ADL National Director Abe Foxman: ‘Jwsh Lbby’ Must be Spelled without Vowels

Anti-Defamation League National Director Abraham Foxman urged a More Civil Tone Friday with Certain Mideast Policy Proponents.

NEW YORK — Policymakers and the media are urged to refrain from articulating “Jwsh lbby” aloud, or with vowels.

Citing conspiracy theorists’ proclivity for deranged fantasies about a “Zionist Occupation Government,” Anti-Defamation League National Director Abraham Foxman said thousands of years of persecution – culminating in the Holocaust – add potential for Jews’ own references to the “lbby” to yield baseless accusations of self-hatred, he said, “and that would be gay.”

Foxman said his anti-hate speech group wants an international shift in tone. “The Jewish community,” said Mr. Foxman, “has for too long naively trusted humanity to responsibly articulate aloud the presence or actions of Washington-based policy advocates who advance the work of the whole and free state of Israel. Never again will we permit their work’s reputation to be sullied by the agents of hatred and bigotry.”

In a Friday afternoon press release Associated Press Deputy Standards Editor David Minthorn expressed “delight” to modify the Associated Press Stylebook to include a complying stipulation. The email advisory said Mr. Minthorn and his fellow editors were were still ironing out details but that new guidelines for reporting on Washington-based lobbyist groups would maximize clarity while respecting the religious and political convictions of all parties:

The Associated Press is committed to its wide, diverse readership. The full written articulation of the phrase previously represented by “Jwsh lbby” evoked multiple traumatic incidents: from Auschwitz’s gas chambers — burnt offerings so that the only possible Judaic sanctuary against an intolerant world could be born into it — to the possibility that the two words might be overheard out of context, whispered at a loud party, and presumed to represent the machinations of plotting genocidaires.

Following Senate Republicans’ blocking of defense secretary nominee Chuck Hagel Thursday, Mr. Foxman, a 72-year-old Soviet émigré, issued a follow-up plea to up the Anti-Defamation League’s statement last month criticizing Mr. Hagel for using the term “J***** l****.” On January 7 Mr. Foxman wrote that Mr. Hagel’s use of the slur was “hurtful to many in the Jewish Community.” In December the national director had written to Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin claiming that Mr. Hagel’s “record relating to Israel and the U.S.-Israel relationship is, at best, disturbing, and at worst, very troubling.”

Joining Mr. Foxman was William Kristol, Emergency Committee for Israel board member. Mr. Kristol said, “[W]hat [Chuck Hagel] said was extremely narrow-minded. Israel’s friends are not simply Jews but numerous Christian groups who believe in the necessity that the Jewish people return to and remain in Israel so that Jesus can return to earth, cleanse its surface of his unholy enemies, causing every single living Jew to worship the Christian deity. If he thinks worshiping Jesus is a practice representing those of the mainstream Jewish community, he is the wrong choice for Defense Department leadership and the wrong choice for America.” Mr. Kristol clarified that he himself does not worship Jesus, and that he is himself Jewish, but that Mr. Hagel’s comments made Israel look as though it were “alone in a sea of hate.”

An Israeli reporter on the call, Haaretz’s Chemi Shalev, pressed Mr. Foxman as to whether the term “*sr**l* l*bby,” written with vowels, would be acceptable under the ADL’s new guidelines. “Absolutely not,” replied Mr. Foxman, saying that he recognized a reasonable exception to that rule for the purposes of inquiring as to its appropriate sensitivity. He added that the “Israeli” term “implies that advocating for an Israel nation-state — made whole once more despite the anti-Semites’ occupying Gaza and West Bank — is somehow a foreign, and thus nefarious, interest.” ADL leadership say they anticipate that in time the original pronunciation of the ethnic slur used by Mr. Hagel will be as lost to memory as that of vernacular Latin.

Barrett Brown’s ex-girlfriend: Honeypot?

sexpot
Did Barrett Brown’s sexpot ex-girlfriend spy on him for defense contractors? Barrett Brown’s most dedicated groupies say “Yes!”

