washington dc Archives — Internet Chronicle

The Chronicle Goes To Washington

Washington, D.C.–Five members of the chronicle.SU staff encountered a white Muslim man praying to the East Monday, in the middle of Pennsylvania Avenue, directly in front of the White House. Before him sat a pile of bags and at exactly 5:30 p.m., he stood mechanically from prayer and began fumbling with them. The cops watched him intensively and gathered vehicles around the area, as well as establishing police lines.

Spray-paint on the back of his jacket explained his belief that Allah is the only true God.

Federal police in a four-wheel drive vehicle arrived on the scene and were given sealed orders in orange and white plastic baggies by one in a group of bike cops. They appeared immediately out of nowhere with one red box and gathered around the driver side window to exchange orders.

The very next thing to happen was the appearance of Tyler Bass, chronicle.SU journalist and Washington insider. He warned the men to get away from the scene, and subsequently led them into something not all that much different.

Chronicle.SU is banned from the website AnonNews after being gradually purged from their system. This website is so hated, it is not even allowed on the AnonNews hate wall. Even though there is a place specifically reserved for the most hated external sources on the internet, Chronicle.SU is so hated by their moderators that AnonNews even took it down from there.

This is relevant. Chronicle.SU considers that move a win for the cause in general, and applauds AnonNews for its predictable FOX News style censorship, imposing ignorance on its readership, and anyone interested in the democratic sharing of knowledge and information.

Chronicle.SU was then accused by their readership of being Backtrace Security, and even the government. Then, were accused by the moralfags as being a psyche-out operation by the government (as if the NSA would really send agents into a public forum and go “booga-booga-booga!” to boast their strength.)

The six men discussed this, walking diagonally away from the White House and into the city.

“I think that’s how lies propagate,” one of them said, ducking suddenly into a hidden bar: The Royal Palace is a strip joint with no cover charge and cheap drinks; but, there is something of a catch.

After a couple of drinks, an angry dancer came by and insisted they tip the next dancer (or get out, judging by the look on her Mongolian hate face.) It seemed something had gone terribly wrong for her. All at once she’d gone from a small-breasted seductress to totally repressive and frizzy-haired, silently asking onlookers for tips, one by one, with the shake of a hand. She looked tired and angry.

“This is what it feels like to vote,” Old Brutus said, offering up an empty left-handed handshake to the woman. She slithered nastily and hissed about tips, as AnonNews flashed through his memory – How it feels to be voted for, only to see your articles deleted by some zit-faced overlord during his microcosm conspiracy theory of actual real-world politics. How pointless voting can be; to shake an empty hand; like the U.S. Government, AnonNews ignores the majority to pass along the agenda of a privileged minority.

After some bad vibrations, we felt very unwelcome and it became apparent that it was time to leave.

The six editors, writers, musicians and artists jiggled drunkenly down a gray, windy road and into a blues bar. Bouncers at the door said one of them couldn’t come in, because he had no ID. They said, “Good luck finding somebody to serve that guy! Everybody cards in this town.” Three members of the group went inside. Tyler Bass, Kilgore Trout and Old Brutus went next door to a coffee shop that also served drinks.

The waitress there, Taylor, was drunk; and wanted nothing from Trout but his dick.

They were finally safe, finally seriously drunk, when Anonymous came back up in discussion. Bass couldn’t believe the Chronicle’s influence on the dwindling moralfag community. He said their age and visibility explains the splintering of their small group and the Chronicle was right for making note of the factors at work, even calling out the United States Government, who he said had been at this subversion game since the Sixties.

“Behind every action is an emotion,” Trout said, “and the response by AnonNews to delete our material is one of fear, and determination to ultimately disallow their readership access to dissenting facts and articles.”

Chronicle.SU is the only Internet news source with connections to the top, in coordination with Wikileaks and government access nodes using only the finest in journalistic practices. Siding on civility and honor, staff writers seek out truth via phone interviews, contact with government – and religious – officials, even military personnel on behind-the-scenes behavior and protocol, we deliver truth, free of charge, at no cost to anyone.

The Anonymous News “Network” is run by one guy, claiming to be V from the movie V For Vendetta, or the poster boy MoralFag because he wants to be that guy from the movie.

Sources say it wouldn’t be a fool’s wager to believe the owner of AnonNews isn’t behind this new website, which simultaneously runs advertisements and asks for donations. It’s actually worse than AnonNews, though, because all the [propagandist] material is produced by one pathetic guy.

His advertising revenue comes from those “invest in the gold market” scams and large corporations like Pledge.

Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO) filed a lawsuit against S.C. Johnson & Son, the parent-company of Pledge cleaner, for filing fraudulent tax documents and withholding millions of tax dollars from the federal government. Pledge said “fuck the people,” and exploited tax loopholes, and now props up Anonymous who they know will do that for them.

Why sell Pledge here, at Anonymous News “Network?” To make bombs? No. You can’t make bombs with Pledge. Pledge appears as a search term because Google Ads pick up on Anonymous ideology and matches the volatile cleansing agents with the whitewash fascism of Anonymous.

“V,” like AnonNews, is clearly connected to the government, or some kind of corporate copy-pasting of blogger voices to make cents at a time from 2,000 Google Ad boxes on duplicated platforms across every message and medium available to a multi-tasking god of machinery, the NSA Supercomputer – while simultaneously deteriorating what little integrity is left of Moralfag Anonymous.

