Category: Special Interest

These are not regular interests

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News Politics Reviews Technology Trolling

Experts Reveal the Internet Chronicle is a Real Site

Suck our hammer and sickle, baby.
Suck our hammer and sickle, baby, we’re on the right side of history.

HAMBURG, Germany — While the world watched in amazement at the “Hell-in-a-cell” twitter-war between bitter rivals The Tor Project and Pando Daily, a humble researcher named Jacob Appelbalm gave a presentation at the Chaos Computer Clubs’ 31st Congressional hearing, in which the following years Internet agenda was drafted. Appelbalm, most known for his truly original and extraordinary MD5 hash-collision research and his Tor outreach, gave a rousing speech to a crowd of hackers being sslstripped. While Appelbalm and his colleagues work closely with Der Spielgel newspaper in Germany, which is world famous for dropping doxx on the NSA, he pivoted from his usual pandering and pointed to a new enemy within: the Glorious and Infallible Internet Chronicle.

Furious that he didn’t get exclusive Snowden deetz that the Internet Chronicle got, Jacob derided the news outlets ethics saying “The Internet Chronicle pretty much lets anything pass as journalism these days, it’s like they just type shit, don’t redact, don’t hold back documents for 3 years and just don’t give a damn if an article shits the closet.” The crowd cheered as the charismatic man on stage urinated in their ears, “These are the kind of people that I would ass-fuck with a chainsaw.”

Relenting for a moment as the crowds’ tears of joyous manipulation diminished into simpering sobs, he continued “However, from documents that have been gleaned over with a fine tooth comb by everyone here in Germany, it is unfortunate to note that the Internet Chronicle is a real site.” After a few minutes of diddling with his Mac, a slide appeared with a screenshot of http://www.scamadviser.com/is-chronicle.su-a-fake-site.html revealing our trustworthiness.

In closing, Appelbalm rabbled the crowd once again with images of revolution, stating: “These are just the times we live in, we’re going to have to accept the fact that our block-lists will be long and sycophants wide. That’s just the way the Berlin Wall crumbles, y’all.”

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Trolling

8Chan Founder Frederick Brennan cowers in fear after vicious doxing

INTERNET—Adrian Chen of Gawker reported, Monday, that Frederick Brennan, who suffers from a malfunctioning skeleton, was the mastermind responsible for providing GamerGate fans with safe harbors at infinitechan, or 8chan as it is also called. Chen is a well-known anti-misogynist doxer who once outed violentacrez, Reddit’s kingpin of legal jailbait and creepshot subreddits.

Brennan’s bones are so frail that they could break at the slightest touch, but Adrian Chen said that suffering man he called “deformed” was seen holding a bottle of vodka and riding through a strip club on the first anniversary of infinitechan. Much like Reddit’s subreddit feature, infinitechan allows any user to create and moderate their own subchan, combining the worst aspects of Reddit and 4chan into the world’s most misogynistic social media platform.

After reading Adrian Chen’s vicious dox, Rhonda Marten, feminist and human biodiversity expert, tweeted, “I’ll put that deformed paper bones out of misery. Comin for ya, little boy!” Brennan cancelled his upcoming motivational talk, considering the tweet and other undisclosed messages a credible threat on his life.

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Entertainment Special Interest

Taylor Swift’s 8 second subliminal white noise message decoded

Since the invention of radio, spies have hidden messages in audio signals.
"Look how good you're playing," says the Internet Chronicle, handing an unplugged controller over to kilgoar and hatesec.
Taylor Swift, radicalized by the terrorist group EFF, has begun a psyop campaign to subliminally turn otherwise normal people into terrorists.
Taylor Swift, radicalized by the terrorist group EFF, has begun a psyop campaign to subliminally turn otherwise normal people into terrorists.

INTERNET—Earlier this week a puzzling 8 second Taylor Swift song seemingly featuring nothing but white noise was the most popularly downloaded song in Canada, disseminating subliminal instructions to millions of vulnerable teenage listeners. Wednesday, a terror attack struck the heart of Canada as shooters rampaged through the streets of Ottawa, its capital.

Experts have shown a direct connection between Swift’s hit single and the terror sweeping through Canada.

Expert in subliminal psyop warfare at DARPA, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, said via Instagram:

“Taylor Swift has been radicalized by subliminal programming, fallen in with hackers who want to fight the surveillance state, and replicated the programming that radicalized her into an 8 second clip of so-called white noise containing specific programmatic instructions: Kill the government. The shootings in Ottawa are the beginning of a wave of terror like we’ve never expected, except instead of militant Islamists, this time it’s computer geeks. If I was to tell you the message that was coded, it could instantly brainwash anyone who read it or heard it read out loud.”