INTERNET — Former Barrett Brown groupies have turned on Brown’s sexpot ex-girlfriend, accusing her of collaborating in a plot by defense contractors to spy on Brown. @elviraxmontana, as Brown’s ex-girlfriend is known on Twitter, faced criticism from other groupies in the past for communicating with Adrian Lamo, the hacker blamed for turning in Bradley Manning, the disgruntled soldier who leaked infamous ‘Cablegate’ and ‘Collateral Murder’ data to WikiLeaks.

Instead of consenting to sexist pressure to identify herself with Brown and distance herself from Lamo, @elviraxmontana mocked groupies by “marrying” Lamo and blogging about the ensuing drama. An integral part of the plot to monitor, entrap, and possibly control Brown, according to groupie theorists, was the use of weaponized social media, or “persona management,” a sophisticated sock-puppet system likely controlled by @elviraxmontana, which was coincidentally the focus of Brown’s #OpMetalGear investigations.

Kinda Busy: Assange’s Awakening, @elviraxmontana’s Tumblr page, features sexy fan-fiction detailing homosexual fantasy trysts between Adrian Lamo and the ever-suspicious Julian Assange. Groupie theorists, or “Groupies,” as they prefer to be called, believe that this is a direct allegory for Brown and @elviraxmontana’s relationship, dismissing pro-Manning content on the blog as sarcastic humor.

@elviraxmontana has faced similar allegations since  Brown’s arrest was broadcast live on Tinychat. Groupies claimed her calm response to the arrest, as well as her quick decision to end the broadcast, were both proof of her cooperation with law enforcement. She has since made statements critical of Brown’s decision to publicly threaten the children of an FBI agent. Rumors were spread by groupies that Brown and her broke up early this year, as Brown caught wind of her association with Adrian Lamo. Other Groupie theories put @elviraxmontana at the center of a plot to dose Brown with MKUltra drugs designed to drive him into the paranoid frenzy culminating in the threats toward children.

Questions Silenced Over Russia Plane Crash

Possible plane crash over the Urals Friday.

Russian authorities are calling it a “meteorite” dismissing eyewitness reports that described seeing a large fighter plane leave twin chemtrails before exploding in the Chelyabinsk region sky.

To make matters worse, authorities then proceeded to shut off public cell phone service – harkening back to bitter days of a Soviet Socialist Republic.

Russian Authorities Silence Questions Around Plane Crash
Russian Authorities Suggest The Plane Crash Was Possible “Meteor Strike”

The explosions heard in the above video are pieces of debris crashing into buildings.

Eyewitness reports cited seeing a plane headed toward the sparsely populated Chelyabinsk region. Some witnesses report one flash of light, and others saw multiple flashes of light – reportedly brighter than the daytime sun.

Damaged Zinc Factory in Chelyabinsk
Damaged Zinc Factory in Chelyabinsk. More than 100 people were hospitalized with injuries following the impact whose shockwave broke windows and triggered car alarms in the area.

Alex Jones: Dorner “Waco’ed,” More Historic than 9/11

Police have still not located the incinerated body.
Police have still not located the incinerated body.

BIG BEAR, CALIF. — Tuesday Michael Dorner, heavily armed with a .50 caliber anti-vehicle rifle, assault weapons, and a tactical respiration device, shot a police commander down. The cold-blooded killer’s scuba gear rendered tear gas useless for assault, just as David Koresh had strapped gas masks to the faces of his innocent children. The only remaining safe option for police was to burn the building down, yet again, with the use of a camouflaged flamethrower Humvee borrowed from the military. Helicopter cameras spotted this unit arriving at the checkpoint an hour before they were ordered out of the airspace, in an attempt to hide the fact that the building was purposefully burned. Some sources claimed they saw Dorner attempt to surrender, only to be forced back inside the burning building by members of a SWAT team.

Radio host Alex Jones played up the implications of this event, saying:

Dorner was just a freedom-loving Patriot like me and you. This is what happens in a police state, people. Things are gonna get real bad real fast. Be afraid! This is the beginning of something big, something historic. People will look back at Dorner and say, “that was bigger than Waco,” because everyone was watching, this time, and the truth is obvious! This is a more historic event than 9/11. We saw the police brutalizing people just trying to tell the truth at Occupy Wall Street. We saw them beating up innocent people. You try to tell the truth, and they’ll burn you out. The evil forces are closing in, and this is the darkest hour. I AM DORNER. I AM ELIAN GONZALEZ. I AM DAVID KORESH! I am AMANDA TODD!