Anonymous News Network is the first of its kind – a cog in the automatic money machine, leeching off the main pulsating cable of cash into and out of Google. While begging.

President Obama contracts swine flu

Washington, D.C.–

Due to coming into close physical contact with government pigs in Washington, U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama has been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus, popularly known as swine flu, following a doctor visit Friday.

Noticeable symptoms include tiredness of the eyes, a glazed “thousand-yard-stare” and the onset of a delirium so intense that President Obama has accidentally given all the taxpayers’ money to AIG, which was consequently sent to Europe and China. The president has also begun weighing unseen, possibly imagined factors that incidentally, are found to have greater impact in the ongoing financial crisis than the broad lexicon of “facts” and trends made publicly available by the powers that be.

President Hussein, consulting Jihadists on foreign policy

“This newfound insight gained from the President’s crippling delusional attacks has opened a window through which the public can now see what really affects world politics,” Professor of Political Science at Berkeley, California and tweed jacket enthusiast, David Brunauer said earlier this morning.

“He keeps talking about this little smokey room that he’s forced into on a weekly basis and made to watch pro-Deion Sanders propaganda,” Brunauer intimated. And then panic flashed through his eyes, as he rhetorically asked, “Is that guy even relevant to football anymore?”

The room is allegedly decorated with Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana flair so concentrated it can transform any man’s ordinary sexual conviction into raging pedophilia.

“Hanging from the ceilings are hooks, chains and leather straps,” Brunauer described. “I’d like to see this room,” he said skeptically, “And I’d sure like to experience it.”

Indeed, the journalism community is swarming with ant-like fervor around these new details, as signals of a New World Order are coming to light – small rooms where the world’s fate is decided by brainwashing techniques centered around a post-pubescent-but-not-quite-legal collage of Disney’s top-earning star. The president and forced sodomy. His relationship to Saddam Hussein Obama [deceased]. His recent affection for Hugh Laurie and his award-winning portrayal of the pseudo-doctor, Gregory House.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said of Obama, “He’s been holed up in the White House bedroom for close to two weeks now. I peeked in on him earlier today and he was sprawled out across the top comforter of the king-size presidential bed on his stomach, watching House on his laptop, complaining of Hulu.com’s interjecting advertisements, and kicking his legs around in the air behind him like he didn’t have a care in the world. Iran is building nukes, God damn it!” Clinton’s face then melted, revealing the menacing facade of a cinder-eyed cyborg, gnashing its silvery teeth for Elf Wax reporters. This is part of her regular self-destruct sequence, however, and aides reassured the press that it is no cause for alarm.

Hillary Clinton braces for meltdown

As swine flu rips through the White House, out of its bursting seams come the tides of change, but not the change Americans voted for back in November. Some analysts are saying swine flu is just what the country needed. Others warn of an impending apocalypse as the President’s mental breakdown points to a takeover by the Chinese Mafia. “A bloodless coup is pretty much impossible at this point,” warns chief military adviser Harry Branch, “as Russia and China have dedicated themselves to rebuilding their arsenals, akin to a modern-day Cold War arms race.”

President Obama reports that in the coming war, he will have the computer banks of his Central Command Center hooked up to Blizzard’s real-time strategy game Starcraft, so that he “may better command his forces in a way that he is most familiar with.”

Ridiculously, Obama believes the computer game will simulate the real-life forces and effects of the U.S. Army, in spite of the fact that neither Russia nor China will respond with “a predictable Zerg rush,” as his new, hallucinated cabinet has forecast.

The president says it will be a long, drawn out single-player campaign, during which nobody will have the opportunity to use his home computer for any purpose, even to briefly check their gmail accounts. Not even porn will be allowed, Obama said. He explained, “What is not widely known about Starcraft is that pressing alt+tab will minimize the game so that other programs may be used. That’s great, but when you bring Starcraft back to full screen, the colors are all messed up, requiring a restart, and that is a threat to the country I can not in good conscience permit.”

An SCV rush, or what Obama calls “The Peoples’ Revolt”

Due to multiplying health concerns, many Americans have come forward asking Obama to be the first black man to step down as president. “Sensing weakness in your pathetic hearts,” he replied, “I will not step down as president, but I will step up my game, and step on anybody who tries to get in my way, including you, your family, your lives and this country. But I will not walk on China, to whom I have just surrendered the last of our physical currency.” Obama then said, “Good game,” and went back into the oval office, where Maury could be overheard declaring someone to be the father of yet another unwanted child. The move was dubbed an ‘allied victory’ so Americans can still say they’ve “never lost a war.”

As of now, the country is in turmoil and things are just getting worse thanks to the critically-flawed strategies of the Obama administration. The Chinese drug lords have officially breached the ground floor of Elf Wax Times Western Hemisphere North American Headquarters, Cuthbert, Georgia, declaring martial law.

This just in: S.O.S. we are being held against our wills and are being told via translator that death camps await the Elf Wax staff for severe penalties against the Central Chinese government relating to a video released last month of actors pretending to be Chinese guardsmen protecting the values of China in Tibet. Several of us have been killed for attempted escape. The rest will follow. May God have mercy on our souls.