Negro uprising suppressed by Homeland Security

Mainstream Media broadcast images of riots in Negro Ghettoes accompanied by the auctioneer-like intoning of disembodied voices.

FERGUSON — Supporters of Mike Brown, the Young Negro shot down by the brave officer Darren Wilson, flooded into the streets in dismay after no charges were filed against the murderous officer by the secretive grand . . .

BREAKING: BILL COSBY COMMITS SUICIDE AT 77

Bill Cosby

Several women had come forward with allegations against Bill Cosby of gross sexual misconduct.

BILL COSBY — Pain and anguish struck the hearts of millions of fans, Sunday, after news broke of comedian Bill Cosby’s suicide at the age of 77. A rash of sex assault allegations plagued America’s favorite Black comedian earlier . . .

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Dead at 65

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu passed away suddenly, Sunday evening

REVELATIONS — Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel, died suddenly Sunday evening after suffering a heart attack in his home. He was 65 years old and will be deeply missed by prominent bankers and comedians. His entire estate of over twenty million dollars . . .

Lebal Drocer Denies Wrongdoing in Latest Scandal

The Chronicle.su will never die

SLAVEYARD — Lebal Drocer, indicted for what one Judge called, “laying down with the dogs and getting the fleas,” fired back at Europol after they seized Lebal Drocer Publishing’s heavily-guarded mainframe installation in Belgium, or possibly Germany.

Lebal Drocer’s Chief Marketing Officer Barry B. Poundheaven told reporters, “This . . .

Vladimir Putin says Russia will have low-cost Fusion reactors by 2021

Putin’s sophisticated gambit into Ukraine may soon be backed by something much more powerful than nuclear weapons.

MOSCOW — At the G20 meeting Friday evening, Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin announced a huge leap in technology that will provide clean, low cost fusion energy without the use of any fossil fuels whatsoever. Putin . . .

VISIT GRIMLIES NATIONAL PARK TODAY

The Grimlies are beautiful this time of year and just the thing to spice up your social media feed.

TOURISM — Stare at your phone in awe and wonder as you take in the natural beauty of the Grimlies and enjoy the internet streaming from our thoroughly disguised 4g towers placed on the crest . . .

Pope Francis declares military Crusade against ISIS

Pope Francis of Hate

Pope Francis to underwrite millions of soldiers in a transnational Christian Army to tackle ISIS.

SEPTEMBER 11 — Pope Francis held a global council of Christian leaders from all creeds Thursday and declared a “New Crusade,” calling on “volunteer Christian soldiers” to oppose the rise of the New Islamic Caliphate (ISIS or ISIL). The . . .

Comcast deploys military police to Ferguson, MO

The Comcast customer service agency Xfinity Force Alpha executes orders to "kill on sight" any civilian who resists their fastest in-home WiFi limited time deal.

“The free market has a solution for Ferguson.” . . .

Repression Quest

Zoƫ Quinn

INTERNET — The video gamer atmosphere was heavier with repressed sexuality than ever before, and positive reviews of a video game called Depression Quest kept flying off the pages of game review publications. “A game that you have to read? And when you read it, its intention is not to make you have fun, it’s . . .

Robert Crumb dead at 71

Robert Crumb will be deeply missed by his gullible fans

Robert Crumb will be deeply missed by his gullible fans

FRANCE — Fans mourn the death of Robert Crumb, also known as R Crumb, who died suddenly Thursday from a rare exploded prostate. Crumb was known for his cartoon characters Fritz the Cat, Mr. Natural, and the album artwork on Janis Joplin’s Cheap Thrills.

. . .