Anonforecast, one of many leaders of Anonymous, gleefully celebrated Dorner’s killings and hinted Dorner was An Anonymous member cooperating with a cell of Anonymous agents known as #OpLastResort, a subgroup of Anonymous with the stated mission of “undermining the very concept of authority.”

CHRIS DORNER KILLS AGAIN

Dorner's cabin burns down
Dorner’s cabin burns down

BIG BEAR, CALIF. — Chris Dorner shot and killed a police deputy in a gunfight outside a cabin in the Big Bear Lake area, where he is currently hiding. The cabin is on fire.

LAPD Cmdr. Andrew Smith asked news helicopters not to broadcast live reports because Dorner could use the footage to strategically battle police in real time.

Dorner released a tl;dr manifesto detailing plans to kill racist pigs and their families. The murder manifesto outlined his experiences as an unhinged police officer in a lockstep Hate regime, which Dorner claims never changed after the Rodney King beatings.

But instead got worse.

In the manifesto, Dorner calls on journalists to enact Freedom of Information Act requests verifying his claims.

Not Chris Dorner
At the beginning of the Dorner manhunt, LA police shot the living shit out of two brown women delivering newspapers. Their truck make, model, color and license plate did not match the description of Dorner’s.

Oops.

From the Dorner Manifesto:

I’m not an aspiring rapper, I’m not a gang member, I’m not a dope dealer, I don’t have multiple babies momma’s. I am an American by choice, I am a son, I am a brother, I am a military service member, I am a man who has lost complete faith in the system, when the system betrayed, slandered, and libeled me. I lived a good life and though not a religious man I always stuck to my own personal code of ethics, ethos and always stuck to my shoreline and true North. I didn’t need the US Navy to instill Honor, Courage, and Commitment in me but I thank them for re-enforcing it. It’s in my DNA.

From 2/05 to 1/09 I saw some of the most vile things humans can inflict on others as a police officer in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in the streets of LA. It was in the confounds of LAPD police stations and shops (cruisers). The enemy combatants in LA are not the citizens and suspects, it’s the police officers.

Terminating officers because they expose a culture of lying, racism (from the academy), and excessive use of force will immediately change. PSB can not police their own and that has been proven. The blue line will forever be severed and a cultural change will be implanted. You have awoken a sleeping giant.

I am here to change and make policy. The culture of LAPD versus the community and honest/good officers needs to and will change. I am here to correct and calibrate your morale compasses to true north.

Citizens/non-combatants, do not render medical aid to downed officers/enemy combatants. They would not do the same for you. They will let you bleed out just so they can brag to other officers that they had a 187 caper the other day and can’t wait to accrue the overtime in future court subpoenas. As they always say, “that’s the paramedics job…not mine”. Let the balance of loss of life take place. Sometimes a reset needs to occur.

If we've learned anything from this, it's that: We're ALL not Chris Dorner.
If we’ve learned anything from this, it’s that: We’re ALL not Chris Dorner.

Pope “retires” as Cardinals struggle to hide heresy

The Pope's secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?
Are the Cardinals hiding a secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?

VATICAN — Pope Benedict XVI has been forced to resign for “health reasons” as rumors of a secret heresy trickle into the media. No Pope has resigned in 500 years, despite countless infirmities, leaving skeptics wondering what has actually happened.

Late last year Pope Benedict signed up for Twitter under the handle @Pontifex in order to preach Catholicism to users of social media. It seems, according to early reports, that the Pope became “massively addicted” to Twitter, obsessively tracking numerous shock humor accounts which appropriated homophobic Nazi imagery. Among these accounts, some sources claim Pope Benedict was especially interested in a parody religion based on a gestalt-intelligence known as Inglip.

While it’s too early to tell whether Pope Benedict’s interest in this new “parody” religion was simply rooted in his affinity for shock humor, most rumors claim that the Pope wanted to dissolve the Catholic church entirely and convert the Vatican into a seat of power for worshipers of Inglip. As the story goes, Cardinals brought in doctors, declared Pope Benedict “senile,” and issued a statement of retirement using his name.

