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Terrorist Edward Snowden May Walk Free

Snowden-NSA
CHRONICLE.SU– NSA whisteblower Edward Snowden betrayed fellow Americans by revealing critical national secrets to our fascist enemies.

HONG KONG– You may already know the dubious tale of 29-year-old Edward Snowden, the anti-American ex-NSA contractor-turned-defector who recently leaked valuable national secrets to our enemies.

But what you don’t know about Snowden involves his diabolical scheme to escape into the lawless hands of Hong Kong, landlocked by the irrevocable sin of mainland Communist China.

Although Hong Kong is part of a “one country, two systems” situation, China can veto extradition requests, contradicting the extradition treaty the weak government of Hong Kong has held – since 1997 – after the city was returned to the totalitarian regime with which Snowden is now aligned.

From behind the Great Firewall of China, Snowden hopes to be whisked away by Chinese authorities who may “press” him for precious national security tips, but not before growing famous enough to garner public support for his supposedly “heroic” acts of anti-American aggression against innocent Americans.

A toxic ideology of reverse “patriotism” is now spreading which led Private Bradley Manning, whom Snowden called a “whistleblower . . . inspired by the public good,” to publicly reveal military secrets to our enemies.

Snowden, a master of exploiting legal loopholes, roots around in a broken Communist system of asylum-seeking perpetuity.

He buys time for himself, moving between hotels, racking up exorbitant room service bills with total disregard for the Americans whose national security he’s thrown to the wind.

CIA agents voraciously track Snowden through back alleys of Hong Kong. May God be with our brave soldiers, and may He have mercy on our souls.

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Health новости

New Miracle breakthrough drug containing dead baby flesh “adds years” to your sex life

Knock-off baby dust pills "not as good as the real thing"SEOUL — A New Miracle™ breakthrough coming out of Lebal Drocer Laboratories and Pharmaceuticals that promises to beat competitors by curing erectile dysfunction as well as performance anxiety, “whiskey-dick” and numerous other problems with male genitalia, has men a-Twitter in the shadow of their own sexual inability.

Said 44-year-old Richmond, Virginia trucker Gary Malosky, “I’m just happy something came along to repair all this damage I done to my pecker abusing stimulants to stay awake on them 13-hour-long drives.”

Already, Chinese piracy is ravaging the good, honest American profiteering of Lebal Drocer, known around the world for bringing you the finest in male enhancement supplements that get your cock rock hard. The knock-off pills being smuggled around the Republic of Korea are a profitable by-product of forced Communist Chinese abortions. Inside capsules comprised of old strips of leather is a tightly packed concentration of powder made from raw fetus and baby parts, which are chopped up and ground into a fine dust. The problem with this is Chinese abortions are an inferior source of baby dust, unlike American range-fed white babies brought to full term in a controlled environment.

American Free Range (TM) by Lebal Drocer
American Free Range (TM) children grow up to make better, wetter baby dust.

BUYER BEWARE

THOUGH THESE PILLS CONTAIN THE DEAD BABY DUST YOUR BODY IS ALREADY ACCUSTOMED TO, THE PILLS BEING TRADED OUT OF SOUTH KOREA ARE NOT THE SAME AS THE OFFICIAL MALE ENHANCEMENT BABY DUST PILLS SOLD BY LEBAL DROCER. SOME USERS HAVE INGESTED A RARE SUPERBACTERIA FOUND ONLY IN CHINESE INFANTS USED IN THE INFERIOR PILL-MAKING PROCESS TAILORED TO THE EASTERN BLACK MARKET.

Hard-core users have chosen to crush and snort the baby dust pills for instant gratification. This is dangerous, however, because the pills are oftentimes made in China and therefore contain high levels of chromium, a toxic element used as a “wood preservative” but not in the member-hardening way originally intended by Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals.

Lebal Drocer Spokesman Raleigh Theodore Sakers told Chronicle.su the chromium found in his patented male enhancement pill is “safe enough for human ingestion through the stomach,” but he warned users the drug, if snorted, “will go straight to the brain, causing immediate, satisfying erections with the very likely possibility of sudden death.”

