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Supermarkets collect metadata with discount cards, says Snowden

MOSCOW, Russia – New leaks by Edward Snowden, the whistleblower responsible for unveiling NSA surveillance programs, show that all “discount cards” offered by supermarkets are in fact used as part of a ubiquitous data collection and surveillance program. “Every time you swipe that card to save a few measly cents,” said Snowden, via collect call, “they […]

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News Politics Science Technology Uncontrollable Patriotism

North Korea grants asylum for Snowden

SEOUL, Republic of Korea – In response to a formal application for asylum on behalf of Edward Snowden, Kim Jong-un issued a statement offering the whistleblower not just asylum, but full North Korean citizenship. Snowden and his entourage, staffed mostly by WikiLeaks employees, were ecstatic at the news of a safe haven after 14 other countries […]

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Snowden defects to Russia

MOSCOW — In what may go down as one of the most treasonous acts in the history of the United States, Edward Snowden has fled to Moscow en route to Venezuela in order to avoid prosecution for leaks that his supporters claim can’t possibly damage American security interests. “Either he will stay in Russia for […]