Finally, we have ignited Helter Skelter. Our inflammatory and hateful divisive attacks on black celebrities have brought about a race war of trolling never seen even on 4chan. Welcome to a NEW LOW, Internet! And each day, hundreds of thousands of you fools swarm upon the simulated death of your beloved AKON, LIL WAYNE, or WHITNEY HOUSTON, but NEVER Kanye West. We MAKE SO MUCH DAMN MONEY DOING THIS! Thems Chronicle boys’ a’paid by the government, I tells ya!'”
Yes, we knew it would come to this from the very first day the Internet Chronicle was founded. HELTER SKELTER! FINALLY!!!!
Charles Masnon was just another LULZ extremist just like us. Lulz! LUzl1! WE gonna hack your brains n’ control you litle fuxors ta DDoS teh Government!!!!
I wrote a letter to Charles Manson and asked him the best way to control people, and he said “It’s the Internet, dummy,” so I fed the internet a continuous dose of LSD. And lies.
Now the entire Internet is eating out of my hands, scrambling desperately for my sweet nectar of explanation. None of this makes sense, Anonymous is just destroying human rights. The 9/11 truthers are killing my GOD DAMN anti-war movement with their POISONOUS double false flag conspiracy.
Nashville, Tenn.–At 7:49 this morning, one dick eagerly stabbed into a now-legal Miley Cyrus.
With the stink of sex freshly on her clothes, Miley Cyrus told reporters outside her father’s home she is “Ready for adulthood. Really, very ready.”
Asked who took the first legal plunge into her bellows, Miley blushed, and said, “Well, all I can really say for sure is he likes it when I call him ‘Daddy‘.”
Her full spread Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler photo shoots are slated for next month, leading up to a Christmas release that will hopefully stimulate the economy, and our sexual appetites.
Miley Cyrus, a relatively normal-looking child turned on a nation of unbeknown pedophiles and daughter-pimps, breaking new grounds for the Walt Disney corporation and 4chan.
Attorneys are lining up to do blow off of her stomach, and even Walt Disney himself rose up from the grave to “get a piece.”
He said in a statement even though Miley Cyrus has reached adulthood, the distance between his age and hers is still relatively disturbing, adding, “The fact I am so much older is what makes it that much hotter to me.”
Miley Cyrus, named “2008 most-Googled nipslip of all time” by The Elf Wax Times, has completely dropped out of all recent Google Trends reporting and is expected to be forgotten completely by the year 2014.
Falls Church, Va.–Miley Cyrus bares all in her latest music video “I’m Becoming Brittany Spears” known for its catchy chorus, “You’ll see it even after you close eyes.”
I can’t find shit on Google Trends. What people Google is so uninteresting to me. It’s football scores – oh, and Miley Cyrus CAUGHT ON CAMERA DIGGING DISNEY PANTIES FROM ITCHY, DIRTY BUTTHOLE.
It demonstrates there isn’t much on people’s minds, at least not all at the same time. Regardless, the internet has the potential to both undo and multiply the advances of mankind, but for now, people are still using it to masturbate with. What a weird event it would be if all at once, Google was spammed with massive amounts of messages from humanity’s own collective unconscious!
HOT TRENDS INCLUDE:
jailbait videos of my inner child
“did you feel that?”
yes this is really happening
all time irrelevant, miley cyrus pronounced “child forever”
nothing is real, except this message
mainstream media not so mainstream once contrasted with galactic plane
america finally satisfies its problems with war
carl sagan auto tuned
Glorified beastly disaster upstairs, in the kitchen. I think it was a pot of chili but flames engulfed the stove and eventually the curtains. Nobody cares.
Pollution crept in through the floorboards this morning and we celebrated its hallucinogenic properties over a game of chess, followed by extensive blackouts.
All this, over Roseanne playing in the other room. The show was better during the original time, when the Brauny paper towel commercials ran, and at a normal volume too. We agreed that we are officially insane and conceded to lunacy, only to realize we were still in control enough to shoot guns, so we went outside. What happened next is anybody’s guess, and we lost the clip.
Later I ran outside and threw apples at a cow. It stood lazily, apples bouncing off its hollow-sounding noggin, its fat ass so content to eat them. At this, I laughed so hard I could barely stand to throw apples, which incited yet more laughter. I thought, “This must be how Hindus feel.”
And science shows that is in fact how they feel, thanks to a newly patended device by the Russian government that alters the weather patterns over Siberia as well as picking up the quantum vibrations of subtle human intent. Emotion-monitors are set to be installed on all new Segways to prevent their owner and designer from riding one over a cliff, however sources indicate there may be no way to tell if the devices will actually work, given that the Segway owner has already driven off a cliff and died on his Segway.
Tomorrow, the dawn of the nuclear apocalypse is rising and Americans have not even begun to dig any 1950s throwback bomb shelter graves, according to satellite surveillance photographs of their yards; while others appear to pray for death on an hourly basis.
Lebal Drocer Executive Jim Gray, PhD[izzle] converted his truck to a bio-diesel economy car, and later into a carbomb, inviting employees to a company picnic to have their own vehicles turned into bombs. He said the picnic bomb derby provides an opportunity for parents to engage their children.
He noted father-son activity research centers would likely see a healthy spike before sharply declining following a staunch lack of fathers and sons.
“Son, now I know your mother doesn’t want you playing with suicide devices until you’re older, but…be a man.”
Terrorism is to America what Miley Cyrus is to the adult world. A fading threat, and more of a reason to pull out than stay in at this point. One month and eleven days from now, Miley Cyrus turns 18. Until then, combat troops are still stationed in Afghanistan, South Korea, operating in Pakistan, and in some cases Sub-Saharan Africa, and the former Soviet Union.
Oh shit, I’m tripping hard. Read over this again, and take notes on why you’re wrong.