“I recommend it… Highly.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur

THIS JUST IN

NEW FROM LEBAL DROCER PHARMACEUTICALS!

BABY DUST LOTION

Baby Dust Lotion by Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals
“We make you sick, and then we make you better.” –The Lebal Drocer Promise

“Try the new Baby Dust Lotion and satisfy her in bed all night long! This new paste comes with the Chinese Communist Lebal Drocer guarantee she will ‘love you long time!'”

Raleigh T. Sakers, Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Just rub it on your limp cock!

It’ll grow bigger. Guaranteed!

Ask your doctor about the New Miracle™ breakthrough male enhancement product guaranteed to change your sex life today!

This message is brought to you ceremoniously by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.

Stay tuned for a special message about New Miracle babydust from CHRONICLE.SU’s very own Old Brutus!

<CUE INFOMERCIAL>

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Entertainment

The Superions

In a far away galaxy there was a small planet orbiting a small star. The planet was inhabited by a very successful creature that considered itself so intelligent as to be above all other life forms. They called themselves the Superions. The Superions had been able to harness fire for a very long time and made devices that used fire to do just about anything.

The Superions considered themselves more evolved than the other life forms on the planet despite the fact that all forms had evolved for the same amount of time from a single organism. A long time ago, a group of protoSuperions gathered around a fire and decided that they were no longer going to behave like the other life forms.

Competition drove all life to evolve and change, but Superions went mad with it. They killed eachother for fire and enslaved eachother out of what they called mercy. They delighted in driving large herds of Jerro-Jerro off of cliffs when they were able to consume or otherwise use no more than one percent of the deceased matter. Jerro-Jerro are now extinct. Superions built enormous fires of living vegetable matter to appease their Gods and prove time and time again that vegetable matter could not compete.

Superions created a scoring system in which each individual was rewarded points for successful acts of competition. These points were exchanged between Superions so that each individual could specialize in a certain field of competition and become very good at it. Some Superions were not very good at normal kinds of competition, so they began to compete at manipulating the point system itself. They took points from others in exchange for the service of transferring points and made a creative pursuit out of manipulating the points in their favor. This was called Freeism. Some Superions rejected Freeism and felt that the points would be better if distributed evenly. Those Superions who were made responsible for distributing the points of course gave as many as they could to themselves. This was called Sharism.

The Sharists called the Freeists greedy, and the Freeists called the Sharists crooked. They were both right. Different Superions simply used different ideas to trick eachother into giving away their points. Superions who gathered points for the sake of gathering points never gave them away at all except in efforts to gain more points. The most effective type of competition was to find a region of the planet where Superions were generally disliked by Superions from other regions. Sharists and Freeists disliked eachother, and both had gained many points. With clever exploitation of this enmity and an appropriate application of their points, they made and lost points to each other many times. Billions of Superions died thinking they were fighting for Freeism or Sharism and did not realize they were only trying to gain points for their masters.

One day, a smart Superion realized that the Superions with most of the points were not successful at any real kind of competition. They were just criminal tricksters who would rather see the world die than stop acquiring points. A long time later, a smarter Superion realized that he must also be a trickster in order to fix this broken point system. He sat down and spent the most important half hour of Superion history writing a story about aliens called Humans in a far away galaxy with the ridiculous name of Milky Way. Humans had a thing called money, very similair to the Superion point system. The Human beings in his story used their money to create a new kind of fire that was much more effective and dangerous. He absurdly called this new kind of fire Nuclear Fission. Humans could eradicate entire regions of Earth with less money than ever before. The Humans with a lot of money bought so many Nuclear Fission devices that they inevitably destroyed themselves in an effort to take money from each other. A lot of Superions read this story and eventually decided to create a limit to the point system. No Superion could ever get more than a certain amount of points. They were still able to gain a lot of points, but not enough to destroy themselves like those stupid made up Humans.