Tag: fear

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News

Moralfag Anonymous decidedly fucked

hubrisTHE INTERNET–Hubris is taking the power back. The new Anonymous are a collective, sure, he said. A collective of “moralfags” – a name anonymous dare not apply to us lest it be applied to themselves.

We challenged the most recent bastardization of Anonymous to stand behind their big talk and actually hit hard targets like the revolutionaries they claim to be – picture 100,000 Che Guevaras sitting behind firewalled PCs wearing Guy Fawkes masks clicking off the gate security buttons at the Mubarak compound.

After comparing themselves to the protesters in the streets of Libya, Tunisia, Egypt and Yemen, they could only hit a few websites and that of Westboro Baptist Church by downloading the same picture over and over again. Shameful, but that’s what the world can expect from script kiddies whose sole source of determination lies at the bottom of a freshly consumed Mountain Dew: Code Red.

Funny thing is, I was only trying to help “Anonymous,” whoever they may be, by asserting the possibility – no, the fact – that Anonymous is infiltrated, influenced and even operated by the United States Government. Since the 1960s, the FBI has been doing this with groups like the Black Panthers and even environmental activist groups, but especially groups for social change; what makes Anonymous think they’re some kind of special impenetrable force of good? The fact they are such nerd-raging moralfags, that’s what.

So in an effort to defend the integrity of their bullshit do-nothing collective, they inadvertently defended the United States Government by “attacking” me for pointing out what is obvious to everyone: that anyone can go anonymous, even federal agents, even chronicle.SU. Even Hubris, who took it a step further by proving that ‘Yes you can be fooled by the very social engineering techniques the better parts of your group employ.’

Reactionary script kiddies who are just thirsty enough to point the LOIC at something are hardly a force to be reckoned with. The only power they’ve gained yet stems from that handed down by the 24-hour fearmongering news cycle, always following some shithead stunt pulled off under the guise of “hacktivism” – a term so full of shit they had to combine two words to keep it from spilling out into paragraphs of contradictory mayhem.

To fully illustrate the connection between their limited but exaggerated power, and the swirling news cycle of fear from which their true – and only – power comes, I’ll proceed to explain how it works with the following anecdote:

Three easy steps into the Internet hate zone

  1. We pissed off the fake news source of the fake arm of Anonymous we love attacking
  2. Their reader-base – consisting of “white knight” Anonymous coattail-riders – reacted, by gathering “dox” on me, the results of which were then posted as a comment on a chronicle.su story. [One achieves dox by way of Google searches; between two and four search submissions return a name and hopefully an address or phone number; this is no different than the kind of footwork journalists or federal investigators conduct on a daily basis.]
  3. Thanks in part to fearmongering on behalf of nightly television news – and redneck neighbors’ concerns I’d gotten their kids into what they called “hacker shit” – my aunt and uncle refused to believe that the people we pissed off are not actual hackers, but just the kind of wormy shit-for-brains kids who frequent anonnews.org and jerk off to hentai with their LOIC pointed at Westboro Baptist’s website. My family was absolutely certain I’d pissed off one of those as-seen-on-TV “international hacker groups,” and asked me to leave before their personal computers “get hacked” and they lose their jobs. So I moved. No shit.

Failing physical threats of rape and murder, which came later, that’s literally the worst they can do.

[Editor’s note: in case you’re wondering, I’m fine. I missed a few days of work during the move, but I now live on one of the most beautiful mountain ranges in the world. Things actually got better for me after government agents threatened my life and my family. Springtime here smells sweeter than many women I’ve known. I watch clouds kiss the landscape with my coffee.]

Anonfags think they were doing something good by providing others with the means to bring harm against me and my family, because they saw me as the enemy after I threatened the integrity of the fake news source of the fake arm of Anonymous, effectively calling out their embarrassing superficiality. They really fed me right back to the government, because they liked the lies that they heard better than the truth I was offering.

Just like FOX News viewers, they collectively believed and repeated enough of what spilled out of that fake news source until they became ever-higher and mightier caricatures of themselves. And now this is happening.

Categories
Local Uncontrollable Patriotism новости

NEED TO KNOW: The Modern Survival-list

Cuthbert, Ga.–All hell’s broke loose on the political front, the power lines are down, and the water’s shut off, forcing you to drink your own dank-smelling piss. The sound of Russki bombers dribblin on the horizon ignites terror in the eyes of your pitiful-ass family members, who cower unarmed beneath the dining room table. What do you do?

Cecil defends freedom

Freedom enthusiast Larry Cecil has the answer.

