worst Saturday after the 17-year-old PS3 addicted college dropout decided once and for all, again, that his beloved Internet newspaper has gone astray.

“I thought you guys were back on the right track after [redacted]’s article about [redacted], but with every celebrity death hoax you spawn out of boredom, my faith in you is just a little bit more eroded.”

Let me show you how it’s done:

[chronicle.su article by geo himself]

Up and coming stoner critic salutes self righteous indignation

I’m geohotz. Anonymous hacked Sony and later, the government. I think they are onto us, by the way dude, just to let you know. Smoke weed erryday niqqas you kno how I do, keyboard warriors represent 2012.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: this is actual copy written by Geo] when i first stumbled upon this site thanks to the hacking of the playstation network, i thought i had found a group of people with similar ideas and morals who had wisdom beyond mine they could pass on to me.
for awhile, that was true. and then later i was like no.
it dawned on me around the time of the Akon article that I knew far less about these individuals than I had thought. but i still knew they were so much better than me
While i still believe Brutus had somewhat good intentions in this endevoar, I can’t say the same for you Trout, you disgusting motherfucker. Even though Brutus wrote the Akon article. I’m still not sure about him. Hm. Wonder if he’s gay?

Dead soldier
Look at these dead and faggot soldiers. I bet he got his little dick blown off by an IED planted in a child's vagina. lol we're fighting three wars, and two in space.

And that’s why the chronicle sucks and I’m outta here. And I’m never coming back.

[comes back]

Categories
Trolling

What the fuck is this!?

So today I signed onto Chronicle.SU and saw fucking porn ADS popping up all over the place. What the shit has this place become?

Just a couple of days ago I read a really great article and I thought Chronicle was finally making a comeback…

Now they’re just going to make a bunch of ridiculous stories up for hits, you know. Not even writing funny stories, just hit stunts using search engine tricks. Fuck the Internet Chroncile. Yeah you heard me, fuck this place.

I’m quitting this fucking web site, you’ll never see me here again. Kilgoar and Ol Brutus are dead to me. Everything they write from this point on is just to make money. Fuck. I hate this.