Ron Paul Raids RonPaul.com

The Swedish Banhof facility, raided along with female employees, Friday evening
The Swedish Bahnhof facility raided, along with female employees, Friday evening

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN — A backpack weighed heavily on this reporter, as I stood beside one of 30 men in full riot gear regalia, as he, among others, awaited his raid, Friday night, on the Bahnhof Web hosting facility deep beneath Stockholm, Sweden. Goons from the United Nations World Intellectual Property Organization (WIPO) prepared to storm the most secure privately owned Web hosting company on earth. Their target: RonPaul.com.

RonPaul.com, after serving as the grassroots hub for libertarian activists eager to see Dr. Paul become president, has recently received scrutiny from the former congressman’s attorneys, who wish to see the server remain safely out of the hands of “the rabble.” After the sovereign hand of the U.S. government proved impotent against the mighty force of the Internet, Dr. Paul decided that appealing — closer to grave than cradle — to the globalist nanny state would be his best bet for real justice.

A man, who would only agree to be identified as “Karl,” made small talk as he swept snow from the barrel of his Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine gun. Nine-term former Representative Ron Paul (R-TX) stepped between us, the elderly man who personally organized the team after the proprietors of RonPaul.com, he said, “sought to capitalize on my legacy.”

Spokesman Jesse Benton — then at my other side, sporting a bulletproof vest emblazoned with the initials “U.N.” — winked at me through a gas mask as the WIPO squad prepared to cut through the Web host’s alloy door. We could expect the door, a U.N. covert paramilitary officer said before the raid, to be over a foot thick. The former Galveston representative stepped to the front of the crowd of men in ski masks and, from brown paper wrapping, unveiled a brick of material.

“This is nano-thermite, boys,” he said with a chuckle. “NIST handed some of this off to me as a congratulatory present on my 2008 New Hampshire primary showing.”

After only a few seconds, the door of the compound glowed and disintegrated under the pressure of the igniting thermite. The WIPO men moved in.

One by one the paramilitary officers removed bags from around their shoulders, each unraveling suctions cups on tubes and ominous black machines roughly the size of a normal desktop’s power unit. They restrained weeping female workers in the facility, ripped their clothes from their bodies and proceeded to fasten the machines to their respective labia minora.

Dr. Paul, salivating, watched as the women screamed and squirmed as their uteruses were sucked cleaned by the elite globalist soldiers. He said to me, as I wrote furiously his words down, “We have to be sure that these anarchists haven’t stored a backup version of the pirate RonPaul.com anywhere in their body cavities. Even their wombs could be offering safe harbor to thumb drives, micro-computers. You know how these namby-fancy Euro-types are.”

“The global government has spoken,” he added. “We can’t allow their offspring to rob or humiliate me or Rand ever again.”

Banhof has been host to numerous controversial Internet projects — everything from 4chan.org/b/ to WikiLeaks to the North American Man-Boy Love Association. Members of the WIPO team seemed earnestly convinced that the gynecologist was a member of the 113th Congress, as he seemed to have identified himself on his WIPO complaint form. Dr. Paul left office last month, after declining to seek another term.

A U.N. stormtrooper rushed up a flight of stairs, elegantly polished in steel and IKEA-esque efficiency. He briskly saluted Dr. Paul, then said, “Sir, we’ve deactivated and transferred to Mr. Benton control of RonPaul.com. We at the training center admire your pro-family agenda. At your discretion, we could also permanently shut down WikiLeaks and NAMBLA, if you’d like.” The WIPO paramilitary officer gestured to a Banhof control screen, at which the duo could swiftly and permanently deactivate the whistleblower and pro-pedophilia activists’ respective Web presences.

“Deactive WikiLeaks. Those rapist hippies beat me to the punch,” said the elfin gynecologist, his hands clasped behind his back. Then, Dr. Paul clenched a fist. “They never did put me on the Intelligence Committee. Leave NAMBLA up, though. Those boys are the new voice of freedom. The rest of it can come down.”

“Yes, sir,” said the dutiful WIPO soldier, dutifully typing commands into the server, shutting down Web dissidents and deviants as perennially despised as the former presidential candidate.

The aging libertarian turned, staring upwards, having had a realization. “Oh, and one more thing,” he said. “Keep Stormfront.org going. I owe Don Black a favor for those campaign donations.”