“Don’t just sit around waiting for mercy,” Cecil told the Chronicle. “Rollback the cost of freedom – and the Russians – at a Wal-Mart near you!”

Larry Cecil, who once blindly accepted whatever conditions life handed him, now takes matters into his own hands. “I used to pray to Jesus. But now I prey on the wicked,” he said, examining the horizon through a scoped rifle.

Cecil encourages concerned patriots who fear the oncoming breach of freedoms by leaked cables and Julian ASSange to “have faith” in a weapons cache and homemade napalm. Lastly, he recommends Chinese-made ammunition for its unusually high lead content.

This message is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Incorporated.
Categories
Entertainment новости

New Video Game Subverts Morality

Currently, the Coke Fiend team is working on a new MMORPG that promises to make cocaine less exciting and more addictive.

Los Angeles, Calif.- Coke Fiend 3, the hotly-anticipated sequel to Coke Fiend 2, is set to hit store shelves November 12 and fans are in a drug-fueled uproar over their own inability to pace their emotions in time with the release date.

As part of a violent new trend, fans unable to wait for the release of Coke Fiend 3 have taken matters into their own shaky hands. Several video game dealers were shot or held hostage when crazed gunmen stormed Gamestops nationwide, only to find it is not yet in stock. Pre-released copies of Coke Fiend 3 are being traded on the black market for up to $500 per copy. Some offers go as high as $1,000 for “uncut” copies of the game.

An Ice World

Coke Fiend 3 is the latest installment in the Coke Fiend series and features state-of-the-art next-generation graphics and online gameplay. Players find themselves plunged into a world of glorified violence in which the only frame of success are cocaine abuse and gang violence. Your character’s tolerance and ever-increasing demand for cocaine combines the elements of an open-ended RPG with those of Grand Theft Auto.

The game’s pacing, however, is what sets Coke Fiend 3 apart from all other videogames. The player starts out with a score in the upper-right hand corner, and underneath that, his money supply and drug supply figures are tallied. He also has assets which provide a bonus to the point system, such as a boathouse and prostitution ring, previously acquired near the end of Coke Fiend 2. But as his coke habit progresses, the score is gradually obscured by the edge of the screen, and is eventually pushed out completely, becoming irrelevant. As well, your assets become inaccessible through neglect and are eventually phased out completely, and forgotten amidst a haze of cocaine abuse, which sometimes spills over into real life with “great results,” according to one anonymous gamer.

Brian Whitaker, American game reviewer for Electronic Gaming Monthly, told Soviet Chronicle the immersive feel of Coke Fiend 3 is what makes this title the “most ungodly ecstatic” game for console systems to date. He added, “It’s better than God, friends, or sex with a child prostitute, which you can now do in Coke Fiend 3.”

Coke Fiend 3
This is the first Coke Fiend to feature a secret spousal abuse mini-game.

Game designers stress the realism of the Coke Fiend series. “You can’t get totally fucked up on your own supply, or you’ll never make a profit,” explains Chris Dapriciola, executive at Coke Fiend Productions.  However, borrowing elements of the popular XBOX-exclusive Fable series, players can choose the “dark side,” which in this case, is to descend into the world of crack abuse if they make too many Coke related mistakes.

For instance, when facing what at first seems like an overwhelming number of bad guys, your player can abuse up to his entire on-hand supply of cocaine all at once, and go on Scarface-style rampages, where he will temporarily gain a bottomless pain tolerance and enjoy slowed-down, sharpened murderous rages, killing his assailants with the relative ease of a Jedi Knight – on cocaine.

Controversy

You gotta take her out
Some critics have argued that media tends to glamorize the use of drugs.

It is for this reason critics say that Coke Fiend glamorizes drug abuse, and point specifically to “Coked Out Mode” as a culprit in youth addiction. Game designers have countered that the newly-added Coke Rage feature leaves the character in a self-hating daze where no amount of cocaine will trigger super powers for “at least 30 seconds.”

Additionally, any damage taken during this time is compounded by latent methadone addiction because in Coke Fiend 3, there are no doctors. “Healing” is achieved through further drug use fostered by street dealers and the pharmaceutical industry, to whom your character is known to have seedy connections that unfold with the storyline.

Look for Coke Fiend 3 on store shelves Friday, or if you are among the impatient masses reading this because you scour the internet like a vacuum cleaner that must insufflate every last word of Coke Fiend news, then you’ve probably already gotten the cracked .exe from bit torrents and are in some kind of gamed-out stupor from which not even Coke Fiend 3 can absolve you, so your only choice now is to read about it here.

Well done.